FFIV After Years – Part 39: Falling Skies (The Crystals)

Summary: This introduction to the tale bounces around a bunch. Meteors crash to the earth, and the moon itself is falling. People on earth are miffed, as well they should be. We see their reactions, and then flash to two main parties. Ceodore, Rosa, Cid, and Kain are still in the throne room of Baron, confronting the Evil Moon Gang. Golbez, Rydia, Luca, and Edge fly to Baron, but can’t get in because of a Babil-like sheld.

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-Like with Kain’s Tale, I get the chance to use date, but this time from ALL saved games rather than just Ceodore’s Tale. If I chose not to use these, I guess I’d get generic stats.

-We start with Golbez on Rydia’s and Edge’s ship. (Not that ship, though Golbez would probably be on board there too.)

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Agart

-Observation room.

-The astronomers see blue meteors falling from the moon.

Chicken Little, eat your heart out.

-OH SHIT, an army of EMGs maybe?

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Damcyan

-Harley and the chancellor in the throne room. A soldier tells them of the meteors.

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Fabul

-Seneschal, Sheila, and the Duke Consort learn the same.

-This is a neat way to start the story. Not by showing us the main cast, but rather by showing how the secondary characters are holding their shit together in the face of all this chaos.

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Agart

-Corio looks shocked. This is probably a bad thing.

-THE MOON ITSELF IS FALLING TO THE EARTH??

Getting closer.

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Eblan

-The Seneschal sees it.

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Overworld

-Luca, Rydia, Golbez, etc. see the same.

-Golbez is still called Man in Black here, I guess because those around him don’t know he’s Golbez. Seems reasonable for him to not tell them. With all the stuff going down, I imagine he’d be Suspect #1.

-Golbez takes control of the ship and steers it towards Baron.

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Baron

-Picking up at the end of Kain’s Tale, at the confrontation in the throne room.

-Title screen for the tale: “The Crystals: The Planet Eater.” WHAT AN EPIC NAME FOR A TITLE!! I’m now terrified of something that could be called “The Planet Eater.” I doubt it’s just Zeromus. Perhaps it’s some big bad from Moon #2.

-And why is this Tale called “The Crystals”? Will we get a Crystal PoV story at some point?

-Golbez, Luca, Rydia, and Edge touch down outside Baron.

-They go to the castle gates, and are repelled by a pink force field type thingy.

Stopped.

-Town is full of Stepford soldiers. They leave me alone and wander around like headless chickens, but when I talk to them, they attack, saying “King Cecil’s… orders.”

-Rosa’s mother is okay!

-So is Cid’s family.

-Hm. Not seeing a way in, and the waterway is thankfully not an option. Time to explore.

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Next time: walk the earth like Caine in “Kung Fu.” But instead of trying to somehow find my brother in the old west, I'm just looking for a way into Baron.

FFIV After Years – Part 38: Shadows of the Past (The Lunarian’s Tale)

Summary: We get a series of flashbacks here through Golbez’s life. He dreams as he flies on the Lunar Whale towards the earth. When they get close, Golbez wakes, and sees the approach of a yellowish moon very close to Earth. Not sure which one, but whichever one, it’s probably not good. End of the Lunarian’s Tale.

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Flashback: See! The first defeat of Zeromus, as Fusoya and Golbez depart for hibernation. The focus is specifically on Cecil’s hesitation and ultimate decision to say goodbye, to call Golbez “brother,” granting him a measure of forgiveness.

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Flashback: See! Fusoya frees Golbez from Zeromus’s controls and remembers his father was Kluya.

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Flashback: See! Golbez fighting Kain, Cecil, Yang, Rosa, back before Rydia saved them as Older Rydia. Of course, this time around, I’m seeing the fight from Golbez’s perspective. (I wonder what Rydia, Edge, etc. are up to.)

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Flashback: See! Tellah, Cecil, Yang, and Cid fighting Golbez, as Tellah sacrifices himself with Meteor to strike at Golbez.

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Flashback: See! Golbez stealing the Fabul crystal (I think?), with the mind-controlled Kain. They kidnap Rosa, with Golbez instructing Kain to be merciless.

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Flashback: See! …this is new. It’s KID GOLBEZ WATCHING OVER HIS BABY BROTHER CECIL! The screen mists red, and we start hearing an evil voice that must have been the start of Golbez’s corruption. “(You must hate him… your brother…)” The voice prods and pokes and Golbez, at his brother, and at his self-worth. Quick cut to the twin moons.

Poor kid.

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Lunar Whale

-Golbez awakens.

-Most of the Lunar Whale here seems for show. A save point that doesn’t save, beds that don’t grant rest.

-The moon looms large near the earth. It’s yellow, and I’m not sure whether it’s the regular moon, Golbez’s and Fusoya’s moon (probably not), or Evil Moon Girl’s moon (probably). Here comes Golbez.

-END OF TALE. This took me by surprise, as with Kain’s. There’s more!

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Next time: we play FFIV: The After Years! We’ll pick a new story! Which will focus on a character! Doing things! Possibly many things?

FFIV After Years – Part 37: Attack of the Clones (The Lunarian’s Tale)

Summary: Back in the Crystal Palace, the crystals start to shatter. Evil Moon Girl seems to have recovered and re-engages Golbez and Fusoya, but after they beat her again ANOTHER EMG (clone or robot or something) teleports in, and heads for the moon’s core. Our party follows, fighting through a now hostile Lunar Subterrane, and the crystals continue to break. The last breaks as we reach the bottom, and Zeromus’s Malice emerges. We fight, and pushed to the brink Fusoya teleports Golbez to the Lunar Whale that then heads towards Earth.

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Surface

-Restocking at Hummingway Abode, then back to Crystal Palace.

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Crystal Palace

-The light left the crystals?

-AND EMG APPARATED INTO THE CRYSTAL ROOM. I knew she wasn’t dead!

-Another EMG fight. She summons Leviathan and destroys us. GRRRR.

-Ok, take two. Interesting: during the fight, she uses Osmose on Leviathan. Talk about abusing your Eidolons.

-After beating her (again), Fusoya believes Earth’s crystals are in danger. He then comes up with the idea to summon the Lunar Whale to save the day on Earth. Fusoya and Golbez start to pray for it, but they don’t get too far…

-…because a crystal DISAPPEARS. Not sure if it disappeared or broke.

-And ANOTHER EMG APPEARS.

Eloquently stated, Fusoya.

-I can’t believe how foolish I was in my last post. I titled it “The Russian is Cut” in celebration a la Rocky IV, when Rocky cuts Ivan Drago and his corner is cheering him on that Drago isn’t a machine, he’s a man. Well, it turns out Evil Moon Girl actually is a machine. Or a clone? Or a robot clone? Something like that. Makes sense how she crash landed on both Earth and the moon.

-EMG: “I need none of this any longer. Neither the crystals, nor you.” She then heads down to the Lunar Subterrane, towards the stasis pods.

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Lunar Subterrane

-Went outside to set the phase to Full Moon since my melee damage sucks and my black magic for both party members is my current bedrock, and then down down down to Goblin Town. Or Moon People Down. Whatever.

-As I went down a floor in the Subterrane, the game cut away to the crystal chamber above, where another crystal disappeared. It shattered, as I imagine the one before it did.

-WHEW! HP/MP pots are scattered as we go. Firaga is my main attack, and at 30 MP per cast, the pots are welcome.

-ICEBRAND! Now I no longer fear the Waning Moon, because my physical attacks no longer suck. Huzzah!

-LOL – Fusoya’s “Bless” animation.

The Lunarian blessing doubles as a mating dance.

-How do I beat these goddam Steel Golems? I only have two party members and almost every hit of his causes sleep.

-Ah. It’s weak to ice.

-As I keep descending, crystals keep breaking…

-Encountered a “Lesser Marilith.” Nice nod to the Fiend of Fire from FFI.

-Chimera Brains are brutal. Their Frost Blast does massive damage, and they get healed by most magic.

-Almost all the crystals are broken now.

-Got to the bottom, where Zeromus, was, and then…

-Zoom OUT, to Earth! We see Mount Ordeals. Then we zoom further to the monument on the summit. First the outside of it, then inside. “I shall pray as well, my sons!” Thanks, Ghost Dad!

Pan over to Mysidia. Porom and the Elder are in the tower, hearing “the dragon” (still not sure what that means) crying. This is from very early in Porom’s Tale. The Lunar Whale rises!

-On we go.

-The last crystal shatters. Ruh-roh, Raggy. 

 

-…

-…really? Zeromus?

-Yeah, Zeromus was being held back by the crystals apparently. I don’t quite buy this. He was extinguished, not just imprisoned by the crystals! They pulled this crap earlier with the Dark Elf in the Cave of Fucking Magnets How Do They Work, where he was just “imprisoned” then set free. Boo. There better be more to the story then just “Zeromus is at it again.”

-Learned “Double Black Magic” band. Sounds powerful.

-BOSS TIME! “Zeromus’s Malice.”

-Pretty straight-forward fight. Heal when needed, use the band attack and Firaga when able. He uses Black Hole and Bio, but no Big Bang.

Apparently.

-…Should’ve said, “No Big Bang so far.” He uses it at the end to knock us both down to one health. “Evil… is evolution… at its purest.” So how exactly have you evolved?

-Fusoya teleports Golbez away at the last second to the earth-bound Lunar Whale. Things don’t look promising.

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Next time: Golbez heads towards Earth. 

FFIV After Years – Part 36: The Russian is Cut (The Lunarian’s Tale)

Summary: Golbez and Fusoya wander the moon looking for trouble. It kind of sucks. Eventually they check out Bahamut’s Lair, where they’re confronted not only with a shackled Bahamut, but with the most horrifying non-boss mob the series has produced. They move onto a meteor strike similar to the crater on earth, where they confront Evil Moon Girl and somehow WIN.

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Lunar Tunnels/Surface

-Weird. We’re still affected by the lunar phases here.

-The tunnels/surface are the first time in The After Years that non-boss combat has gotten really challenging and resource intensive.

-No idea where to go. Went through the Lunar Tunnels, but nothing happened. Back to the Crystal Palace I guess. Must’ve missed something.

-WHERE DO I GO

-SERIOUSLY, WHERE

-Lunar Ruins? No. Hummingway Cave? No. I HAVE NO IDEA TELL ME.

-I don’t like this mindless wandering, and I’m doing a LOT of it. Had enough of that in FFI.

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Lair of the Father

-Last place left unexplored. Maybe Bahamut’ll know what’s up.

-oh god oh god oh god Count Malboro = beyond horrifying

KILL IT WITH FIRE

-Yeah. I used Flare to blast the shit out of it because that avatar just creeped the fuck right out of me. Scariest sprite in the Final Fantasy series since though jelly-like mounds of eyeballs in FFII.

-Bahamut is stone! Or rather, “chained, body and soul, in another dimension.” At least this helps situate where we are in the timeline, after EMG launched her attack on Baron.

-Next step: meteor that fell south of Bahamut’s Lair.

-First, restock at Hummingway Abode.

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Impact Crater

-Another impact crater? VERY interesting. I had assumed this attacked originated from Lunarians, but this must be an invasion from… another moon?

-Yet again, the meteor eats at the earth. Even when it’s lunar earth.

-Fusoya knows it’s not just a meteor, but won’t (or can’t) say more than that.

-Mixture of pudding, lizards, and knights for enemies. FF is weird.

-Switching back from Blood Sword to Ancient Sword on Golbez. Damage is just too low on Blood Sword, despite the healing it gives.

-Did pudding resists weaken? It seems like any magic damage hurts them, not just the magic their most vulnerable to.

-EVIL MOON GIRL

-And EMG is even in “need to know” mode with other Lunarians, leading me to believe that she even looks down on Fusoya as an inferior species. Who is she???

-She wants the crystals.

-Boss time with EMG! She summons Asura, the most annoying of possible Eidolons.

-And… they destroyed me.

Evil Moon Girl + Asura = pain

-A lot.

-I tried a bunch of methods including reflecting her, reflecting me, Taunting and reflecting me, reflecting both of us, and kept getting my ass kicked six ways from Sunday. Eventually, I just said “fuck it” and went all-in. Used Fusoya for occasional Curaga, and just Firaga’d EMG. Seriously close shave, but

-FINALLY

-BEAT HER

-SHE’S CUT, THE RUSSIAN’S CUT!!!! I HURT HER I HURT HER YOU SEE SHE’S NOT A MACHINE SHE’S A WOMAN

-Is this a Golbez/Zeromus deal, where she’s not the real problem, but is rather the puppet on someone else’s string?

-Uh oh. Her sprite’s not disappearing. In FF, this likely means she’s knocked out rather than dead, but Fusoya and Golbez are walking away.

FF Rule #81: A corpse that doesn’t blink out of existence may not be a corpse at all.

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Next time: back to the Crystal Palace to check on the crystals

FFIV After Years – Part 35: Brave Awakening (The Lunarian’s Tale)

Summary: Because the developers for FFIV: The After Years believe that every time they cliffhanger me a puppy is born, we totally switch perspectives to THE MOON. Golbez. This is awesome. Golbez wakes up from his lunar hibernation pod, and senses something is wrong. He makes his way up from the core to the palace via the Lunar Subterrane, and finds the crystals are blood red. Fusoya agrees that this is probably not a good thing. The two of them set out to learn more.

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-Wow.

-I did not expect this.

-Like, at all.

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Baron

-Cecil’s bedchamber. No idea when this is, or even if it’s Cecil instead of Evil Moon Cecil. “The After Years” has made me super distrustful of appearances. I find myself going into work and wondering if my colleagues have been replaced by evil moon versions. I’m hoping this game will help advise me on how to test this.

-Cecil and Rosa, worrying about “him,” how “he” is faring. Ceodore or Kain? Probably Ceodore. This also confirms that it’s not Evil Moon Cecil we’re seeing.

-Yup, Ceodore.

-Ah! This is right at the start of Ceodore’s tale. “I wouldn’t be concerned. He has Biggs and Wedge with him.” MISS U GUYZ

-CECIL: “Ceodore understand.. that destiny is something you create for yourself.” Is it just me, or does Cecil sometimes speak super-pretentiously? Like, I can’t ever imagine someone expressing their worry for someone they love to me, and my response being about the role of destiny.

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Adamant Isle (I think? It’s the place where Ceodore’s Tale starts.)

-Observation room. An astronomer named Corro and his apprentice. They’re freaking out at the second moon.

-“The Lunarians’ Tale: The Blue Planet That Was” YES GOOD

-OH MY GOD

-WHAT IF

-Ok, calming down. What if part of this is, like, “Evil Moon Girl’s Tale”???

-NOT CALM ANYMORE THAT’D BE AWESOME

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The Motherfucking Moon!

-Crystal palace. Boss fight!

-…As Golbez vs. Cecil?

-This is Golbez’s perspective. Cecil kills him, despite Golbez begging him to stop.

For those who hibernate with a heavy conscience, the nightmares must feel endless.

-Aha! Dream. Golbez’s dream. YES I WAS RIGHT! He’s the Man in Black! Same portrait!

-He’s waking up from his hibernation chamber thingy.

-All the Lunarians have green hair. I hope Golbez doesn’t dye his green just to fit in with the cool moon people.

-FuSoYa is missing from his pod thing.

-LOL – a Namingway-looking vendor is sleeping in a pod, but I can wake his spirit up to buy potions and crap from him.

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Lunar Subterrane

-B12. This is DEEP in the moon.

-Oh! It’s right past where we killed Zeromus. Golbez starts walking up through the Lunar Subterrane. It’s very weird going through this beautiful crystalline area without thinking of it as a final dungeon. Instead, it’s home. As safe and comfortable a home as Golbez has probably had in a long time.

Home of a Lunarian.

-Fight! Against… turtles? Not an Evil Mask at least. Those were the WORST.

-He senses something is wrong with the crystals in the palace, so heads up to the surface.

-Really loving the music.

-Still easy to get lost, but fortunately the game stops me this time from going down useless paths.

-Everything turned red for a few seconds. Maybe resulting from an infection from the crystals?

-One of Golbez’s combat abilities is a stun called “Pressure,” and his character looks pretty hilarious when casting it. Like a lead singer in a death metal band firing the crowd up.

HELLOOOO CLEVELAND!!! ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!?

-“The crystals! They’re the color of blood!” Probably this is a bad thing.

-The crystals each speak, in very vague terms, about some infinite thing that possesses them being found finally, a “light at the end of the tunnel.” I have no idea what’s going on.

-Fusoya is in the crystal chamber too. He noticed something awry. Neither of these two, Golbez nor Fusoya, seems to know exactly what’s going on, but Fusoya is too cryptic for me to be sure.

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Next time: Golbez (heeeeeee we’re really playing as Golbez!!!!!) and Fusoya venture out on the moon to learn wtf is going on with the crystals.

 

FFIV After Years – Part 34: The Enemy Within (Kain’s Tale)

Summary: Kain brings Rosa into Baron Castle, and Ceodore, Hooded Man, and Cid fight their way to them. When they meet up, we learn that I was an unobservant dunkus for not seeing before that Hooded Man is Kain, the version that lost the mirror match. He subdues the “Kain” that abducted Rosa and the crystals, and re-incorporates that version into himself. Oh, and he also BECOMES A PALADIN. The full party moves into the throne room to confront Evil Moon Cecil and Evil Moon Girl. END OF TALE.

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Baron Castle

-Boss music is running during all of this even without combat.

-Kain dragging Rosa to the throne room.

-Ceodore, HM, Cid, Edward chasing. (This whole scene is done really well, and my adrenaline was pumping.)

-Edward will stay guarding the ship lol

-Ceodore/HM/Cid fight their way to the throne room, and ALL the infantry are now zombies.

-Kain, as he charges on with Rosa: “Finally I will be released from this hell!” This is some intense shit. I didn’t know the depth of his anger and jealousy, but simultaneously it definitely feels in character.

-Kain and HM meet. They know each other, as I expected.

-……………………………………….

-Jesus.

-OF COURSE OF COURSE

-How did I not possibly see this before.

-Hooded Man must be the part of Kain that lost the mirror match. I’m hesitant to call him the “good side,” because I get the sense it’s more complex than this.

-They fight. As the fight goes on, HM starts to incorporate parts of Kain, getting his lance instead of the sword, and gaining the ability to jump. And his “victory” wasn’t a matter of defeating an enemy, but accepting his past failings.

-Yes! ID KAIN

-LOLOLOL

HM: “I’m not here to deny your right to exist.”
KAIN?: “Yaaargh!” [falls dead]

I mean, I get that Hooded Man is incorporating Kain into himself as he says this, and that Id!Kain will become a part of Whole!Kain going forward, but still struck me as funny.

-Woo! Rosa and the good guys got back the three crystals Id!Kain was holding. Of course, Evil Moon Girl is like one room over, so my joy is less than full.

-Again, the voice from Mount Ordeals. “Please… my sons…” MY SONS??? Huh? Nobody in the room shares the same father as far as I know. Confused again.

[EDIT: It hit me that two people do share the same father at this point: Kain and id!Kain. But as far as I know, Kluya is not Kain's father. Even knowing that the Ricard-Kain father-son canon from FFII is not canon in the FFIV world, I still seem to remember Kain's father never being a mystery, just some dragoon, but I could be wrong and accidentally mixing FFII with FFIV. We'll see. Still confused.]

-PALADIN KAIN!?!?!?!?!

My sentiments exactly, Kain.

-I still don’t get the “my sons” part, though. Kain isn’t KluYa’s son I don’t think, but maybe by virtue of now being (sort of?) a paladin, he’s become like a son to KluYa.

-The full party moves into the throne room, where Evil Moon Cecil and EMG are waiting.

-END OF KAIN’S TALE.

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Next time: something? I really thought the game would end with Kain’s Tale. I have no idea what comes next, as this was the last Tale available for selection when I checked.

FFIV After Years – Part 33: The Zeppo (Kain’s Tale)

Summary: Kain tries to get the crystal from Edward, but Edward holds fast, and pulls the most awesome of gambits. In the end though, Kain gets the crystal and, revealing his primary motivation to kill Cecil, takes Rosa. They head to Baron. Hooded Man and Ceodore finish the fucking waterway and meet up with Cid and Edward in Damcyan.

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Damcyan

-Back to the meeting of Edward and Kain in the Damcyan throne room.

-Edward calmly finds out Kain’s main goal, and then denies him the crystal.

-Kain moves to kill Edward then. Yeah, this must be Mirror!Kain. And yet… he wanted to try this peacefully rather than bringing in soldiers for a frontal assault. So he’s not, like, mindlessly bloodthirsty.

-“???: Kain, stop!” STOP DOING THAT GAME, stop introducing interesting people off screen with “???.”

-Well, at least they immediately after tell us it was Rosa.

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The Fucking Underground Waterway

-Not much to say here. Ceodore and Hooded Man get to the waterfall and jump.

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Damcyan

-LOL. Rosa checks Kain for brainwashing but Kain says he’s not brainwashed. I love that a brainwash-check on Kain is pretty standard at this point.

-Ah.

-Now I see.

-Kain wants to kill Cecil to get Rosa. My new working theory: Kain’s id busted out of the mirror and is running wild, acting on his bases desires and impulses.

-Baron’s zombie soldiers stream in and still Edward refuses to give up the crystal. Even in the face of zombie-induced death. Wow.

-And then Edward UNLEASHES THE CARNELIAN SIGNET EM!CECIL GAVE HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE IN HIS OWN THRONE ROOM TO DESTROY KAIN’S/BARON’S ZOMBIE ARMY

-Oh no. Oh no.

-Combat. I’m playing AS Kain, AGAINST Rosa and Edward. Not fair.

-I can’t hit Rosa, but can definitely hit Edward. Kain KOs Edward. He then starts backing Rosa against the wall as we fade to black. It’s probably not implying what I thought it was implying at first, but still shows how incredibly creepy this Kain is.

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Fucking Underground Waterway

-Yup. A reskinned “Octomammoth,” this time named “Octokraken.”

-I learned my lesson (hopefully) from last time, and ignore the tentacles. Instead, I spam the band attack, “Cross Slash” against the main body of Octokraken, and with some heals tossed in occasionally, succeed in killing him/her.

-Just as they exit the Fucking Waterway, they see the Baronian airship leaving. Does Kain now have any reason to follow-through on his deal with EMG now that he has Rosa?

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Airship

-Just Rosa and Kain here.

-HA! Cid’s airship to the rescue! These are the ass-kickings of the U.S.S. Enterprise! Its five year mission: to explore strange new ways to swoop out of nowhere to save the day. To seek out falling protagonists and new attachments like the drill. To boldly kick Kain's ass like no one has kicked it before!

-Well, not so much. Kain gets away, and Cid’s ship lands.

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Damcyan

-Edward’s okay!

-But Rosa’s still gone. Ceodore, as you can imagine, is not happy. I keep forgetting that Ceodore is the son of Rosa and Cecil, and sees them as parents rather than just friends or party members.

-HM is shocked to learn Kain took Rosa, and definitely impacted by this. Again, is he the illegitimate elemental fiend son or what?

-Off they got to get Kain and Rosa! (They = HM, Ceodore, Cid, Edward.)

-Cid: “What in the heck is going on here anyway?” Thank you, Cid. Thank you.

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Airship

-Kain and Rosa on a Baron-bound airship.

-Kain has gone full-on, mustache-twirling villain. He literally says, “Muhahahaha!” as he talks about killing Cecil. So I guess he does fee he has to kill Cecil to make his dreams come true.

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Next time, on “Coldrun Plays Final Fantasy”: the thrilling conclusion of Kain’s tale! ADVENTURE! EXCITEMENT! THE DRAGOON CRAVES THESE THINGS!

FFIV After Years – Part 32: Mirror, Mirror (Kain’s Tale)

Summary: We get two parallel stories here, Ceodore/Hooded Man and Kain. We see that Kain LOST his mirror match somehow on Mount Ordeals, and it may be an evil twin that we play as. Our Kain leads a contingent of Zombie-nee-Stepford soldiers to Damcyan to take the crystal. Ceodore and HM head east from Mist to Kaipo, and then through the fucking Underground Waterway to stop Kain.

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Ship

-Kain starts on an airship, and soldiers are in “…” mode again.

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Mist

-Perspective shift back to Ceodore and the Hooded Man (“HM”).

-They stop by the grave of Rydia’s mother in Mist, and HM is grateful to her.

-WHYWHYWHYWHOAREYOU

-Is he Kain’s son maybe from when Kain was brainwashed? I shipped Kain and Barbariccia, but there are all kinds of consent issues there now that I think about it. Maybe that’s canon? (Probably not.)

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Mist Cliff

-Rock climbing. Cool! Up and over to get to the Kaipo side. I really like this map style.

PSP really is graphically beautiful at times.

-Ceodore FELL! He’s one tough mother though. Was totally okay.

-Monsters are fine, but not much to write about.

-Red Wings sighted from the base of the mountain, heading to Damcyan and led by Kain (as we see in a brief perspective shift).

-Nice little badass moment for Ceodore when he objects to HM saying that the Red Wings are headed to Damcyan. Ceodore basically says that no, they’re not the Red Wings. Red Wings are awesome and elite, while those guys are mindless drones. If Ceodore survives this whole ordeal, I think he’ll make a phenomenal founding father to rebuild the Red Wings.

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Mount Ordeals

-Flashback, to the mirror match where we get to control Kain in combat.

-I tried going the pacifist route like the previous mirror match Dark Knight Cecil, but this is way different.

Not quite how it happened with Cecil.

I got my ass-kicked, and the mirror version looked super happy and elated to be out of the mirror. So does that mean that the person doing all this shit is Mirror!Kain? If so, where is Real!Kain?

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Kaipo

-Perspective shift to HM and Ceodore, and they walk into Kaipo.

-Quick note: If one of them gets Desert Fever, I’m going to throw my keyboard against the wall.

-We see Tellah’s grave, and it affects HM. He definitely knows Tellah.

-They find an inn and rest. Night time in Kaipo now.

-History Repetition #418: In the base game, Rydia and Cecil stopped at this inn. At night, Baron soldiers attacked to kill Rydia, and Cecil stopped them.

This time around, Baron’s soldiers charge into that same inn to kill Ceodore, and HM helps save him.

-Oh, and this time they are “Zombie Infantry.” Maybe that’s the next natural step for the Stepford guards.

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Waterway. Again. The Fucking Waterway. Seriously.

-Yeah. Again. FDJKLSFDJKLSFNDJKLSFDNS

-At least the mobs here are new, in a reskinned kind of way. (Fell Turtle, Sahagin Knight, etc.)

-Save point, and rest. Despite Ceodore complaining that he can keep going, HM convinces him to conserve his strength.

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Damcyan

-Kain wants the soldiers to stay on the ship. Can he talk Edward into giving up the crystal peacefully? I kind of doubt it.

-They meet.

-AND FADE TO BLACK. Back to Ceodore and HM. GRRRRR. I have to imagine Kain convinced Edward that Kain’s plan versus EMG was good. But if this is Mirror!Kain, maybe not? SO CONFUSED.

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Waterway

Will I have to fight an Octomammoth skin at the end?

-Got Icebrand from a Monster-in-a-Box, and it really cuts through a lot of these mobs which are weak to ice. E.g. toads, turtles, gators.

-Wish they had moved the chests around, or done at least something to make this places feel significantly different.

-Ceodore and HM have an older brother/younger brother feel to them. Ceodore usually tries to push faster, farther, and HM tries to get him to slow down.

---

Next time: We continue the dual paths of “Kain” in Damcyan and HM/Ceodore pushing through the waterway to get there.

What’s YOUR favorite evil twin song? Mine here, with They Might Be Giants' "My Evil Twin” a close second: 

FFIV After Years – Part 31: Return of the Kain (Kain’s Tale)

Summary: We start with Kain on Mt. Ordeals. He eventually follows a voice into KluYa’s monument for a mirror match, but we don’t see what happens. He next saves Porom, and then we flash forward to his deal with Evil Moon Girl in Mysidia. The two of them head to Baron, but she won’t let Kain kill “Cecil” until he retrieves the remaining crystals from Fabul and Damcyan.

---

Mount Ordeals

-This is the first time the game has asked me whether I want to play using previously saved data, Ceodore’s specifically. I guess this means this will be closely related to that tale.

-Kain starts on Mt. Ordeals, his normal broody self.

-He’s super powerful. MURDERIZES all the monsters. (Overleveled, I guess.)

-Hm. Went up one level to the summit, but can’t go in the monument. Time to leave the mountain.

-“Jump” seems to count as a thrown weapon, and benefits from the new moon. Makes sense. Sorta.

-Got to the base, but then Kain stops: “(I can’t leave this mountain. Not yet.”)

-Then hark! A voice! “You!” I guess I’m going back up the mountain.

-“Dragoon…” WTF. Is the voice KluYa?

-At the summit bridge: “You… will…” WHAT

-At the monument: “You, too, will…” WHAT DUDE WHAT. Followed by more creepy sentence fragments.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING DUDE THIS IS CREEPY

-The monument sucked Kain in, and it’s MIRROR MATCH TIME a la Cecil in the base game!

-And… title screen. “Kain’s Tale: Return of the Dragoon.” Now that’s how you start a tale. Awesome intro.

-We don’t actually see the fight. We flash forward a bit to Kain back on the mountain when he Dragoon Ex Machinas Porom from an undead death.

Here he comes to save the daaaay!

---

Mysidia

-Flash forward to Evil Moon Girl’s deal with Kain. I still don’t get this, but he jumps away.

-As he jumps away from the scene, instead of sticking with Porom’s perspective as we did at the end of her tale, we actually follow Kain’s perspective, and (kind of funny) he doesn’t really jump that far. Just to the Devil’s Road.

---

Devil’s Road

-EMG won’t tell Kain who she is really, but he follows her through.

-Kain asks EMG what happened to Cecil. She says, “As king of Baron, he’s perfectly fine.” Weird phrasing, but little about EMG isn’t weird.

KAIN: Tell me one thing: why are you collecting the crystals?
EMG: There’s no need for you to know.

The fact that Kain’s pursuing this makes me think Kain doesn’t really intend to turn over the crystals, but is rather just using this as a ruse to get close to EMG>

-EMG asks Kain who HE is. I’m surprised by this for two reasons:
a) Why doesn’t she know already?
b) Why does she have the slightest interest?

-For some reason, Devil’s Road was way smoother than last time. It really helped being familiar with the path to take through the mini-maze. The fights were also easier and shorter this time.

---

Baron Town

-Started in town, where a random person said: “I saw a man with Prince Ceodore… I’ve seen him before, I’m sure of it.” GRRGJRLDHSDLS I STILL HAVE NO IDEA who that Hooded Man with Ceodore was. But shit like this makes me sure I’m going to kick myself in the head (“Oh, that was Soandso, of course!”) when I find out.

-Not much else in town. Armor and weapons were already good.

---

Baron Castle

-When Kain gets to the castle, the guards hop to follow EMG’s commands. They know which side their evil lunar bread gets buttered on.

-Random soldiers around Baron say, “Your orders, my liege.” Instead of “…” Any reason for this? Maybe because he has EMG’s blessing to walk around.

-The only people in the castle right now are the Stepford Guards.

-Kain gets to the throne room, and the only person there is EMG. But she wants to test him before allowing him to kill Evil Moon Cecil? I’m so confused.

-Oh, BULL. EMG is saying Kain has to get two more crystals before she’ll let him kill Cecil. This is why he was in Fabul, I guess.

-To reiterate: I’m SUPER confused. This kind of blows up my previous theory that Kain was just trying to get close to EMG. He’s close, and if that was all I don’t think he’d assault Fabul just to keep up that pretext.

FFIV After Years – Part 30: Out of Gas (Yang’s Tale)

Summary: To replenish fuel, the Fabul ship stops on the nearest island, and both Yang and Ursula eventually set out into the wilderness to hunt down palm oil that they’ll use. These two perspectives shift frequently, and combine with many flashbacks into Yang’s and Ursula’s relationship as she grew up. (The “Firefly” fans among you may now see why I called this chapter what I did, and it’s not just because they’re also out of gas.) They set sail for Baron again, before seeing a familiar whirlpool. END OF TALE.

---

Ship

-So we had enough reach fuel to reach the Adamant Isles. I thought this was the place where Ceodore’s Tale started out, but I was mistaken. This is a deserted island instead, or at least an island with no non-monstery towns.

-Yang will go out to get fuel on his own again (palm oil), and now I can control Ursula.

-Night falls. It’s been a while, Ursula gets worried, and heads out after her dad. A retinue of unnamed monks follows her.

---

Adamant Isles - Ursula

-Full moon. DAMN. Full moon is worst moon. It hinders melee, and no matter how often I used the “Inn” on the ship, the moon stayed full. I guess this is by design, but it’s annoying.

-Liliths are on the island! This is rough with weak melee, since they use “Slap” to retaliate every time. At least silence doesn’t hurt my little monkly band.

-And… flashback? To when Sheila told Yang when she was pregnant. He did a little happy dance, and was clearly both overjoyed and a bit freaked out.

---

Adamant Isles - Yang

-Shift of perspective. Now, instead of controlling Ursula and her monk friends, we get a solo Yang.

-The map and combat portions here are fairly straightforward. Both on Ursula and Yang, we’re in a forest setting that’s a little bit mazey.

-Flashback: Training. Yang is training right before Ursula’s birth, to help keep his mind off his nerves.

---

Adamant Isles - Ursula

-HEY GAME. STOP MOVING URSULA TO THE BACK ROW. She does better damage than the other monks. She has a heal, but rarely needs it, so STOP PUTTING HER IN THE BACK.

-Flashback: Ursula as a kid!

---

Adamant Isles - Yang

-Pretty easy combat so far, even solo as Yang.

-Flashback: Yang is hesitant to train Ursula. He worries that she’s too obsessed with strength above honor or wisdom.

-Sheila calls him out on that, saying that she’s already as honorable and graceful as you could want a kid to be. Yang admits this – he’s just worried about her, and doesn’t want her to get hurt.

---

Adamant Isles - Ursula

-This time in the forest is much tougher. The combat isn’t bad, but I get a bit lost navigating the forest.

-FINALLY! The lunar phase changed to waning. Ass-kicking time!

-Ursula finally finds a grove of palm trees, where she’ll get the palm oil for fuel (I guess?). And… boss time!

-It’s an Adamantoise. In FFIV, these things were easy mobs, standard, on par with other mobs in the Antlion Cave for example.

But not this one. This Adamantoise must have teleported in from FFII where it was a seriously nasty boss fight, because it’s not fucking around. It does massive damage and all melee hits only do one point of damage. He knocks all the monks down to 1hp (except Ursula). Things look bleak, until…

-Flashback: Monks training. Ursula’s not with them, but she’s looking on from the side. Yang put a large boulder in the city and is asking the monks to break it. They’re not doing well.

Yang tells them to look for a weak point. He demonstrates, giving the boulder a single precise strike that cracks it.

-Back in the present, Ursula remembers this.

Past meets present.

She finds the weak point. And in jumps Yang to help!

-Ursula now has a new attack, “Tenketsu.” The animation is pretty cool, as she hops on the mob and does some precision strike for massive damage. It doesn’t do a ton at the moment because the Waning Moon hurts its effectiveness (I think it counts as a thrown weapon), but still big.

-Tough fight!! But we win. After her initial Tenketsu, all of them could hit the Adamantoise for normal damage. I guess she opened a wide crack in the shell.

-Yay! Yang will formally train her. This makes me unreasonably happy.

-Learned “Twin Wing Frenzy” band, a band attack that allows Yang and Ursula to do MASSIVE damage to a single mob. “Twin Wing Frenzy” also sounds like a pretty good speedmetal band name.

-Back to the ship. Set sail for Baron. AND WHIRLPOOL!!

Those pesky shackled Eidolons.

-End of tale. We don’t actually see the ship go down, so it’s possible that it escaped somehow, but I kind of doubt it. Don’t get me wrong: I don’t think Yang or Ursula died. I just think the ship got destroyed.

---

Next time: Kain’s tale, where we hopefully find out wtf he’s teaming up with Evil Moon Girl.

FFIV After Years – Part 29: Fabul’s in Trouble; Must be Tuesday (Yang’s Tale)

Summary: Surprising absolutely nobody, Baron doesn’t want to talk. They attack Fabul, and eventually win through to the throne room. Kain finishes the attack by taking the Wind Crystal, despite Yang’s and Ursula’s best efforts. Yang and Ursula then set sail for Baron to confront Evil Moon Cecil.

---

Fabul at Rest

-Hm. Do they give up the crystal or fight to keep it? I’d say fight to keep it of course, but I’m not the one who’d almost certainly lose friends and family.

-Yang’s going a middle ground. Don’t surrender the crystal, but try to play it as non-violently as possible. He’ll greet the soldiers at the gate and adapt to however they respond.

---

Fabul Under Siege

-Baron approaches. Yang tries to greet them, but unfortunately, it’s a contingent of Stepford soldiers. No words, just swords.

-AGAIN, history is repeating itself with the siege on Fabul by Baron for the crystal. So much of this siege resembles the last. The ladies left behind (this time, Ursula instead of Rydia and Rosa), the way Yang’s party fights backing up, the movements of the attacking soldiers, the kinds of soldiers, etc. It makes me really wonder whether something metaphysical is going on rather than just history repeating in a less intentional way.

-YANG: “So it begins anew.” Um. Yes.

-Backed into the throne room, and Ursula and Sheila (Yang’s wife) retreat into the crystal chamber right as we see the following:

???: Sorry I’ve been scarce, lately.
YANG: You!

NO GAME. BAD GAME. RUDE. DON’T TEASE ME

-It’s Kain! You better not be Evil Moon Kain…

Probably makes it worse that he’s not brainwashed this time.

-GRR! You are! Or sort of? It looks like you’re actually different now. Evil Kain, but not Evil Moon Kain. Not brainwashed. I still believe you’re running some other game rather than a simple heel turn, but not sure exactly what that is.

-I like seeing Yang and Ursula fighting together, against Kain.

-The fight music against Kain is sad/mournful, not fight music, let alone boss fight music.

-Even though we “won” the fight against Kain, he dragoon-jumped over us, got the Wind Crystal, and leapt away. Part of his deal with Evil Moon Girl?

---

Fabul at Rest

Yang is despondent, but Ursula says they can take the crystal back from Baron. We get a flashback to when child!Rydia played this same role to a downcast party. It works as well here, and encourages Yang to push to Baron to confront Cecil.

The power of an encouraging word through the ages.

-And off they go! Ursula and Yang to set sail to face Cecil. And by “face Cecil” I mean “get eaten by the king of the sea monsters.”

---

Ship

-Quick little epilogue conversation here to the prior segment.

-Ursula brings up a great point to Yang. If Cecil’s already turned/taken/evil/whatever, the trip may be counterproductive. Edward’s eyes seemed to be even more open than Yang’s going into this trip.

-….

-Okay, time for the feels-punch of the session. Ursula is JEALOUS of Cecil, for the unconditional trust Yang has for him. Yang (out of fatherly-protective feelings) has consistently kept Ursula out of the spotlight, out of harm’s way, out of combat. She reads this protection as mistrust.

Ow.

-She’s not exactly wrong, although it’s more than simple mistrust.

-[Friday Night Lights, Season Four spoilers] Guvf fprar erzvaqf zr n ybg bs n pbairefngvba Wrff unq jvgu ure sngure, Ovt Zreev, naq gur znfgrecvrpr rcvfbqr "V Pna'g." Fur frrzf uvz rkgraqvat fhpu gehfg gb Ivapr, naq srryf gung qrfcvgr nyy fur'f qbar fur qbrfa'g trg gung fnzr erfcrpg. Urer, nf gurer, vg'f abg dhvgr gung fvzcyr, ohg fur anvyf n ybg bs gehgu.

"Lbh jnaan tb naq jngpu Ivapr cenpgvpr. Naq lbh'er cebhq bs uvz. V gel ernyyl uneq gb znxr lbh cebhq gbb."

-Monsters suddenly attack the ship. Easy monsters, but a lot of them.

-HI EDWARD

-Aha! The ship slowed down compared to the Damcyan ship because of residual damage from the monster attack. Makes sense. The fuel was damaged (it’s not just a wind-ship?), which is bad.

---

Next time: the monks look for a gas station.

FFIV After Years – Part 28: The Master of Fabul (Yang’s Tale)

Summary: We see Yang ruling over Fabul, and meet his daughter, Ursula. She’s awesome. Yang won’t train her formally, trying to protect her, but it doesn’t really work. She heads off on her own to Mt. Hobs, and Yang meets up with her with some redshirt monks. Together they investigate the impact crater from the fallen star. On their way back to Fabul, they see the Red Wings a-comin’.

----

Fabul

-“The Master of Fabul”

-Similar to Edge’s tale, starts in combat against monks. Trainees I guess.

-Yang’s daughter, Ursula! He won’t let her train with him though. Boo!

-Ursula apparently has a stubborn streak. And I like her already.

-Yang, similar to Edward and Porom for example, doesn’t want to believe that Cecil could turn Baron evil as he hears news of the crystal gathering.

-Ursula escaped Fabula, apparently to head for Mount Hobs.

-The new crater has nasty monsters at the new moon.

-Monks around Fabul think Ursula is a better fighter than any of them. I really hope I get to play as her!

-Off we go to Mount Hobs to find Ursula, with two monks in tow. I wonder: will we see the noble and wronged Dad Bomb? Maybe Vengeful Uncle Bomb?

----

Mount Hobs

-Standard monsters here.

-Not sure if bare hands are better than claws. Maybe claws are better if they break resistances (e.g. fire claws vs zombies or ice claws vs gators), and bare fists are better otherwise? In either case, a single claw seems like the worst option because I only strike once, rather than hitting once with a claw and once with a bare fist.

-Summit: HI URSULA

The same situation as when we first met Yang…

-I was kidding about Dad Bomb. It’s… oh, Mom Bomb? Another Mom Bomb I guess.

-Okay, I’m male, so it’s not like I’m (directly) the wronged party here, but it really kind of annoys me that this is yet another FF female that’s a healer. Ursula has got some badass monkery going and melee damage, but she’s the only one of the monks who can cast heals. I don’t know if that’s weird to be annoyed at something so small, but I’m annoyed nonetheless.

-Woohoo!! Ursula = new party member.

-Off to investigate the Fallen Star (the impact crater I guess).

-I like her sass, and how she wheedled her dad into letting her come. “Can I come, Dad?” “No! Too dangerous!” “Okay, fine. So I’ll trudge down Mount Hobs across the dangerous forest all by myself…” “…FINE, come with us.”

--Torn between wanting to heal with a tent and wanting to keep Waning Moon to boost my melee. Going with the moon and no tent.

-Huh?? I looted a spell, that allows Rydia to learn “Goblin.” WTF. That’d have to be the most useless summon of all even if I had Rydia in my party.

----

Impact Crater

-They reiterate that the star is rotting the earth.

-Back to Edge-style crater navigation rather than Edward-style. Instead of finding a normal path down the mountain, we get to hop down from gas vent to gas vent. Like a mini-game to find the right way.

-Moment #72 of Tale-Interactivity That I Love: When we get to the bottom, we see what Edge’s student made… that monument to the fallen monks of Fabul.

Thank you, Gekkou.

-OMG THE SYLPHS SHOW UP TO WARN YANG! Their sprites (hee!) look transparent, or rather faded somehow. Still shackled I guess but somehow transmitting to him.

-SYLPHS: “They’ve come for us! And they will come for the crystals next!”

I still am not quite sure how these tie together. I guess both were gifts from the Lunarians, and maybe these are some isolationist Lunarians who want to withdraw the gifts, feeling we’re not worthy of it. Or something?

-Back to Fabul, thankfully without encountering Evil Moon Girl. I’m glad they gave me a gas vent that pops me out of the crater without making me retrace the whole path down the crater.

---

Mount Hobs

-But no such luck on Hobs. Dammit. Have to retrace the whole damn thing.

-Little cutscene on the mountain: the Red Wings are heading to Fabul!

Ride of the Evil Moon Valkyries!

---

Next time: to Fabul to hopefully not get destroyed by the Red Wings.

FFIV After Years – Part 27: A Conspiracy Unmasked (Edward’s Tale)

Summary: Edward and crew head out to Baron and meet Evil Moon Cecil. Edward senses something is seriously wrong, and follows through on it without exposing himself. Edward is badass. (Never thought I'd say that.) They leave Baron, and the tale ends as they see that Yang's ship had been sucked down by Leviathan.

---

Ship to Baron

-Harley and Edward start talking about the moon. Edward wonders if it’s the same moon as before. I wonder this, too.

-OH SHIT HARLEY BROUGHT UP GOLBEZ. I forgot about him and FuSoYa, that they went into lunar hibernation or whatever after the fall of Zeromus. Maybe they’re on this moon? But we keep getting hints that this is a different moon than before, so probably no.

-WAIT

-WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT

Probably not Evil Moon Johnny Cash.

-Harley referred to Golbez just now as “the man in black.” Coincidence, or could the “man in black” from the end of Edge’s Tale be Golbez? We never saw Golbez without his helmet after all.

-Harley’s convinced this is a different moon. Hm. Okay, that probably does rule out Golbez, unless he and FuSoYa traveled away on Moon #1, hopped to Moon #2 to hibernate, and then it was Moon #2 that came here for The After Years.

-Fabulian ships off the port bow. AHOY, YANG!!

-They’re also Baron-bound.

-…Where’d the Fabulian ship go? It fell behind, and just never made it to the Baron docks.

---

Baron

-Not much happening in town. Just people worried about Cid, mostly.

-The soldiers let Edward into the castle. I’m surprised. I thought they’d go all Stepford/robotic and keep him out. Are things better now?

-No, they’re not. The guards inside the castle are what I remember. All they say is “…”

-Edward notices the lack of Rosa and Ceodore. He’s not buying the excuses that they’re sick and training, respectively.

-Cecil’s giving Edward a gift… uh-oh…

-Edward gives EvilMoon!Cecil his flowers in return.

-What’s going on? I feel like Edward is testing Cecil, but not sure how.

-Edward’s heard enough. Time to head home.

---

Ship to Kaipo

-YES! Edward knew it wasn’t Cecil.

- The gift… was something else… it has a girl’s voice coming from it. And we get Evil Moon Girl’s music…

-AHHAHAHAHAA IT’S A SPY THING! He’s hearing Baron’s throne room. Edward, you crafty SOB. That’s why we get EMG’s music. She’s on the other side.

-It’s whisperweed, the stuff that we used in the base game to beat the Dark Elf.

-This tale is giving me so much respect for Edward. He’s smart, sly, good-hearted, and brave. And yet it still feels like Edward.

-Edward hears EvilMoon!Cecil and EMG talking about the fire crystal of Damcyan. He thinks Cecil’s gift is a Carnelian Signet, THE SAME “GIFT” THAT DESTROYED MIST. Once again, the past repeating. Except this time Edward throws it into the ocean before opening it.

-And Yang’s ship gets eaten by (a probably shackled) Leviathan.

-END OF TALE!

-This was GREAT! One of my favorite tales so far. Although I don’t think the Evil Moon Gang would appreciate Edward’s ruse, his cunning attempt to trick them. It must feel so good for Edward to be right in his guess. There’s nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others.



---

Next time: Yang’s tale.

FFIV After Years – Part 26: Sick and Tired of Feeling Sick and Tired (Edward’s Tale)

Summary: Edward heads alone back to the Antlion Cave. He gets the Sand Pearl, then goes back to Kaipo to cure Harley. It kind of sucks. We learn that Anna and Tellah totally ship Edward and Harley. I now ship them too.

----

Daytime in Kaipo

-Edward is going alone.

-Oh crispy crap, do I have to go BACK through the waterway?

-Note to self: Challengingway is in Kaipo too.

---

Back to the Waterway

-Really?

-Really?

-Really. Bleh. Boring.

-At least I don’t have to go out of my way for treasure chests, since I just got them on the way through.

-Quick stop in Damcyan for some supplies, especially tents to trigger a full moon, and then to…

---

Antlion Cave

-I’m not happy about having to go through here yet again, but not as annoyed as I was at the Waterway. This time it’s my own fault that I explored it earlier, whereas the Waterway’s repetition was forced.

-The moon was waning, so I used three tents to hit full moon in the Antlion Den save point. That must have been a super boring time for Edward, waiting three moon cycles in the Den, and I’m sure Harley would’ve died by the end of the first moon cycle had this been real life.

-N.B. This is not real life.

-At least the antlions are still docile. Just took the Sand Pearl, no muss and no fuss.

---

Frigging Waterway

-Bandits! Who want to steal Edward’s medicine to sell.

-He escapes by… jumping off the bridge.

Thanks, Bandits, for summing up my feelings on this part of the game.

-At least jumping off the bridge took me almost to the exit for the Waterway.

-Still, the game should’ve given me a hovercraft to get to the Antlion Cave instead.

---

Kaipo

-How old is Harley, by the way? No idea. Could be in her early 20s, could be in her late 40s. A very ambiguous portrait, though I suck at gauging these things in real life and so am probably sucking at gauging it in game.

-So now Harley’s cured…

-And Edward faints LOL

-Thank God it’s just exhaustion. I was afraid I’d have to go as Harley to solo through the Waterway, Antlion Cave, and back through the Waterway.

-Aw. Harley stayed up all night by Edward’s bedside.

-DAMMIT. The last thing I needed was another ship. I already have my hands full with Spock and Uhura.

-That’s what Tellah and Anna are saying, right? They think Edward is trying to stay loyal to Anna, and thus not going through with some deep-seated love for Harley. They’re both trying to give him their blessing to move on maybe.

-Wait.

-Wait a sec.

Spoiler alert: I’m easily amused.

-Now the full party – the redshirts, Harley, and Edward, all head to the Kaipo docks to set said for Baron.

---

Next time: to Baron!

FFIV After Years – Part 25: Off to Kaipo (Edward’s Tale)

Summary: Edward meets with Baron’s emissary, who is considerably colder than Edward would have expected. He smells something rotten in the state of Baron (or EvilMoon!Baron, to be precise). So he, Harley, and the redshirt guard A-C head towards Baron to “visit” (investigate). They stop in Kaipo after Harley comes down with Desert Fever.

----

Damcyan

-Baron emissary requested a castle tour? Why? Spying?

-Cecil requests that the meteor be handled only by Baron. Of course, this is Evil Moon Cecil.

-So Edward senses something weird, and it’s off to Baron for a personal visit to EM!Cecil.

-Yay! Harley’s coming. I really like her so far.

-Edward’s getting Cecil Damcyan flowers. Aww. Very Edward of him.

-This is weird. I don’t feel guilty about raiding a castle for treasure. After all, it’s Edward raiding his own castle!

---

Underground Waterway

-I’ve never started from the Damcyan side before.

-Cool to go up the waterfall.

-Uh-oh. Harley’s feeling sick. If this were “Interlude” again, that’d indicate like a 66% chance of pregnancy.

-Is that a random kid in the waterway?

-Oh. He’s here to offer trades for tails. Bronze Tails, Iron Tails, etc. I don’t have enough to trade right now.

---

Kaipo

-Harley fainted!

-……

-Desert Fever. Really, game?

-Sand Pearls are only available during a full moon.

-Talk about history repeating. Now Edward is playing his lyre at night in Kaipo, talking to Anna’s ghost in the same place he talked to her in the base game.

-Anna’s ghost apparently looks sad. What’s she trying to tell Edward?

-HI TELLAH’S GHOST!!!

He’s still got a way with words.

-They’re trying to tell him to live fully. But isn’t he? He seems to be a pretty good and engaged king.

---

Next time: history continues to repeat itself with Desert Fever and the Antlion Cave.

FFIV After Years – Part 24: Star-Crossed Damcyan (Edward’s Tale)

Summary: We start out with a look at King Edward doing a pretty great job ruling Damcyan, and helping reconstruct other cities. His royal secretary, Harley sets out to investigate the falling star, and he eventually goes to help. He also sends out an emissary to Baron for advice on the falling star.

---

Damcyan

-How do you pronounce this? I do it DAM-see-ann (like “Anne” or “ban”)

-King is super busy, can’t be disturbed under any circumstances. Why?

-New character: Harley

-Uh-oh. Damcyan is in financial trouble.

-Harley is allowed through, even though the Chancellor is not. Who is she? What’s her role?

-Edward’s “do not disturb” time is playing his instrument. Lyre or lute or something.

-Harley = royal secretary. Edward seems to really trust her.

-And now we find out why Damcyan is in debt. Its financial support for the reconstruction of Fabul and Mist, and now Eblan.

-“Edward’s Tale: Star-Crossed Damcyan”

-That tital seems literal. A falling star hit near Fabul. (Evil Moon Girl’s.) It hit shortly after the arrival of moon #2.

-Edward is sending a messenger to Baron for counsel.

-Harley takes over the investigation of the falling star.

---

Night in Damcyan

-Still no word from Baron, and it’s been a while. Ruh-roh.

-Moving around the castle at night, and I stop by Harley’s room. Asshole king that I apparently am, I read her diary.

-She worries about the second moon
-Studied in Troia as a youth
-“If I could have it so, I would want this life [as a secretary at peace] for myself forever – a life free of war and strife.”

She sounds pretty awesome, and clearly appreciates the peace compared to the chaos of the Zeromus years.

-After Edward goes to sleep, he dreams of Anna near her grave in Kaipo.

---

Day in Damcyan

-Time to head out to see what’s up with Harley. She’s been gone too long.

-Cool! I get a retinue of redshirts. (Their names are literally Guard A, Guard B, and Guard C.)

-Not sure where to go exactly. Trying the Antlion Cave.

---

Antlion Cave

-My party is weak, but so are the enemies.

-Spoke too soon – the second floor Wraiths can definitely take a hit.

-Three Antlions are chilling out at the end. All are docile, just as Edward said back when we first went to the Antlion Lair to save Rosa.

-And back out.

-An enemy dropped a bronze tail. Wtf is that?

-Headed east to an “Impact Crater.”

---

Impact Crater Wall

-For a low level party like this, I like Edward’s “Salve.”

-Weird! I see guards as I move deeper into the crater. Harley’s guards?

-Yes. But they seem to be acting… I dunno, weird. “Sure, King! Keep going in. She’s farther down the crater.” That kind of thing.

-Found Harley, near the bottom of the crater. “It’s as if the earth itself has putrified.” I’m getting flashbacks to Lich/Vampire and their corrupting effect on the earth around Melmond back in FFI.

-Harley looks a lot like an FFIII Scholar.

-She has a skill called “Gil Toss” which does good AoE damage, but which I noticed a bit too late tosses actual gil. XD

-After heading back west to Damcyan, we see a bit of trouble. A Red Wing airship on its way.

---

Next time: we see what Baron has to say.

FFIV After Years – Part 23: Mysidia Under Fire (Porom’s Tale)

Summary: We arrive back in Mysidia, but in the middle of a monster assault. It started in Baron and came through the Devil’s Road. The Elder is wounded, but we manage to save him. Temporarily. Evil Moon Girl shows up to take the crystal. The Elder and Porom try to stop her, but fail. Kain shows up, and makes a pact with EMG. End of Porom’s Tale.

---

-Immediately upon arriving back in Mysidia, we see that the city is under an all-out monster assault.

-We charge to the Prayer Dais to check on the Elder, clearing out a Steel Golem along the way.

-The Crystal is still there at least.

-Elder in trouble, and boss fight to save him! This is against a floating eye, “Blood Eye.” Tough fight, and he does lots of damage, but Kain’s jump attack shreds him.

-The monsters came from the Devil’s Road apparently.

-DAMMIT KAIN. He left our party to head to Baron, leaving Porom in the dust.

-Porom runs out of the Tower to follow Kain, and runs into none other than Evil Moon Girl.

-Because of course. Of course she’s behind this.

-Incidentally, she gets really cool music whenever she’s on screen. Very… Moon-like.



-The Elder is coming out to stop EMG! IT’S ON!!

-…Except it’s not really on. These are two white mages against EMG. They barely do any damage. This is a recipe for disaster.

-Especially when she summons the still-shackled Ramuh.

-Just before Ramuh’s Judgment Bolt can strike, the Elder somehow protects Porom from its impact. He dies, but she is unharmed. Bye, Elder

-Kain came back! …with the crystal in hand. Why?

-He’s offering it to EMG if she first lets him kill the king of Baron. WTF game are you playing at, Kain? EMG agrees to this pact, and walks away.

-Kain jumps away, heading towards Baron before Porom can get an answer about what the hell Kain is doing.

-Leaving Porom in the corpse-strewn streets of Mysidia.

-Alone.

END OF POROM’S TALE

Next time: Edward’s Tale. I noticed that Kain’s Tale is also an option, but I think it may have opened up later, so I’ll get the first wave of tales done before moving onto Kain. Edward and then Yang, then Kain.

FFIV After Years – Part 22: Go, Tell It On the Mountain (Porom’s Tale)

Summary: Back to the present day. Porom and the Elder seek to bolster Mysidia’s defenses in light of the second moon’s return, and in light of the Lunar Whale randomly taking off. Porom heads to Mount Ordeals to find Kain. She does, and also holds brief palaver with KluYa before heading back to Mysidia.

---

Mysidia

-Starting out at the Prayer Dais. Porom is alone. Palom just now arrived in Troia, and Porom’s feeling stuck and alone in Mysidia.

-Porom really wanted to go to Troia, and part of it I think is feeling like she’s again taking a back seat to her brother.

-SHE’S WORRIED PALOM WILL “LEAVE HER BEHIND”!!!!! This is heart-crushing. I don’t know whether she means this magically, like he’ll surpass her, or family-wise, like he’ll go off and do his own thing and she’ll lose the close contact with her twin she’s always had. My guess: a little of each.

-The Elder says “The Dragon is crying.” Wtf

-Oh, that’s the dragon from the Mysidian legend about the Lunar Whale. AND THE LUNAR WHALE IS FLYING OUT OF THE OCEAN INTO SPACE. BYE LUNAR WHALE.

-Now they want to gather power. With Palom absent, it’s off to find Kain on Mount Ordeals.

-LOLOLOL during this next part, which we saw already in Edge’s Tale, we get to see the ninja-in-frog-disguise lurking in the background, but this time from Porom’s perspective.

Hi, Tsukinowa the Toad!

-And off goes Porom to Mt. Ordeals! Toad in tow, as we saw when playing through Tsukinowa’s mission. Yet again, I love how we see these separate tales intersect. Really cool storytelling mechanic.

-The Elder’s sending a black mage and white mage with Porom.

-Bows/arrows for all!

-I wonder… was the Lunar Whale occupied, or is it semi-sentient?

---

Mt. Ordeals

-Many undead. And Liliths still are annoying.

-Got to the top, but no Kain sightings yet… I do see the stone obelisk though1

-Porom senses something, however faint, from inside… a voice! KluYa still?

-They ported inside the obelisk. It’s the same basic design as when Cecil became a paladin, but it’s in bad shape. Most of the mirrors are smashed up.

Then KluYa speaks:

“O gentle white mage
I… am about to fade…
But my spirit… will never be extinguished…
My sons have always believed in you… And now…”

I’m not sure what the upshot of this is, cool to see anyway.

-Back down the mountain, but a horde of undead pulls a Scarmiglione on us (i.e. ambushes us on the bridge). Things look bleak, but KAIN TO THE RESCUE!

-Did Kain and Porom ever meet? I think so, but can’t remember.

-Kain still has sworn of Baron (for shame of his actions as part of the Cagnazzo-controlled city?), but Porom convinces him he still cares for his home city. Kain joins up!

-Btw, he’s powerful as fuck.

-Back down the mountain we go. But a brief interlude where Porom’s Tale intersects with the end of Palom’s Tale. She stops and senses Palom is in danger. This is right as Evil Moon Girl finally takes the crystal from Palom, but I only know that from playing Palom’s Tale. Porom’s spidey-senses are much vaguer, only sensing general trouble.

-Chocobo back to Mysidia.

---

Next time: Mysidia

FFIV After Years – Part 21: Eidolon Request Denied (Porom’s Tale)

Summary: Small session here, but it’s a natural break, so whatever. Our little party pushed through the Passage of the Eidolons to the border of the Feymarch. However, when we got there, Palom’s request to visit the Feymarch itself was denied. Back to the surface, and then time skip ahead for the next part.

---

Passage of the Eidolons

-Tougher mobs than before. Mortblossoms are annoying with their mass poison (“Blossom”) and Treants hit pretty hard. Liliths are super annoying with their retaliation “Slap” that can stun or silence.

-Gray Bombs, strangely enough, are not bad. They self-destruct and do damage to one of my party members, but this is only minor damage.

-Pretty standard dungeon path. A few secret passages and chests, but nothing too memorable.

-Hm. They get near the portal to the Feymarch and Rydia says, “The training ends here.”

She warns about the time synch issue, how Palom and Porom’s (or is it “Palom’s and Porom’s”?) friends will be way younger than them if they visit. Predictably, Palom doesn’t give a shit, and Porom appreciates the warning.

-I get the sense that my earlier concern may be in Rydia’s mind, that the Eidolons don’t generally like human visitors. Porom would probably be fine and respectful, but Palom might stir up some shit just by virtue of being Palom.

-Rydia: “Promise me you’ll wait here.” And we get an option to pick “Yes” or “No.” I pick “Yes.” Rydia hops into the Feymarch to check things out with the Eidolons. I wonder what would happen if I were to pick “No” instead, but I imagine that Rydia would just have not left us alone by the portal and that would’ve been the end of it right there.

-While she was down in the Feymarch – which took a while for her, but for us was just like 20 seconds – Palom and Porom discussed wtf might be happening. Palom thinks Rydia is flat out trolling them, and is annoyed that she took them down there at all with no intention to let them in. Porom thinks it’s more complicated, that Rydia is “testing their heart.”

-Rydia pops back out, and now seems pretty shaken up. Why? What happened to her down there? She says we can’t go in. Not much more explanation.

-Warp out, back to the surface.

-AHA!! Luca is a mechanical badass, and now Cid knows it from watching her fix the ship. This is where he takes her on as his apprentice.

-End of section! This must be a couple of years before the return of the second moon. I hope we get back to this later, and find out what Rydia learned when she went down there. I believe she was excited to take Palom and Porom to the Feymarch at first, and that she only decided later on that the scenario had changed.

---

Next time: we catch up with Porom in the present day.

FFIV After Years – Part 20: Many Meetings (Porom’s Tale)

Summary: We jump forward in time to the present, shortly before the arrival of the second moon as best I can understand it. Some of our characters are re-uniting. Palom and Cid arrive in Mysidia on the Falcon to pick up Porom. They head over to Mist to meet up with Rydia, and head to the Underworld for a little trip to the Feymarch. But they’re not done! Along the way, they stop in the Dwarven Castle to pick up Luca. There’s a legitimate possibility that Luca and Palom will eventually be sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g.

---

Several years later…

Mysidia

-Now this feels like the present. Porom’s all pink-haired and older.

-Cid and the Falcon show up to give her a ride to Mist for a visit. She’s annoyed the Palom didn’t show up, but moves ahead.

-…and Palom was already on the ship, having boarded on Baron. He didn’t tell her this change of plans, and he all of a sudden shows that he’s SUPER TEENAGERY.

You’re not the boss of me!

---

Mist

-Hi, Rydia!

-Palom wants Rydia to take him to the Feymarch! Same conflict as with Tellah. On one hand, I’m glad he respects her enough to ask. On the other, it makes me kind of sad that this was the main reason for his visit rather than just to see Rydia for itself.

Rydia sounds open to the idea here, but I have serious concerns about how the Eidolons will react to Palom’s particular… ahem, charm.

-Porom will go too, but she sounds reluctant to adventure out like that. And Cid!

-Or maybe Cid’s just the wheel man.

-Rydia’s mom’s grave: “Here lies the motherly summoner who protected our village.” :(

-Random Mistian: “Thanks to Rydia, Cecil, and the young man who sneaks in here sometimes, we couldn’t feel more secure.” What young man? Ceodore? One of the mystery characters, like the guy who accompanied Ceodore?

---

Ship

-They’re stopping at the Dwarven Castle. Yay! More Luca!

-LOL – Palom’s not happy about this. Romance gone south?

-New moon time.

---

Dwarven Castle

-Some “weirdos” left the pub recently with luggage, complaining about lack of sleep. Huh?

-HEE! IT’S THE GAME DEVELOPERS!

-More treasure pillaging…

-The Devs’ office is closed. They moved, and even left a note saying “Do not even try to look for us.” I guess they’re really gone.

-Luca’s apparently hates dwarven fashion, and so struck out to set her own style.

-Luca isn’t anti-Palom… she wants to join… why is Palom so eager to leave?

-AHA! Giott says that Luca goes on and on about Palom before Luca stops him. XD

-Hm. Cid and Luca both joined my party, but are not in my party window. Are they non-combat characters?

Or maybe it’s like FFIII. In that game, my main party would sometimes get side characters tagging along who I couldn’t control, but who would randomly cast spells or fight in combat.

-Off we go!

---

Ship

-LOLOL Luca and Palom flirting awkwardly is kind of adorable. So maybe it’s a mutual crush, but Palom has no idea wtf to do.

-Luca will stay with the ship and Cid will work on repairs.

---

Next time: Into the Feymarch.

FFIV After Years – Part 19: The Well-Worn Path (Porom’s Tale)

Summary: This takes place several years after the previous introduction, but not in the present events of Evil Moon Girl’s attack yet. Porom and Palom set off to train by retracing Tellah’s path from Kaipo through the Underground Waterway to fight a monster there.

---

Several years later…

---

Ship

-Palom is off to Kaipo to train to be a sage. Why Kaipo?

-Ah. It’s Tellah’s homeland, and he wants to walk in his footsteps. Again, I’m not sure whether to be a bit sad that he’s taking the “Path of the Sage” thing so literally, or whether to be kind of impressed that he respected Tellah so greatly.

-Porom and Palom are holding the same kind of conversation as there was between the Elder and Palom. Palom wants to be a sage on his own, for what seems like the glory of sagehood. Porom says that the title of sage can only be granted by the people of the world if he uses his magic wisely over the long-run.

-Apparently, the Elder and Tellah traveled the world extensively before each settled down in his own respective town. This is really cool to me.

---

Kaipo Docks

-Wait… how does Kaipo, in the middle of the desert, have docks?

-Oh, the docks are at the desert’s edge.

---

Kaipo

-Tellah’s grave is here.

-And King Edward visits it, and Anna’s grave, regularly. :(

-Rumor from town: a 10-legged beast is in the Waterway. Can’t be Octomamm (who’s both dead and had eight legs) – who then?

-Tellah’s grave: “Tellah, the great sage, rests in this desert oasis together with his beloved daughter, Anna.”

-Porom and Palom each reflect on Tellah’s grave in different ways. Porom wishes Tellah peace and happiness, and also hopes he looks out for Palom. “He really needs it.”

Palom is more casual (“Hey old man! Guess it’s been a while…”), but just asks for Tellah to help him become a sage too. No thought of Porom here, which kind of makes me sad.

-Strange for me, while their reflections on Tellah’s grave were expected, their reflections to Anna’s grave were soul-crushingly heart-breaking.

Palom wonders if Anna was anything like his mom.

…

…

I have no idea who their parents are. A part of me wonders if this is going down a line where the twins are Tellah’s grandchildren from before Anna met Edward, but I seriously doubt this.

Porom is worried about the kind of woman she’ll grow into. She’s heard how warm and loving Anna was, and wonders if she’ll ever be like that or just intellectual.

-We also learn that Kaipo is now part of the Kingdom of Damcyan. All hail King Edward (and the Glow Cloud, of course, but also King Edward)!

-Onto the Underground Waterway

---

Underground Waterway

-Palom recognizes the bridge where Tellah and Cecil first met. This reminds me of Fellowship of the Ring, when the party comes across the stone trolls from Bilbo’s story years earlier.

-Again, Palom is thinking about how he’s on a sage’s path, and Porom has to remind him to stay focused on the present.

-Standard monsters down here from the base game’s waterway. Toads, zombies, shellfish, etc.

-Note to self: Toads only seem to cast “Toad” in retaliation, so let Palom Blizzard them down.

-We come to the waterfall leading to Octomammoth. Palom gets ready to jump, as Cecil and friends did in the base game, but Porom very reasonably is a bit freaked at the idea of JUMPING DOWN A FRIGGING WATERFALL. She gives in eventually, and they jump, but I’m glad at least someone brought up the idea that jumping down a waterfall isn’t exactly smart.

-Boss time! And it’s… son of Octomammoth? A palette swap definitely, Cooler Mammoth. Unlike Octomammoth, Cooler Mammoth’s tentacles were separate creatures called Cooler Leeches (like tentacles).

This fight was rough. Died twice before figuring it out.

The first time, I tried using Thundara on all the mobs. It didn’t harm the Mammoth, but did major damage to the Leeches. Problem was that after I destroyed them, the Mammoth regenerated them all, and they wore me down. The second time, I tried taking down the Leeches one by one, with the plan to attack the Mammoth once only one Leech was left, but I wasn’t watching Porom’s health well enough.

The last time was successful. Started out with Protect on both of us, which helped a lot. Proceeded to ignore the Leeches, and just use Porom for Cura on both the twins and Palom for Fira on the Mammoth. Did massive damage to him, and once the Mammoth went down, the Leeches went down with him/her.

[By the way, does Protect stack, the way it did in FFII, or is a single cast of Protect the max benefit I can get from it?]

-And Palom still sees this victory as just “Sage Trial #1.”

-Sorry, but I have to quote this in full. It absolutely applies:

“All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph. Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A Jedi craves not these things. You are reckless.”

Just substitute “Sage” for “Jedi,” and we nail down Palom’s main problem that Porom keeps trying to teach him.

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Next time: Back to the future. Hopefully with a bit less focus on Palom.