FFV – Part 39: Of Comfort No Man Speak

Summary: Exdeath uses the crystals of Galuf’s world to attack our party. Krile steps in, but he zaps her too. Galuf manages to break Exdeath’s hold, and fights him one on one. Galuf wins, everyone lives, rainbows appear, and puppies carry us away to feast in victory. Right? Please?



Guardian Tree

-I love that as Exdeath walks in here, his music crashes in. This is a villain who no doubt likes his coffee black, just like his metal. (Apologies to Mindless Self Indulgence.)

Mwa-ha-ha!

-Is that what those elemental blobs were? Seals? Sealing what?

-They were the crystals that bound Exdeath. This confuses me. I thought that the crystals back in our world were the crystals that bound Exdeath. Did these bind him to his current form, or bind his power or something?

Mwa-ha-ha!

-OH FUCK the crystals are now under Exdeath’s command, and zapping us to death.

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Bal

-Krile senses we’re in trouble. Save us, Krile ex Machina!

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Guardian Tree

-Exdeath: “Time for your viscera to see the light of day.” Damn. Exdeath is hardcore.

-Some blink of light knocked Exdeath out. It was Krile’s spell. Hurray! This is, what, the third time she’s saved us?

-What now? Kill Exdeath and find out that we can never extinguish his hatred, and then kill Exdeath-eromus maybe.

-OH SHIT HE’S NOT DOWN. He threw a fire ring around Krile, and is using it to bounce her all around the room, all the while reactivating the zappy crystals.

Exdeath in control. Mwa-ha-ha!

-DO NOT KILL KRILE. THAT WOULD NOT BE OK

-Galuf gets up, and fights through the zapping crystals to keep walking forward. The crystal binding him shatters, which seems like a bad thing.

-He knocks Krile out of the ring of fire and takes her place inside it. The ring collapses around him, but he seems unhurt. Instead, he takes on this glow, and then walks towards Exdeath.

-Boss fight! KICK HIS ASS, GALUF! GO GALUF GO

-Really liking this fight music too! Shout out on this to the one and only Erin Lynn Jeffreys Hodges.  And Exdeath’s sprite is really cool.

-Galuf has 0 HP this whole time. I guess the crystal made him invulnerable, because he doesn’t die.

Mwa-ha-ha!

Exdeath pours Flare, Holy, and Meteor spells onto Galuf, Galuf shrugs it off. FUCK YEAH

EXDEATH: “Fool! All the hatred in the universe isn’t enough to defeat me!”
GALUF: “This isn’t anger. This isn’t hatred. It’s…”

WHAT? Don’t cliffhanger me! Is it friendship? Love? Snark? Potatoes?

-Victory!

-The remaining crystals are going into Exdeath’s fallen body and he blinks out. I get the sense that this was a teleport bilnk rather than a death blink.

-Galuf’s down. White magic his ass!

Mwa-ha-… wait, what the hell?

-really?

-what

-you’re fucking kidding me

-Bartz tries “Curaga,” Lenna tries “Raise,” Faris tries “Elixir,” nothing

-wtfwtfwtf

-HIS SPRITE DISAPPEARED

-this is not ok

-I’m literally tearing up, to put it lightly. You’re really killing off Galuf?

You infest your game with puns, jokes, cartooniness. Your villain is a “mwa-ha-haing” tree. This was a fun romp. No main folks died in FFI. In FFII, side characters dropped off all the time, but the tone of the game was somewhat dark. FFIII I don’t think any main characters died. FFIV upped the ante, but it was a fairly dark and tragic setting from the start, so even when Tellah bit it, it was kind of expected.

This, though? To one of my favorite characters in the series? Never had a bigger gut punch in a game. Dammit.

Congratulations, FFV. You’ve made this 31 year old dude basically cry. Hope you’re happy. God.

-WAIT MAYBE NOT!! Krile can hear him “calling”! Maybe we’ll have a quest to revive him? Yes?

-She runs outside.

GALUF: “The Guardian Tree, which has protected the crystals for a thousand years, is letting me borrow its power to speak to you.”

-Oh. Cool. You were just raising my hopes. That’s friendly of you, game.

-GALUF: “You’re not alone, Krile.”

-Whoa. Krile got Galuf’s abilities. I guess she’s replacing him.

-Galuf imparted his knowledge/understanding on Exeath to Krile? TELL ME.

-Oh. Exdeath’s trying to destroy the crystal. Onto Exdeath’s castle via Krile’s wind drake.

-Fuck.

So say we all.

“Of comfort no man speak:
Let's talk of graves, of worms, and epitaphs;
Make dust our paper and with rainy eyes
Write sorrow on the bosom of the earth.”
-Richard II

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Next time: Something that isn’t as soul-crushing as this.