Mission: Zack, the Materia Hunter > From a Hot Treasure Hunter > Suspicious Mail 1 (1/6)
-Ok, this is pretty funny. The spam letter I got a few sessions back has a campaign line associated with it.
Spam mail from earlier.
I have no idea what this will be like.
-It’s an open grassland setting. I kill a bunch of Hedgehog Pies (lol), and then what?
-YOU’RE
-FUCKING
-KIDDING
-ME
-How did I not see this coming? HOW? I get a mysterious note about hunting down treasure, and look who shows up. Of course.
-She set this up to get Zack to lead her to treasure and reclaim it for Wutai.
YUFFIE: “Nar har har har har!” Best laugh ever.
-Then she starts crying that Zack won’t give her treasure and runs off. Check your pockets, Zack.
-LOL – I got another letter from “Treasure Princess.” I already like this campaign more than the prior one.
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Mission: Zack, the Materia Hunter > From a Hot Treasure Hunter > Suspicious Mail 2 (2/6)
-hjdklafhadjklsfhasd this is AMAZING
-So I get that Yuffie wants Zack to help her dig up treasure, but I had no clue why Zack as a Shinra employee would ever go along with it. The next mission’s text basically says “Because Zack probably felt guilty about making Yuffie cry last time and has to assuage his guilt by helping her.” Bless.
-Beautiful island setting. Very easy monsters, overleveled here. After clearing out the last one, Zack finds the treasure, opens the box…
-AND YUFFIE SWOOPS IN AND STEALS IT FROM HIM BEFORE RUNNING AWAY LOLOL
I could watch Flustered!Zack get stolen from by the manipulatively wonderful Yuffie all day long.
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Mission: Zack, the Materia Hunter > From a Hot Treasure Hunter > Suspicious Mail 3 (3/6)
-The next letter from Yuffie says that the last one contained just a receipt. She literally includes a frowny emoticon in her email. Gotta find more stuff. Assuage that guilt, Zack!
The mission text even acknowledges this.
-!!! Just found “Cait Sith’s Megaphone” in a treasure chest, and now he’s on my DMW. YES. Cait/Reeve was a manipulative fuck, but now he’s on our side.
-After clearing the monsters, the prior scenario repeats. Charlie “Zack” Brown dives for the treasure, but Yuffie “Lucy” Kirsaragi pulls it out from under him.
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Mission: Zack, the Materia Hunter > From a Hot Treasure Hunter > Suspicious Mail 4 (4/6)
-im done. im dead. Yuffie’s email includes an angry emoticon that the last Shinra “treasure” was worthless.
-The mission text continues to snark the fuck out of Zack (and me, the player) for going along with this.
-Underground grotto zone. I already feel like Zack is a character straight out of Kung Fury, so I’ll just roll with it: this place is swarming with scuba ninjas.
-Another treasure swipe, though her follow-up email suggests that the chest just had a Shinra roster of names from human resources. “Oooh, this is making me so mad! > (( If you botch this next one, you’re fired, buster!”
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Mission: Zack, the Materia Hunter > From a Hot Treasure Hunter > Suspicious Mail 5 (5/6)
-Yuffie says she heard that Shinra’s secretaries buried treasure in a coal mine. Ok lol.
-Hey, it’s our old friend Dorky Face!
-Zack looks super prepared to defend the treasure. Yuffie distracts him, makes him look away, and swoops in behind Zack to steal it. Zack’s all “next time I see her, I’ll make her regret it!”
I personally put the chances of Zack making Yuffie regret fucking with him at 0.00031%.
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Mission: Zack, the Materia Hunter > From a Hot Treasure Hunter > Suspicious Mail 6 (6/6)
-I don’t care how silly this premise is. Seeing Yuffie’s emails is totally worth every second. She challenges Zack to a duel in finding some secret Shinra science treasure she heard about.
-Boss of this place is a Dual Horn, and she doesn’t look like she’s in great shape. Pulsing a weird odor and slow just off. Gotta say that I do love “Libra” for letting me always see her HP and status.
Libra at work.
-Zack gets to the treasure chest and opens it. A voice pipes up:
YUFFIE: “One, through the embers of a war not one. Two, to restore her homeland’s glory. Three, from the rubble and the ash. Look out! It’s the Treasure Princess!”
But Zack’s not having it this time. He doesn’t really yell at her or anything, just tells her to work on her thievery technique. Hone it. Practice practice practice!
She starts to cry and runs away. Zack starts to feel bad, catches himself being totally manipulated… but feels guilty anyway.
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Next time: More spam, though looks like it won’t be from the Treasure Princess.
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