FFVII Crisis Core – Part 26: Satanic Ostriches from Planet X

 Summary: Forgettable campaign story, just Zack killing monsters to get stuff for Shinra, but very challenging mechanics. Lots of dying to lots of things. I fail repeatedly to complete the last mission in the campaign due to ostrich monsters who keep one-shotting me and I give up. Grr.
 


Mission: Seeking Precious Items > Zack, the Treasure Hunter > Desert Island Surprises (2/6)

-Shinra found a treasure-dropping monster on this island. Ok.

-Dorky Faces are here, but the ostrich monsters are the toughies here. (Not too bad though.)

-Got some adamantite. ZACK = WOLVERINE CONFIRMED?? Tbh, I wouldn’t put it past Hojo.

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Mission: Seeking Precious Items > Zack, the Treasure Hunter > An Item for Fusion (3/6)

-Shinra found an area with materia catalysts. And look! It looks exactly like every other grassland plain I’ve come across! Le gasp!

Just felt like popping in a Cissnei “Lucky Stars” limit break screenshot here.

Yeah. This grasslands map is my least favorite. Random encounter rates are through the roof and I’m not sure how to avoid it the way I am with other maps. I also don’t feel comfortable just making a beeline for the boss, because I’ve come across some rare stuff in treasure chests in this map, like the Cait Sith Megaphone, so I have to explore.

And fight. And fight. And fight and fight and fight.

-Got some Dark Matter as a result. Not as cool as it sounds – just a minor materia fusion boost.

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Mission: Seeking Precious Items > Zack, the Treasure Hunter > Item in the Caverns (4/6)

-It really feels like they gave up on even trying to provide a decent story or purpose for these missions.

I’m not saying it has to be epic or Shakespeare or anything like that. But come on, game.

-HOLY SHIT – the Gargoyle reskins (called “Demons”) here just cast “Death” on me and that was it. Died. At least I have a Safety Bit to prevent that as I try again.

-Tried again, and I still got fucked up royally by the first monster pack. They stung me, poisoned me, quaked me, walled themselves, silenced me.

”Warning! You died.”

-Ok, one more try. I’ve equipped accessories to make myself immune to all that. Let’s give it one more shot.

-Died again. But this time to something different. It was a Bomb monster that self-destructed and killed me much more quickly than I’m used to. Gotta prioritize those things.

-FUCKING YES! Defeated... well, just the first monster pack, but progress!

-DOUBLE FUCKING YES!!! The next fight, I got to summon Cactuar for the first time.

He and Zack danced together a bit, and then shot out a massive barrage of needles killing the demons instantly. AWESOME.

-My “Zack is Kung Fury” theory gains steam each time that Zack makes an enemy blow up by punching them really hard.

”What are you doing, Zack?” “*hero growl* My job.”

-Final boss was a pack of FOUR bombs and wasps. Spammed Blizzara to take them out quickly. Victory!

-In what’s becoming a theme for FFVII, this mission was totally bare story-wise and incredibly satisfying mechanically. I raid in World of Warcraft two nights each week, and the most fun part about it is failing, figuring out what happened, and correcting it. I got that satisfaction in spades on this mission. Well-done.

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Mission: Seeking Precious Items > Zack, the Treasure Hunter > Item in the Coal Mines (5/6)

-This mission is listed as “Very Hard,” but I’ll give it the ol’ college try.

-Pet peeve: finishing a fight, moving forward about a half step, and retriggering THE SAME FIGHT. WHY IS THIS A THING.

-The Hedgehog Pie/Boundfat model is easily my favorite in the game.

-Success. Got two “Hero Drinks,” but can’t seem to find them in my inventory.

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Mission: Seeking Precious Items > Zack, the Treasure Hunter > Item in the Wasteland (6/6)

-Another “Very Hard” mission. Come on, Zack. Let’s bring this campaign home. FOR SHINRA!

-More ostriches of death here, called “Titanis.” - DAMMIT. They killed me. Their beak hits drain like 90% of my health. Probably a sign I shouldn’t be in this mission, but it’s the last one of the campaign! I can do it!

-Dead again. Maybe a Titanium Bangle (HP +40%) will help.

-And dead once more. Let’s try a more ranged approach against these satanic birds. Maybe Gravity and Blizzard?

Calling Chris Pratt.

-DEAD DEAD DEAD. One last shot.

-Yeah. Fuck this. Not happening. I have zero room for error, and any attack that either the Hedgehog Pie reskins or the ostriches land kills me in one hit.

Rinse, repeat.

I’ll come back later.

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Next time: something less deathy.