Coldrun Fitness - Day 83

I failed miserably yesterday.  It was kind of predictable.  I aimed to eat 700 calories less than usual to balance out the binges of the prior two days, and instead accelerated my slide.  I didn't have a 4,000 calorie binge yesterday the way I did Wednesday, but in the afternoon I gave up and stopped tracking what I ate.

There's a sick freedom in that.  I don't mean "perverted" sick, but rather something more literal.  The freedom to ignore my health and regress.  It's not an insubstantial thing, and if I ignore it as something to get over, if I ignore its power and allure, I'll go down.

Posting this early to encourage myself to keep track of calories today.  I'll update as I go.  Trying to remember a lesson I should have learned, but am still learning: the opposite of chaos isn't a different kind of chaos, but rather balance.  My goal today is 2,400 calories.

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7:20pm: Ate 2,550 because I miscalculated as I went.  Still better than yesterday.  Baby steps back to doing well I guess.

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Diet

• Pretzels. (250 cal)
• Chipotle burrito bowl with white rice, steak, mild salsa, cheese, guacamole, lettuce. (760 cal)
• Bottled mocha frappuccino. (180 cal)
• Almond chocolate chip scone. (410 cal - from a local pastry shop, but that was the calorie count for a similarly sized raspberry chocolate chip scone from Starbucks.  Seems reasonable) 
• 6" wheat sub with tuna, cheddar, lettuce, olive, cucumber, mayonnaise.  Cheetohs. (950 cal)

Total calories: 2,550

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Exercise