New Year - Soft Reset

Hi!  New Year is my favorite holiday.  A time for re-charging, re-setting, re-energizing.  Re-focusing.

I finished off this year losing focus, losing progress I made, but I'm not losing hope.  Just the opposite.  Feeling optimistic as the new year approaches, and part of that involves a "soft reset."  Tomorrow will again be "Day 1," and rather than judging myself by the 275 weight that's long in the rear-view mirror now,  I'll look at whatever weight I am tomorrow as my new starting point in 2016.

Specific goals after the jump!

Coldrun Fitness - Day 157

FFVIII – Part 27: Word and Sorcery

Summary: A chilling introduction to President Vinzer’s ambassador: the calm, compelling caster known as the Sorceress. See ya, Seifer. (For now.)

Coldrun Fitness - Day 156

Another good day.  Building some momentum.

I'm super worried about momentum this week.  I don't want to slip more.  Spent the last day trying to think of ways not just to eat better, but to deal with some stressors that could cause me to regress.  One of those stressors is the belief that I have to eat unusually little, which just puts my focus on eating and what I don't have and makes me binge.

So for this week, I won't use the caloric debt system.  I'll probably come back to that eventually, but if I eat too much one day, I'll just bring my focus back to eating in balance rather than trying to "make up" for the bad day.

FFVIII – Part 26: Do it Live

Summary: President Vinzer’s broadcast, interrupted by the reappearance of Seifer and Quistis.
TW: emetophobia

Coldrun Fitness - Day 155

End of week #22 weight: 242.8 lbs
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End of week #21 weight: 236.8 lbs
End of week #20 weight: 239.8 lbs
End of week #19 weight: 239.6 lbs
End of week #18 weight: 242.0 lbs
End of week #17 weight: 243.8 lbs 
End of week #16 weight: 247.8 lbs
End of week #15 weight: 246.6 lbs
End of week #14 weight: 248.2 lbs
End of week #13 weight: 248.2 lbs
End of week #12 weight: 250.8 lbs
End of week #11 weight: 249.4 lbs
End of week #10 weight: 251.8 lbs
End of week #9 weight: 255.2 lbs
End of week #8 weight: 257.8 lbs
End of week #7 weight: 258.6 lbs
End of week #6 weight: 256.4 lbs
End of week #5 weight: 260.0 lbs
End of week #4 weight: 262.0 lbs
End of week #3 weight: 262.4 lbs
End of week #2 weight: 265.0 lbs
End of week #1 weight: 268.2 lbs
Start of week #1 weight: 275.2 lbs

FFVIII – Part 25: When We Were Young

Summary: Finished my tour of Timber, visiting various families, train stations, the hotel, and magazine offices. Saw near unanimous sympathy for the Forest Owls among the townspeople. More of Squall’s defining character traits: jerkhood and boredom.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 154 (Notes on this week's absence)

This was a strange week.

I fell back into my old eating habits of pure binging, always eating out and getting junk food from the local gas station, and never feeling remotely hungry.  At first, I made excuses like, "I can fast one day and make up for it," or "It's just a brief thing," but it became a pattern.

Odd, how easy it was to slip back into that.  Never been good at coping with stress, and this was my primary method.  Felt lonely and frustrated and ashamed and restless.

The week is thankfully over.  Probably gained 4-5 pounds.  (Yes, it was that bad.)  But my progress over the past 154 days wasn't lost just with one bad week.  A setback, and one that'll take a couple of weeks to recover from.

When I weigh in tomorrow, I'll try to not freak out, even though it'll probably be closer to 141 lbs.  Chill, move on.

I'm not a piece of shit.  I'm not.

FFVIII – Part 24: In Da Pub

Summary: Exploring the city of Timber.

TW: domestic violence

FFVIII – Part 23: Copy of a Copy

Summary: The “negotiations” with “President Deling.” Preparation to return to Timber.

FFVIII – Part 22: The Train Job

Summary: The team learns and executes Rinoa’s plan to hijack a Galbadian train, kidnapping President Vinzer Deling.

FFVIII – Part 21: The Princess and the Dog

Summary: A short but delightful session. The SeeDs arrive in Timber and meet the rebels. The rebel princess revealed. DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG

Coldrun Fitness - Day 151

9:00am: Not feeling it the last couple of days.  Ignoring personal responsibilities, to-do lists that have served me well, and just...  It's hard to say.  Feeling like I don't care.

It'll pass I hope.

Gave up on tracking food yesterday and binged.  About 3,300 cal.  I doubt I'll "pay off" my caloric debt this week, but I'm less worried about that now.  Going to try getting things under control, to put myself into a position where I can steal some success.

Posting this early and tracking as I go today.  That usually encourages me to track accurately when this feeling hits.  It encourages me to care.

---

12:30pm: Calling it a day.  Ate a big lunch, and I think I'll try to leave it at that.  Water and soda the rest of today.

Haven't given up hope on still losing weight this week, and actually feeling okay at the moment.  If I can push through today, I'll be able to make up a lot of lost ground the next few days by staying at the manageable 1,900-2,000 cal range.


Caloric debt (start of day): 2,200 
Caloric debt (end of day): 1,280

FFVIII – Part 20: Sensate

Summary: End of the “dream.” Many unanswered questions, but an incredibly sweet and sympathetic portrayal of Laguna, Kiros, and Ward.  Meeting Julia.  Hints at deeper ties. Arrival at Timber.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 149

A binge day.  No way to state it other than that.  It happens.  I can do better.

Feeling unfocused.  Will work tomorrow to refocus.

Caloric debt: 1,090

FFVIII – Part 19: Steam Train, Dream Train

Summary: Some more time spent in Balamb. A nice relaxing train ride to Timber wait what’s this what’s happening who are you who are we what the fresh hell is going on

FFVIII – Part 18: Testing Knowledge

Summary: A preparatory session. I take a SeeD test *coughcough a few times coughcough* and think through party set-up.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 148

End of week #21 weight: 236.8 lbs
--- 
End of week #20 weight: 239.8 lbs
End of week #19 weight: 239.6 lbs
End of week #18 weight: 242.0 lbs
End of week #17 weight: 243.8 lbs 
End of week #16 weight: 247.8 lbs
End of week #15 weight: 246.6 lbs
End of week #14 weight: 248.2 lbs
End of week #13 weight: 248.2 lbs
End of week #12 weight: 250.8 lbs
End of week #11 weight: 249.4 lbs
End of week #10 weight: 251.8 lbs
End of week #9 weight: 255.2 lbs
End of week #8 weight: 257.8 lbs
End of week #7 weight: 258.6 lbs
End of week #6 weight: 256.4 lbs
End of week #5 weight: 260.0 lbs
End of week #4 weight: 262.0 lbs
End of week #3 weight: 262.4 lbs
End of week #2 weight: 265.0 lbs
End of week #1 weight: 268.2 lbs
Start of week #1 weight: 275.2 lbs

Coldrun Fitness - Day 147

Solid finish to the week.  Feeling confident going into tomorrow's weigh-in.


Caloric debt remaining with the week finished: 30

FFVIII – Part 17: Bedeviled

Summary: Some Triple Triad success around the school. The team sets out for Timber, before opening the worst going away present of all time. Thanks, Cid.

FFVIII – Part 16: Mysterious Stranger

Summary: Quistis and Squall save a mysterious woman and leave the Training Center. I procrastinate starting on my first mission in favor of playing Triple Triad around the school. My stronger card pool nets me many wins, but I blow my chance to get a card I badly wanted.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 146

Ate pretty well today.  Cut into caloric debt.

Caloric debt: 310

Coldrun Fitness - Day 145

Someone gifted me a box of delicious holiday cookies.  150 cal each.  I go to them too easily, but haven't been splurging on them really.  Going to adjust by having two per day instead of 3-4.


Caloric debt: 480

Coldrun Fitness - Day 144

Ate more than usual, but didn't full-on binge.  Feeling okay.

Caloric debt: 410

Coldrun Fitness - Day 143

FFVIII – Part 15: Teacher Evaluation

Summary: The inauguration party. Squall dances with a mysterious woman. A somewhat confusing midnight visit to the training center for Squall and Quistis. Squall is kind of a jerk. Unfortunately, so was I, totally misunderstanding the conversation and Quistis’ intentions until much later.

I was tempted to remove the part where I got annoyed at her hitting on Squall because I no longer believe that happened at all. It really bothers me and I feel legit guilty and ungracious, but whatever. It was my honest reaction. It stays.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 142

FFVIII – Part 14: Inauguration

Summary: Back at the B-Garden School. Squall passed the test! So did Selphie and Zell! Seifer did not! There’s a party! Everything is beautiful – especially the exuberance of Selphie and Zell.

FFVIII – Part 13: Card Capture

Summary: Exploration of the Balamb region and the town itself. I experiment with the Card GF ability, hunt for weapon upgrade items (mostly unsuccessfully).

Coldrun Fitness - Day 141

End of week #20 weight: 239.8 lbs
--- 
End of week #19 weight: 239.6 lbs
End of week #18 weight: 242.0 lbs
End of week #17 weight: 243.8 lbs 
End of week #16 weight: 247.8 lbs
End of week #15 weight: 246.6 lbs
End of week #14 weight: 248.2 lbs
End of week #13 weight: 248.2 lbs
End of week #12 weight: 250.8 lbs
End of week #11 weight: 249.4 lbs
End of week #10 weight: 251.8 lbs
End of week #9 weight: 255.2 lbs
End of week #8 weight: 257.8 lbs
End of week #7 weight: 258.6 lbs
End of week #6 weight: 256.4 lbs
End of week #5 weight: 260.0 lbs
End of week #4 weight: 262.0 lbs
End of week #3 weight: 262.4 lbs
End of week #2 weight: 265.0 lbs
End of week #1 weight: 268.2 lbs
Start of week #1 weight: 275.2 lbs

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This was unexpected.  I thought I'd go up at least 1-2 pounds.

To borrow a phrase from Lafayette in Hamilton, I snatched a stalemate from the jaws of defeat.  I'll take it. (No, I didn't just survive the winter at Valley Forge, but I do enjoy the song!)

Coldrun Fitness - Day 140

Had a rough go of things earlier this week, but didn't give up and finished strong.  Some good days to couple with the bad this week.

Probably gained a couple of pounds this week, and I'm okay with that.  I didn't give up.  That's enough for now, say thankya.

FFVIII – Part 12: Dollet Departure

Summary: Two old friends return. The Communications Tower reactivates. The squad flees from Dollet, pursued by a mechanical monster. Quistis is awesome, Seifer’s a jerk, news at 11.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 139

A better day.

FFVIII – Part 11: Loud Strife

Summary: Squad B reaches the Dollet Town Square, then pushes on against orders to the Communications Tower. Selphie joins. Everyone decides that it’s “Pick on Zell Day.” Grr. On a happier note, PUPPY!

Coldrun Fitness - Day 138

Overate, but didn't binge.  Made some good choices (like not getting fries with a burger or eating a bread when I didn't need it) and some bad choices (like eating a croissant in the morning, a cookie in the afternoon, or lots of pretzel nuggets in the evening).

I'm close.  If I had made a better choice one of those three times, I would've been fine.  Close.

FFVIII – Part 10: Seedlings

Summary: Squall explores Balamb. The team begins their test mission in Dollet. Zell and Quistis team up to annoy Seifer and Squall.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 137

Yesterday was another binge day.  Didn't track, just ate and ate.

Been feeling awful about myself, and binge eating has historically been a way I dealt with it.  An old habit I tried on again the last couple of days.

But I've been here before on this journey from 275 lbs to 240 lbs.  It happens, and I know how to deal with it.  Two binge days means I won't lose weight this week, and probably will gain weight.  There's nothing to do about the past now.  It's the past.  My goal is to do as well as I can for the rest of the week.

Today, I'm publishing this Coldrun Fitness post early, and updating as I eat.  This should help allay the temptation to ignore tracking, to further slide and lose momentum.

FFVIII – Part 9: Pell-Mell Zell

Summary: Back at the school, the class gets ready for the SeeD tests. The squad assembles, led by Seifer. We meet the absolutely ridiculous Zell.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 135

Bad day.  Felt disorganized, depressed, out of sorts all day.  Binged.

Caloric debt: 890

FFVIII – Part 8: Fire Cavern

Summary: We conquer the Fire Cavern, learn about elemental junctioning, and spend a lot of time drinking enemies’ milkshakes to stock up on spells. (Sorry, that’s the image that’s 100% locked into my head whenever I use “Draw.”)

FFVIII – Part 7: Up the Junction

Summary: Finished up at the school. Quistis and Squall head to the Fire Cavern as Quistis drops some knowledge about junctioning GF and junctioning magic. I do my best to absorb it.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 134

End of week #19 weight: 239.6 lbs
--- 
End of week #18 weight: 242.0 lbs
End of week #17 weight: 243.8 lbs 
End of week #16 weight: 247.8 lbs
End of week #15 weight: 246.6 lbs
End of week #14 weight: 248.2 lbs
End of week #13 weight: 248.2 lbs
End of week #12 weight: 250.8 lbs
End of week #11 weight: 249.4 lbs
End of week #10 weight: 251.8 lbs
End of week #9 weight: 255.2 lbs
End of week #8 weight: 257.8 lbs
End of week #7 weight: 258.6 lbs
End of week #6 weight: 256.4 lbs
End of week #5 weight: 260.0 lbs
End of week #4 weight: 262.0 lbs
End of week #3 weight: 262.4 lbs
End of week #2 weight: 265.0 lbs
End of week #1 weight: 268.2 lbs
Start of week #1 weight: 275.2 lbs

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WOOHOO!  Welcome to the 230s!  Celebrated today by getting a new pair of jeans, one size smaller than I've been wearing.  (40x32 down from 42x32.)

On we go.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 133

Caloric debt cleared!  Weigh-in tomorrow.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 132

One more day until weigh-in.  Feeling good.  Nearly cleared my week's caloric debt.

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Caloric debt: 100

FFVIII – Part 6: Win, Lose, and Draw

Summary: Dipping my toes into what appear to be deep, deep waters of battle operations. Squall gets eaten by a dinosaur.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 131

Caloric debt: 510

FFVIII – Part 5: Stroll Through the Garden

Summary: I explore the different wings of the school.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 130

I erred today.  I went to a chicken place and ordered three chicken fingers with sauce.  When I got home, I saw they included two sauces, fries, and toast, and I ate it all.  I regretted not refrigerating or throwing away the extra food immediately.

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Caloric debt remaining: 880

FFVIII – Part 4: Triple Threat Triad

Summary: I explore the school a bit, but mostly get lost in the glory and wonder (and no small amount of confusion) of playing cards.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 129

Minor binge day.

Caloric debt: 470

FFVIII – Part 3: Garden Network

Summary: Learning more about the world of FFVIII and the Balamb Garden.

FFVIII – Part 2: Squall and Quistis

Summary: Dipping our toes into the new environment of the Garden School.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 128

End of week #18 weight: 242.0 lbs
---
End of week #17 weight: 243.8 lbs 
End of week #16 weight: 247.8 lbs
End of week #15 weight: 246.6 lbs
End of week #14 weight: 248.2 lbs
End of week #13 weight: 248.2 lbs
End of week #12 weight: 250.8 lbs
End of week #11 weight: 249.4 lbs
End of week #10 weight: 251.8 lbs
End of week #9 weight: 255.2 lbs
End of week #8 weight: 257.8 lbs
End of week #7 weight: 258.6 lbs
End of week #6 weight: 256.4 lbs
End of week #5 weight: 260.0 lbs
End of week #4 weight: 262.0 lbs
End of week #3 weight: 262.4 lbs
End of week #2 weight: 265.0 lbs
End of week #1 weight: 268.2 lbs
Start of week #1 weight: 275.2 lbs

FFVIII – Part 1: Love on the Horizon

Summary: Some of my terrible predictions, and the intro cinematic.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 127

Got home from Thanksgiving visit with the family.  I hope you all had a wonderful week!

Just wanted to check-in.  I didn't track calories over the break, but (Thanksgiving day aside) I did my best to restrain myself, to eat less than I might otherwise.  To eat samples rather than full meals.  I think I did okay, and feel surprisingly confident going into tomorrow's weigh-in.

Resuming my normal daily updates tomorrow.

Thanksgiving Break

I'll be away from home for Thanksgiving, so no posts for the next few days.

Starting Final Fantasy VIII next week.  SO PUMPED WOOHOO!!

See you then. :)

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 35: Out with Guns Blazing

Summary: Some brief parting thoughts on Final Fantasy VII – Dirge of Cerberus.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 123

I'm especially proud of tonight's dinner.  A moment of compromise.

One of my go-to "binges" is a particular fried chicken tender combo meal from a fast food place here in Minneapolis.  The combo has six chicken tenders, two cups of special sauce, cole slaw, Texas toast, and french fries.  It comes to a total of around 1,500 calories.

I was about to do that tonight.  I had eaten well recently and wanted to binge.  Felt the urge for this!  (The tangy sauce is what ties the food together.  Super good.)  Then I remembered - I didn't have to go whole hog. 

Opted for a much reduced version of the meal.  The best parts are the chicken tenders and the sauce.  The rest is nice, but just extra padding.  Ate it, still feel an edge of hunger, and that particular itch is scratched.  Success in small.

Weird, to feel satisfied with eating a dinner of fast food fried chicken for health reasons, but there it is.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 122

Coldrun Fitness - Day 121

Another week begins.

I'm visiting family for Thanksgiving break, spending four days there.  I'll have to develop a strategy to handle my eating there better than I did my last trip.  I'm a creature of habit with the food I eat to stay under my calorie cap, so travel is a natural danger zone for me.

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 34: Vincent’s Valiant Time

Summary: Vincent’s final battle against Omega/Weiss. The epilogue.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 120

End of week #17 weight: 243.8 lbs 
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End of week #16 weight: 247.8 lbs
End of week #15 weight: 246.6 lbs
End of week #14 weight: 248.2 lbs
End of week #13 weight: 248.2 lbs
End of week #12 weight: 250.8 lbs
End of week #11 weight: 249.4 lbs
End of week #10 weight: 251.8 lbs
End of week #9 weight: 255.2 lbs
End of week #8 weight: 257.8 lbs
End of week #7 weight: 258.6 lbs
End of week #6 weight: 256.4 lbs
End of week #5 weight: 260.0 lbs
End of week #4 weight: 262.0 lbs
End of week #3 weight: 262.4 lbs
End of week #2 weight: 265.0 lbs
End of week #1 weight: 268.2 lbs
Start of week #1 weight: 275.2 lbs

Coldrun Fitness - Day 119

I feel better about my eating and exercising this week than I have in a while.  Optimistic going into tomorrow's weigh-in.

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 33: Chaos and Omega

Summary: Vincent fights inside Omega, eventually reaching some kind of combination between Omega and Weiss.

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 32: The Gang’s All Here

Summary: Lucrecia’s story wraps up. Vincent goes into a controlled Chaos form and moves in for Omega, with an assist on the ground from friends old and new. I include a huge amount of images here because this session was visually delightful.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 118

Coldrun Fitness - Day 117

Coldrun Fitness - Day 116

The first half of this week has gone well, today included.

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 31: Birth of a Monster

Summary: Omega awakens. It’s pretty badass. Shelke data-explores inside Omega, and we see some Lucrecia backstory later in her experiments.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 115

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 30: Three’s a Crowd

Summary: Vincent takes on Hojo, with an assist from Nero and the actual Weiss – albeit an assist with apocalyptic consequences.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 114

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 29: Death Professor

Summary: We learn how Hojo became Weiss.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 113

End of week #16 weight: 247.8 lbs
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End of week #15 weight: 246.6 lbs
End of week #14 weight: 248.2 lbs
End of week #13 weight: 248.2 lbs
End of week #12 weight: 250.8 lbs
End of week #11 weight: 249.4 lbs
End of week #10 weight: 251.8 lbs
End of week #9 weight: 255.2 lbs
End of week #8 weight: 257.8 lbs
End of week #7 weight: 258.6 lbs
End of week #6 weight: 256.4 lbs
End of week #5 weight: 260.0 lbs
End of week #4 weight: 262.0 lbs
End of week #3 weight: 262.4 lbs
End of week #2 weight: 265.0 lbs
End of week #1 weight: 268.2 lbs
Start of week #1 weight: 275.2 lbs

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I'm feeling angry and frustrated at this point.  I hate hate hate sliding back.  Yet I'm optimistic - hell, even excited!- going forward.  More after the break.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 112

Left with about 300-400 calories of caloric debt.

I'm not feeling good or confident going into tomorrow's weigh-in.  I've had 2,400 calories as my limit for a while now, since I was at 262 pounds.  Unless I lose over one pound or gain weight tomorrow, I'll switch to 2,300 calories.  If I lose over one pound tomorrow, I'll stay at 2,400 - at least for another week.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 111

Caloric debt: 430

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 28: Unmasked

Summary: AAAAAAH!!! Nero goes down. Vincent “meets” “Weiss.”

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 27: Return to Reactor Zero!

Summary: Vincent pushes deep into Mako Reactor 0, finding Yuffie and Nero along the way.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 110

Coldrun Fitness - Day 109

Caloric debt: 400

Coldrun Fitness - Day 108

Really great day.  I felt organized and focused, and made it into the evening at only 1,100 calories.  It let me have a big dinner to meet my cap, whereas I usually have to skimp in the evenings because I eat so much for breakfast and lunch.

Woohoo!

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 26: Data Extraction

Summary: Short session. A series of cutscenes which I think (though am not 100% sure) are Shelke rifling through some of Vincent’s and Lucrecia’s memories. Bit of set-up before starting in on Mako Reactor 0.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 107

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 25: Super Ninja Radiance

Summary: Vincent continues his trek through Deepground. Great fight with Nero that goes surprisingly well. After Nero’s second wind, an enthusiastic ninja saves the day.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 106

End of week #15 weight: 246.6 lbs
---
End of week #14 weight: 248.2 lbs
End of week #13 weight: 248.2 lbs
End of week #12 weight: 250.8 lbs
End of week #11 weight: 249.4 lbs
End of week #10 weight: 251.8 lbs
End of week #9 weight: 255.2 lbs
End of week #8 weight: 257.8 lbs
End of week #7 weight: 258.6 lbs
End of week #6 weight: 256.4 lbs
End of week #5 weight: 260.0 lbs
End of week #4 weight: 262.0 lbs
End of week #3 weight: 262.4 lbs
End of week #2 weight: 265.0 lbs
End of week #1 weight: 268.2 lbs
Start of week #1 weight: 275.2 lbs

Coldrun Fitness - Day 105

I ate more than I intended today, but still feel pretty good about how this week wrapped up.  Feeling pretty calm and optimistic that I may have lost a bit going into tomorrow's weigh-in.

---

Final caloric debt this week: 310.  Not clear, but close!

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 24: Shelke in the Void

Summary: A great little section focusing on flashbacks seen through Shelke’s eyes. Her experience within Nero’s void. (Not sure of the actual name for it or what it is, so I’m going with that term for now.)

Coldrun Fitness - Day 104

Overate a bit today.  I wasn't tempted to binge, but I was tempted to eat more than I did.  Like, after I had dinner (pizza out), I started walking to the gas station to get a chocolate bar.  Decided not to.  No regrets!

Tomorrow's going to be a bit tough since my cap will be 1,880 to clear my caloric debt, but it's doable.  If I had that chocolate bar tonight, I would've had to eat closer to 1,550 calories to clear my debt, which is much less doable.

---

Weekly caloric debt: 520

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 23: A Heap of Broken Images

Summary: Vincent pushes through the ruined Deepground city, on foot and on motorized mine cart thing. Nero’s void stuff attacks. Shelke lurks inside.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 103

Remaining caloric debt: 390

Coldrun Fitness - Day 102

Binged today.  In the evening.

Feeling... strange.  Euphoric and hopeful in spite of my binge.  I don't know why.  What a weird night.

---

Caloric debt: 870

Coldrun Fitness - Day 101

Coldrun Fitness - Day 100

100 days and 27 pounds later...

End of week #14 weight: 248.2 lbs
---
End of week #13 weight: 248.2 lbs
End of week #12 weight: 250.8 lbs
End of week #11 weight: 249.4 lbs
End of week #10 weight: 251.8 lbs
End of week #9 weight: 255.2 lbs
End of week #8 weight: 257.8 lbs
End of week #7 weight: 258.6 lbs
End of week #6 weight: 256.4 lbs
End of week #5 weight: 260.0 lbs
End of week #4 weight: 262.0 lbs
End of week #3 weight: 262.4 lbs
End of week #2 weight: 265.0 lbs
End of week #1 weight: 268.2 lbs
Start of week #1 weight: 275.2 lbs

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 22: Azul’s Final Form

Summary: An awesomely fun segment to play! A challenging fight against the various forms of Azul and we bid a glorious, Chaos-infused farewell to the second Tsviet. Only Nero remains. Vincent arrives at Deepground.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 99

Got home from my vacation with the family tonight.  I tried to eat okay, but was going by feel rather than calorie counting.  My guess when I weigh in tomorrow is that I won't have any significant change in weight, but we'll see.  I could have lost a pound or gained a pound.  Dunno.

Back home now, so back to counting calories tomorrow.

Hiatus

Hi all!

I'll be away from home and regular computer access from Wednesday, Oct 28, until Sunday night, Nov 1.  No fitness or Final Fantasy posts in that duration, but will resume next week.

Just a brief intermission. 

Have a great week!

Coldrun Fitness - Day 94

 Good day.  I cut into my caloric debt, and felt good and productive today.

The next week will be tricky.  I'll be visiting family out of state from tomorrow through Sunday, and so out of my usual food routines.  I'll eat out more, and won't be able to get a perfect calorie count the way I can at home.

My plan is to basically count the best I can, err on the side of being conservative, and try to stay balanced.

---

Caloric debt: 370

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 21: Empire in Ruins

Summary: Nero the Sable assaults the Shera and fights Shelke in one of my aesthetically favorite scenes in this game. Vincent fights through the rubble of the Shinra Building, pushing towards Deepground.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 93

Weekly caloric debt: 630

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 20: You’ve Got Red On You

Summary: Vincent pushes through the end of the Train Graveyard. Sadly, no Phantom Train sightings. Brutal, frustrating, and awesome fight with Rosso.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 92

End of week #13 weight: 248.2 lbs
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End of week #12 weight: 250.8 lbs
End of week #11 weight: 249.4 lbs
End of week #10 weight: 251.8 lbs
End of week #9 weight: 255.2 lbs
End of week #8 weight: 257.8 lbs
End of week #7 weight: 258.6 lbs
End of week #6 weight: 256.4 lbs
End of week #5 weight: 260.0 lbs
End of week #4 weight: 262.0 lbs
End of week #3 weight: 262.4 lbs
End of week #2 weight: 265.0 lbs
End of week #1 weight: 268.2 lbs
Start of week #1 weight: 275.2 lbs

Coldrun Fitness - Day 91

Solid day!  Went about 70 calories over my goal, but basically balanced out to about 2,400/day this week.  I'll take it.

Feeling confident going into tomorrow's weigh-in.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 90

8:30am - This has been a challenging week.  It's gone better than last week, but still a lot of push/pull in terms of eating more than my calorie limit.  I still have almost 900 calories of debt to clear in two days.  It's doable.  I'm in a position to succeed.  First step on that challenge is to eat 2,000 calories today.

---

7:40pm - Success!  Highly productive and focused through the day, calm in my eating.

I also enacted the lessons from last week.  Threw out the lingering candy at home (since I kept forgetting to bring it in to work), and brushed my teeth after I finished eating.

---

Caloric debt: 350.  Tomorrow, my calorie cap to clear this will be 2,050.  I can do that.

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 19: Urban Warfare

Summary: Vincent moves through the Train Graveyard towards Deepground’s central complex. It’s a winding maze of busted trains that I remember from FFVII. Shelke’s voice as guide.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 89

Remaining caloric debt for the week: 870

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 18: Attack on Deepground

Summary: A cinematic of WRO’s frontal assault on Midgar, held by Deepground.

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 17: Dust in the Wind

Summary: Shelke taps into the Shera’s computer, and we learn more about Omega’s purpose and the goals of Deepground.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 88

Weekly caloric debt: 1,100 cal

Coldrun Fitness - Day 87

I have a dental appointment this afternoon.  I hit 1,840 cal early in the day, so going to cut into my caloric debt a bit by stopping eating now.

---

Caloric debt:300

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 16: Exploring the Shera

Summary: Cid’s ship, the Shera, touches down. Vincent wanders around, talking to the WRO members aboard and learning more about the world.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 86

Lessons learned from today:

• Don't keep Halloween candy in the house.  Bring it to work, leave it there for others.  Too easy to binge.
• Once I hit my desired caloric limit for the day, brush and floss.  Makes it easier to stop.

That's all.  Moving on.

---

Weekly caloric debt: 700

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 15: My Sister’s Keeper

Summary: Vincent joins Shelke and Shalua inside WRO headquarters. Zombie!Azul becomes the mighty Behemoth!Azul. Shalua sacrifices herself (probably?) to save Shelke from Azul.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 85

End of week #12 weight: 250.8 lbs
---
End of week #11 weight: 249.4 lbs
End of week #10 weight: 251.8 lbs
End of week #9 weight: 255.2 lbs
End of week #8 weight: 257.8 lbs
End of week #7 weight: 258.6 lbs
End of week #6 weight: 256.4 lbs
End of week #5 weight: 260.0 lbs
End of week #4 weight: 262.0 lbs
End of week #3 weight: 262.4 lbs
End of week #2 weight: 265.0 lbs
End of week #1 weight: 268.2 lbs
Start of week #1 weight: 275.2 lbs

Coldrun Fitness - Day 84

This was a rough week overall.  I won't be surprised if I gained 2-3 pounds.  But I'm kind of okay with that.

It was three bad days, and that didn't sink me.  Yesterday was pretty good, and today was even better. I even did my first real push-ups (not knee push-ups) since starting this project!

Yes.  Good.  On we go! 

Coldrun Fitness - Day 83

I failed miserably yesterday.  It was kind of predictable.  I aimed to eat 700 calories less than usual to balance out the binges of the prior two days, and instead accelerated my slide.  I didn't have a 4,000 calorie binge yesterday the way I did Wednesday, but in the afternoon I gave up and stopped tracking what I ate.

There's a sick freedom in that.  I don't mean "perverted" sick, but rather something more literal.  The freedom to ignore my health and regress.  It's not an insubstantial thing, and if I ignore it as something to get over, if I ignore its power and allure, I'll go down.

Posting this early to encourage myself to keep track of calories today.  I'll update as I go.  Trying to remember a lesson I should have learned, but am still learning: the opposite of chaos isn't a different kind of chaos, but rather balance.  My goal today is 2,400 calories.

---

7:20pm: Ate 2,550 because I miscalculated as I went.  Still better than yesterday.  Baby steps back to doing well I guess.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 81

Huge binge today.  Felt super unsettled, like I was putting things off and distracted and unable to focus or concentrate.  Food was my escape, and I gave up.  Almost 4,000 calories. 

But you know what?  Fuck it.  I'm not giving up on the week as a whole.  My caloric debt is 2,100 this week.  I have three days to pay it off.  1,700 calories the next three days.

81 days ago, I would never be able to do this.  I'd never be able to recover.  There was no foundation of success.  Now, I have 80 days worth of success.  I have practice.  I know what works.  I have strength I didn't have then.

It's not penance, or punishment, or anything.  It's balance.



I can do this.  Three days. 

Coldrun Fitness - Day 80

Overate today.  Not a binge per se, but still significantly more than my daily cap.  Caloric debt of 500 calories to work off.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 79

3:30pm: I ate a lot before now, and only have 420 calories left for the day.  I'm not really thinking about binging, but am in danger of going into caloric debt.  Feeling pretty hungry still.  My plan is to hold off until I get home around 5:00pm, eat some pretzels, and finish with a microwave dinner.  That's the carrot I'm hoping will help me not stop by a McDonald's on the way home.

---

6:00pm: Success!  Ate my 2,400 calories and feeling pretty settled.

---

9:15pm: Minor side-note: got a flu shot today, and light fever/chills at the moment.  Maybe shouldn't have gone for that walk in the brisk Minnesota night, but what's done is done.

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 14: Second Wind

Summary: A calm day at WRO headquarters goes belly-up as zombie!Azul awakens, Deepground attacks again, and Vincent begins a counter-attack to break into the besieged compound.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 78

End of week #11 weight: 249.4 lbs
---
End of week #10 weight: 251.8 lbs
End of week #9 weight: 255.2 lbs
End of week #8 weight: 257.8 lbs
End of week #7 weight: 258.6 lbs
End of week #6 weight: 256.4 lbs
End of week #5 weight: 260.0 lbs
End of week #4 weight: 262.0 lbs
End of week #3 weight: 262.4 lbs
End of week #2 weight: 265.0 lbs
End of week #1 weight: 268.2 lbs
Start of week #1 weight: 275.2 lbs

---

Cool!  The 240s.  I haven't been here in years!

Coldrun Fitness - Day 77

This was a good day and a good week.  No binges.  When I got into brief caloric debt, I cleared it quickly. 

Feeling confident going into tomorrow's weigh-in, and optimistic about possibly even dropping some from last week's 251.8 lbs marker.

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 13: Rose of Wutai

 Summary: Yuffie saves the day, acts like her awesome self, and we learn some more about Vincent’s past with Lucrecia. No gameplay here, just cutscenes. [Side note: is it just me, or does “Dirge of Cerberus” have a much higher percentage of cutscenes than pretty much every prior entry in the FF series?]

Coldrun Fitness - Day 76

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 12: The Way to a Man’s Heart

Summary: Vincent ascends through Shinra Manor, learning about Deepground from Rosso along the way. Tough boss fight, and then shit gets real.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 75

Coldrun Fitness - Day 74

Coldrun Fitness - Day 73

Exceptionally calm about food today.  No radical bursts of "OH GOD SO HUNGRY," and I don't exactly no why.  Just a low stress, steady work day.  Enjoying it.

---

Late night, ate more pretzels than I meant to.  Caloric debt of 100 calories.

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 11: Destroyer of Worlds

Summary: No gameplay this session, but tons of Omega-related world building from Lucrecia that I try to process.

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 10: Solid Cait

Summary: Cait Sith gets a solo adventure, sneaking (badly) around the Mako Reactor before meeting a new Deepground villain, Nero the Sable. A first glance at Omega, who may be an even Bigger Bad than Weiss.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 72

Written at 9:50am: I'll have to be careful today.  Things were on track last Monday until the end of work, when I felt really hungry and went to McDonald's drive-through and binged with a huge meal, and a candy bar from the gas station.

That trip home from work is the "danger zone" I'll have to be on guard for.

---

Written at 1:15pm: I'm currently sitting at 1,860 calories.  My plan is to drink a lot of water between now and getting home around 5pm.  When I get home, I'll have prepare some ramen soup for dinner with some frozen yogurt, brush my teeth, and be done for the day just below 2,400 calories.  It'll probably be an early dinner, around 5:15pm or 5:30, but I find it MUCH easier to not eat at home in the evening, when I can read or watch TV or game, than during the day.

That's how I navigate the danger.  Now to follow through on that plan.

---

Written at 4:20pm:  Heading home soon.  Feeling pretty good.

---

Written at 5:45pm:  Success!  Had dinner at home, hit 2,400 calories, and not tempted at the moment to binge.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 71

End of week #10 weight: 251.8 lbs
---
End of week #9 weight: 255.2 lbs
End of week #8 weight: 257.8 lbs
End of week #7 weight: 258.6 lbs
End of week #6 weight: 256.4 lbs
End of week #5 weight: 260.0 lbs
End of week #4 weight: 262.0 lbs
End of week #3 weight: 262.4 lbs
End of week #2 weight: 265.0 lbs
End of week #1 weight: 268.2 lbs
Start of week #1 weight: 275.2 lbs

---

Weight fluctuates from day-to-day in weird ways, so I'll try not to panic if I don't go below 251 lbs next week.  I'll just focus on what I can control: averaging 2,400 calories and doing my regular exercise.

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 9: Sewer Crawl

Summary: Vincent moves through the sewers beneath Shinra Manor, fighting off Sahagins and soldiers.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 70

Content with how I ate and exercised.  Cleared my caloric debt this week by eating 2,100 calories today, averaging 2,400 per day.  Feeling relaxed going into tomorrow's weigh-in.

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 8: Something Blue

Summary: End of the Tsviets’ attack on WRO headquarters. We take out Azul, and defeat his companion Orangehair (real name: Shelke, who turns out to be Shalua Rui’s sister).

Coldrun Fitness - Day 69

Some progress on my caloric debt today.  If I eat 2,100 calories tomorrow I'll be in good shape and will have met my weekly goal.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 68

Coldrun Fitness - Day 67

Still about 410 calories of debt, but doing ok today.

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 7: Assault on Precinct WRO

Summary: Some backstory on Lucrecia and Vincent. Azul leads a Tsviets (or Deepground? Still unclear on their relationship, but I think it’s the Tsviets group) attack on Reeve’s WRO headquarters.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 66

Did pretty well today.  1,980 calories, so about 400 calories left in "caloric debt" for this week.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 65

Just a bad day.  Felt unsettled, hungry no matter what, and totally unfocused all day.  Binged at the end.


I'll be ok.  My plan as I sit here tonight is to try to get back on track with 2,400 calories tomorrow, and have two of the following three days cap at 2,000.

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 6: Inside Edge

 Summary: Vincent infiltrates Edge, which is overrun with enemy troops. (I’m assuming most enemies are Deepground, since I don’t know enough about the Tsviets.) Encounter with Rosso.
 

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 5: Hounded

Summary: The Big Bad enemy gets named: the Deepground Soldiers. Citizens have been disappearing from the town of Edge, so Vincent and Reeve head over there pursued by Deepground hounds.

 

Coldrun Fitness - Day 64

End of week #9 weight: 255.2 lbs
---
End of week #8 weight: 257.8 lbs
End of week #7 weight: 258.6 lbs
End of week #6 weight: 256.4 lbs
End of week #5 weight: 260.0 lbs
End of week #4 weight: 262.0 lbs
End of week #3 weight: 262.4 lbs
End of week #2 weight: 265.0 lbs
End of week #1 weight: 268.2 lbs
Start of week #1 weight: 275.2 lbs

Coldrun Fitness - Day 63

Last day before weigh-in day, and I feel I ended the week pretty strong.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 62

Solid day.

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 4: Color War

Summary: Vincent [lol, wrote “Zack” before editing] has met the enemy, and he is us. And by “us” I mean some powerful color-themed enemies such as Azul and Rosso. Met Reeve/kitty.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 61

I want to be fair to the "2,400 calories per week" plan before adjusting.  I'm not currently doing that.

Right now, I've eaten about 500 net calories more than that this week.  My plan is then to make up the difference.  My calorie limits for the next three days will be 2,100, 2,400, and 2,200.  We'll see on Sunday whether it made a noticeable difference.

Well... no, I guess we won't, since I won't be able to see my weight on an alternate Sunday where I didn't do this.  But I think it'll help and seems reasonable.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 60

Victory from the jaws of defeat tonight.  Went over my calorie limit, but only by a bit.  Was on the verge of binging and didn't.  So that's good.

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 3: Kalm Under Pressure

Summary: Let’s a-go! We begin briefly three years ago with a mission for Yuffie and Vincent, and then flash to the present where a hostile force (Shinra maybe?) attacks Kalm. Vincent tries to save some folks while on his way to see Reeve(!!).

Coldrun Fitness - Day 59

Today was a great day.  Just felt calm, balanced, and in control.

---

I'm adjusting my Chipotle calorie count.  I dramatically overstated the calories I counted earlier, and will use the website calculator more directly unless I get a larger portion of something than expected.

I overcounted it before because I thought, "Hey, better to overcount than undercount."  Which is true.  But better to count accurately than overcount.  I thought there was no harm to overcounting, but there is.  It's the same reason I don't want to set a calorie limit of 1,800.  It'll cause me to be hungrier than I need to be, and I don't have great willpower to begin with.

So I'll try to be as accurate as possible in my push for 2,400 calories daily.

---

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 2: Shoot ‘Er!

Summary: Finished the tutorial, experiencing much of the game’s firearms systems. All pretty well explained except for limit breaks, about which I learned jack.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 58

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Part 1: Guns and Ammo

Summary: Where I get absolutely overwhelmed as I seems to enter a new genre of game. Intro and tutorial.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 57

End of week #8 weight: 257.8 lbs
---
End of week #7 weight: 258.6 lbs
End of week #6 weight: 256.4 lbs
End of week #5 weight: 260.0 lbs
End of week #4 weight: 262.0 lbs
End of week #3 weight: 262.4 lbs
End of week #2 weight: 265.0 lbs
End of week #1 weight: 268.2 lbs
Start of week #1 weight: 275.2 lbs

Coldrun Fitness - Day 56

Last day of the family visit.  A good bike ride, but ate too much out. 

Coldrun Fitness - Day 55

Morning: The next couple of days will be tricky.  Family is visiting, which means way more eating out than usual. I'm going to do my best to make good choices and not give up.

---

Evening: Did well today.  Went out to a steakhouse for dinner with my family and it could've gone so much worse had I not been looking out for good decisions.  Some examples:

• 6 oz. steak instead of 12 oz.
• Salad instead of clam chowder.
• A small macaroon instead of ice cream or cake.

Didn't even try to count calories since I don't have any kind of guide that tells me how much each was, but as I sit here tonight I don't feel bloated.  I also didn't eat a ton beforehand.  Feeling pretty happy at the moment.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 54

Evening

Furious.  Just so fucking mad right now.  Threw my keys, threw books, punched my bed a few times, slammed doors.

I did an evening weigh-in just out of curiosity and came in at 260.4 lbs.  I shouldn't have even checked my weight, since I always weigh in on Sundays and in the morning, so it's not apples to apples.  But still.  I hadn't done that badly this week!  I worked out and went for walks and mostly stayed in my calorie range.

I feel like I'm going backwards, like it's never going to get better in the long run and I'm always going to be this same fat and ugly fuck I am now. 

I'm not looking for comments or reassurance or "Don't worry, you've been doing really well!" or anything like that.  I'm sure that in the cool light of the morning I'll feel better, and know that if I stick to my plan then in 4-5 weeks I'll be in the low 250s or high 240s if I'm lucky which would be awesome.

Just needed to vent.  The hopelessness I feel now is just as much a part of me and this process as any pride I felt in small successes.  I don't want to ignore it.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 70: Becoming a Hero

Summary: Final thoughts on FFVII – Crisis Core.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 53

I keep thinking about margins.  That's where the effort happens.  That's where I should put my energy.  I can autopilot most of the time.  I have patterns of eating that keep me calm and more or less satisfied through the day.  But there's always a test, a period where the real choice lives.  Do I eat according to habit and more than I plan, or stick to my plan and stay hungrier than I'm used to?

I'll try to identify that period so it doesn't sneak up on me so much and work with it, work around it.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 52

I went over my calorie limit today, but it wasn't a binge.

I had a pizza for dinner.  I planned to eat two slices and refrigerate the rest, but ate four instead.

This is heartening to me.  It wasn't a terrible day.  What would today have looked like if it were good instead in terms of eating?  I would've taken two slices of pizza, put them onto my plate, and refrigerated the rest, and mentally been done. 

That's where I have to work.  At the margins.  Mostly, I'm in good shape.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 69: Honor Protected

 Summary: Wonderful ending to a solid game. Zack has a glorious final stand, protecting his honor the whole way. Cloud trudges onward to Final Fantasy VII (or perhaps Dirge of Cerberus? We’ll see in like a week!).

Coldrun Fitness - Day 51

Morning: I tend to have decently big breakfasts and lunches and very small dinners.  Going to experiment with a smaller breakfast, big lunch, a snack in the afternoon and a medium dinner.  Let's see how that goes.

---

Afternoon: I felt very hungry in the morning, between 9-11am, but it was definitely doable.  I'm writing this section around 4:30pm, with about 500+ calories available for dinner.  Going to have some pasta and frozen yogurt in a couple of hours.

---

Evening: Ended up having Spam and toast instead of pasta, but met my calorie limit and feeling pretty good.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 68: Silent Sacrifice

Summary: The end of Lazard and (maybe?) Genesis. The too rapid passage of time. Checking in with the Turks.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 50

End of week #7 weight: 258.6 lbs
---
End of week #6 weight: 256.4 lbs
End of week #5 weight: 260.0 lbs
End of week #4 weight: 262.0 lbs
End of week #3 weight: 262.4 lbs
End of week #2 weight: 265.0 lbs
End of week #1 weight: 268.2 lbs
Start of week #1 weight: 275.2 lbs

Coldrun Fitness - Day 49

I binged.  The last day and a half, really.  I feel ashamed and gross.

Not like those are all that helpful.  Well, feeling gross is a physical reaction.  I want to throw up and am nauseous.  The shame is less helpful.  I won't ignore it, but I won't dwell on it.

Shame tries to drive me astray, even now.  It makes me want to "atone," to eat nothing for the next two days as penance.  Penance to what?  I didn't harm anyone else.

I don't think I'm a bad person, most of the time.

As with previous binges on this journey, or moments I went off my calorie limit, I'll try to rebalance.  Get back to the middle.  2,400 calories a day, though I expect I may be less hungry over the next few days and eat less.  If not, 2,400 is okay too.

N.B. I'm posting this at the start of the day to incentivize myself to get back on the calorie-count plan after a rough day and a half.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 67: Gift of the Goddess

Summary: Genesis draws on the power of the goddess. He still falls.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 46

Kind of a tough-ish day.  I forgot the "drink lots of water" lesson and drank almost all soda.  Will try to fix that tomorrow.

Felt tempted to binge tonight on Chinese food specifically.  The other option, a microwave meal or a bowl of pasta, sounded unsatisfying.  So I compromised with myself.  I got Chinese, but didn't binge. 
My typical delivery Chinese food binge is egg drop soup, ten steamed dumplings, and a large platter of fried squid (listed in the menu as "for two").  Often finished off with ice cream. 

God, it feels super gross and embarrassing when I write it out like that.  But it is what it is.  That was the temptation.

Instead, I got wonton soup and an appetizer sized cup of barbecued pork.  It was actually really tasty, and I still feel a bit hungry.  That's a good sign generally.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 66: Cavern of Wonders

Summary: Did most of the Cavern of Wonders campaign. Touched a couple of other missions, but ultimately decided to move on to the final area.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 45

Found myself very hungry this morning.  If I have this cereal/milk/orange juice breakfast again, I think I might add a slice of buttered toast into the mix to make it more calorically comparable to a lunch or dinner meal

Coldrun Fitness - Day 44

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 65: Breath Before the Plunge

Summary: It’s almost over. Found the last Goddess materia and opened the way to Genesis (final boss it seems), but decided to work on some missions first.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 64: The Cage of Binding

 Summary: Navigating the twin prisons of Howling Fang and the Cage of Binding.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 63: The Way Opens

Summary: The path to the Goddess continues as Zack plumbs the Depths of Judgment.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 43

End of week #6 weight: 256.4 lbs
---
End of week #5 weight: 260.0 lbs
End of week #4 weight: 262.0 lbs
End of week #3 weight: 262.4 lbs
End of week #2 weight: 265.0 lbs
End of week #1 weight: 268.2 lbs
Start of week #1 weight: 275.2 lbs

Coldrun Fitness - Day 42

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 62: Secret Tunnel

Summary: Now THIS is more like it! A wonderfully fun, tense, and engaging session exploring the mysteries within the Depths of Judgment. The art’s great, the music’s great, the story is mysterious, there’s not a ton of combat bogging things down. Love it.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 41

Close call today.  As I was leaving work, I decided to quit my diet plan.  I'd binge today, go back on it tomorrow.  New "Mark Watches" videos came out (one of my binging triggers), I felt hungry coming home from work, and decided to stop by my favorite fried chicken joint, and take out the biggest combo they have.  Six chicken fingers, extra sauce (this wonderful tangy sauce), fries, Texas toast, cole slaw. 

I'd settled.  It was a done deal.  And then a weird thing happened: I kept driving.  I changed my mind.

It's very rare that I change my mind once I decide to binge.  I already commit to it mentally and can't pull back.  Cooked some pork chops at home instead. 

I'm sitting here at 9:30pm.  I'm hungry instead of bloated, proud instead of guilty, and I feel satisfied with this choice.  Small victories.

This wasn't a great week.  I binged one day, and came close a couple of times.  But whatever my weight is on Sunday - even if I didn't lose anything or even gained weight - I know it could've been worst.  That's not nothing.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 40

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 61: Unwelcome Encore

 Summary: “Can I get an encore?” Um. I guess. If you need to. “Do you want more?” I really don’t.

Short session of cleaning up some missions before progressing with the main story.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 39

Yesterday was a bad day.  A binge day where I started out okay and by the end stopped caring, eating mindlessly.

It's cyclical.  It's a pattern for me that's a constant struggle to break, this sense of not caring.  The part of the pattern that came on aftewards, last night, was just as predictable:

"Maybe this isn't working.  I'll never get this right."  "I know!  I'll make up for it.  Tomorrow through Sunday, I'll eat 1,500 calories max.  That'll undo yesterday."

I've been here before since I started this new attempt 39 days ago.  The solution isn't extreme.  I have to evaluate what happened, make small adjustments, and do better.

---

Part of it was that I didn't drink water.  Drank lots of diet/"zero" soda, which goes hand-in-hand with certain salty/sweet binges.  Today, I'll mix in soda with a lot more water.

Part of it was that I haven't kept up on cleaning my home.  My dishes are dirty and I can't prepare meals there.  I'll spend 30 minutes cleaning my apartment when I get home today.

Part of it was not wanting to self-monitor.  I'll enter food calories in this blog as I go today, back to the cap of 2,400.  To ensure this for today, I'll post this entry early and fill it in as I go.

Moving on.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 60: Pulling Weeds

Summary: Side missions. The forces of Genesis and Wutai just won’t go away. The keep sprouting, and Zack keeps slaying. Given the sheer quantity of murder Zack has committed against them, their persistence is almost admirable.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 37

Dangerous day for calories because I'm going to the MINNESOTA STATE FAIR TODAY WOOHOO!!!  There's animals, rides, and a crapload of calories on a stick.

I'll probably have some cheese curds, a corn dog, some chocolate milk.  No idea about calories, but I'll assume it's 1200 calories total.  (Similar to a big Chipotle lunch.)  Just gotta plan around that to stay within my 2,400 limit.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 59: Monster Mission Mash

Summary: Moderate multitude of monster missions. Made a minor modification to my method, making my missions more manageable.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 36

End of week #5 weight: 260.0 lbs
---
End of week #4 weight: 262.0 lbs
End of week #3 weight: 262.4 lbs
End of week #2 weight: 265.0 lbs
End of week #1 weight: 268.2 lbs
Start of week #1 weight: 275.2 lbs

Coldrun Fitness - Day 35

Tomorrow is my weekly weigh-in.  Two weeks ago was kind of an off week, with a couple of days way above my normal calorie limit.  I recovered and didn't end up gaining weight, but only lost about a half pound.

This week was much better.  Stuck almost entirely around my calorie limit.  The times I went above it were by no more than 100 calories, and I was usually below it.  I think I'll always be a little afraid that I'll have hit a limit of some kind, that I'll ALWAYS be [insert current weight].  That I'll have to eat super low calories amounts that I can't sustain to go any lower.

It's...

No.  I was going to say, "it's a silly fear," but I don't know that any fear is silly.  It may be unlikely to come true, or not harmful if it does come true, or unusual, but I won't invalidate it by calling it silly.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 58: One Thousand Three Hundred and Fifty

Summary: Zack, Cloud, and Lazard head to Banora, and Zack goes to the Depths of Judgment. Then I make the grave error of doing some side missions. It is easily the most tedious part of the entire Final Fantasy series. And I’ve played both FFII and FFIV: The After Years. 

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 57: Director Protector

 Summary: Zack doesn’t get to see his parents in Gongaga, but sees almost everyone else. Lazard, Genesis, Hollander, Cissnei… the gang’s all here! And some are in dire need of s-cells.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 34

Coldrun Fitness - Day 33

Coldrun Fitness - Day 32

Coldrun Fitness - Day 31

Spam is usually my morning meat of choice (if it can be classified as "meat"), but I got a package of bacon last week and have been trying to cook it.  Frying it has been okay but flipping/rotating it takes attentiveness I don't necessarily want to spare.

Today, instead of frying it, I baked it for 15 minutes at 400 degrees, and it came out great.  Perhaps a mite crispier than I like, but if I take it out at 12-13 minutes I think it'll be perfect.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 30

At the start of this fitness path 30 days ago, I was wearing only XXL shirts.  I had old XL shirts still, but they were impossible to wear.  Just too tight.  I can now wear XL shirts.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 56: Hunted

 Summary: Zack and Cloud flee towards Midgar. They’re pursued by Shinra, Genesis, and the Turks along the way. Cissnei [lol, wrote Cersei before I caught it while editing – Cissnei >>> Cersei] is awesome.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 55: Ronin

Summary: Zack and Cloud bust out of Shinra’s clutches in Nibelheim.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 29

End of week #4 weight: 262.0 lbs
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End of week #3 weight: 262.4 lbs
End of week #2 weight: 265.0 lbs
End of week #1 weight: 268.2 lbs
Start of week #1 weight: 275.2 lbs

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 54: Showdown

Summary: Zack takes on Sephiroth face-to-face at the Nibel Reactor. Sephiroth defeats him, but Cloud finishes the job in style.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 28

The day after not eating well, a new challenge presents itself: the temptation of "making up" for the lost day.  Of saying to myself, "Well, I'll just eat 1,500 calories and be back on track."  But that's a dangerous path.  It's a mentality of impatience and extremes that I'm fighting so hard again.

Instead, I'll stick to my plan.  2,500 calories max.  If I eat less, that's fine too, but my goal is consistency.  I believe it'll serve me best in the long term.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 53: From the Manor Torn

Summary: Zack, Cloud, and Tifa return from the reactor. Zack heads down into the bowels of Shinra Manor, briefly sees a mysterious man (ooOoOOOoOo) inside, and Sephiroth does his seven days of research into heel turning. The game also pisses me off with a mechanic it’s used before.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 27

A rough week overall that has been difficult to keep under control.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 26

Binged yesterday evening, and gave up on doing my "to-do" list for the last couple of days.  I can recover from it and get back on track today.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 24

Coldrun Fitness - Day 23

Ate slightly more than I intended to today, but not much more.  The midday snack of nuts/yogurt/raisins bag from the vending machine was unnecessary.  So probably was either the orange juice or frozen yogurt.  But did okay.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 52: Unstable Reaction

 Summary: Zack, Sephiroth, Tifa, and Cloud head up to the Mt. Nibel Reactor to check out what’s been going wrong there. Sephiroth learns the truth of his existence as a “monster” thanks to a surprise appearance by Genesis. He doesn’t take it well. Oh, and Cloud gets shot on the way out by a Genesis clone.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 51: The Seven Wonders: Four (Laughing Safe)

Summary: Easily one of my favorite parts of Crisis Core so far; perhaps even my outright favorite. IT’S SO MUCH FUN!! A pure puzzle section with atmosphere out the wazoo (that piano music!! ) as Zack uncovers the mystery of the laughing safe in the Shinra Mansion.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 22

End of week #3 weight: 262.4 lbs
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End of week #2 weight: 265.0 lbs
End of week #1 weight: 268.2 lbs
Start of week #1 weight: 275.2 lbs

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 50: The Seven Wonders: Two and Three

Summary: We solve the mystery of the next two Wonders – the “haunted” painting and Wonder Bomb. Crisis Core does a good job of scaring the crap out of me despite my early certainty in a mundane answer. Well-played, game.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 21

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 49: Casual Stroll to Nibelheim

 Summary: Zack finishes up business in Midgar before setting out on an iconic trip to Nibelheim alongside Cloud and Sephiroth. Hi, Tifa!

Coldrun Fitness - Day 20

Coldrun Fitness - Day 19

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 48: Open Cages

Summary: Zack putters around the Shinra Building, learning more about the rampant monster attacks at mako attacks the world round. Preparation for an upcoming mission with Sephiroth.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 18

Bad day.  Or rather, a bad few hours.  At the end of work, I had this very familiar feeling.  That I needed to eat, needed to do something, and needed to do it right now. 

Coldrun Fitness - Day 17

Coldrun Fitness - Day 16

Better day today than yesterday.  More organized, drank more water, and felt less driven by hunger.  Tried a new app today called "Errands" which seems like it'll really help me get organized.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 47: Do You Want to Build a Wagon?

 Summary: Zack finishes off the wagon and acts all cute with Aerith.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 15

End of week #2 weight: 265.0 lbs
---
End of week #1 weight: 268.2 lbs
Start of week #1 weight: 275.2 lbs

Coldrun Fitness - Day 14

Coldrun Fitness - Day 13

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 46: Scavenger Hunt

Summary: Zack starts to work on building the flower wagon for Aerith, with the help of the kid he helped earlier.

Final Fantasy Series - Update

Good morning!  Been overwhelmed by work and outside stuff recently, but should be back to the 5-6 posts/week pace for my Final Fantasy playthrough starting tonight.  Thanks for your patience!

In the meanwhile, enjoy this cockatiel singing the chocobo theme song:

Coldrun Fitness - Day 12

Coldrun Fitness - Day 11

Coldrun Fitness - Day 10

Last week I ate at Chipotle three times.  This week, I'm going to try keeping it to twice, just yesterday and today.  It's expensive, but also easier to overeat from there than other places.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 9

Today was a tougher day.  I notice that my hunger and my disorganization are closely related.  On days when I have my shit together, it's easy to eat well.  On days when I feel like I'm procrastinating or putting off a difficult task, hunger serves as a distraction and it's very difficult to eat well.

I didn't totally binge today, but ate more than I otherwise intended.  I spent time organizing myself for the week, which should help.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 45: Worst. Vacation. Ever.

Summary: I try to come to terms with some of the game’s repetitious elements at Costa del Sol. An awesome Sea Hulk fight saves the session from being a total loss.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 8

End of week #1 weight: 268.2 lbs
(Day 0 weight: 275.2 lbs)

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 44: Osmose Jones

Summary: Zack completes two campaigns – “Midgar City Development Department” and “Zack, the Treasure Hunter.” I come to grips with my long and troubled history with the spell Osmose. (Spoiler: it’s not that long or troubled.)

Coldrun Fitness - Day 7

Tomorrow's my first weigh-in day since I started.  Curious and excited.  Not nervous.  I feel good that I stuck with my plan of some walking, bodyweights, and most importantly ~2,500 cal max per day.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 43: Rock Bottom Remainders

 Summary: We take on some of Genesis’ forces, and then the remnants from Wutai remnants: the Crescent Unit. It’s like this undying hydra!
 

Coldrun Fitness - Day 6

A small moment today I'm happy about: at mid-afternoon, around 3:00pm, we had fresh bagels at work.  I was going to eat one as a snack, but decided not to.  Had dinner at home a few hours later and was good.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 5

Coldrun Fitness - Day 4

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 42: Friendly Neighborhood Copy

Summary: Zack heads back to the church, and an Angeal copy monster protects him and Aerith from an angry mech. (What a weird sentence to have to write.) Some missions clearing monsters around Midgar and Modeoheim.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 3

Coldrun Fitness - Day 2

Ate lots of Goldfish crackers at the end of the day.  Meant to only eat a little.  My mistake was eating from the bag.  Next time, I'll pour some into a small cup and put the bag away.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 41: Left in the Dust

 Summary: Zack chases down Hollander, fighting off mechs left and right. He and the Turks secure the city, but Hollander pulls a Zaheer and escapes.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 1

Week 0 morning weight: 275.2 lbs

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 40: A Short Rest

Summary: Zack takes a vacation, but shit gets real, and real quick, when Genesis clones attack. Zack and the Turks head to Junon to help against Genesis clones there and to secure Hollander.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 39: Bathed in Sorrow

Summary: Zack confronts Angeal and Hollander. Angeal goes super-Saiyan (but only physically; he seems to morally stay pretty sound). Zack is forced to kill him. Things move on.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 38: Modeoheim

Summary: Zack heads to the wintry beauty of Modeoheim. He moves through a rather expansive bathhouse, finding an Angeal-cloned monster.

On Trying: Year One of Coldrun Gaming

I started this blog over a year ago with two goals: play through the FF series unspoiled and lose weight.  The first goal has been a wondrous and joyful success in my opinion.  The series has been a blast - yes, even you, FF2!  Already playing an FFVII add-on WHAT THE HELL I'M SO FAR IN THE SERIES AND STILL HAVE SO MUCH TO GO WOOOO!!!

The second goal?  Not so strong. 

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 37: Genesis Falls

 Summary: Zack fails repeatedly to be stealthy. Eventually he reaches the mako excavation site, saves Hollander from an attacking Genesis, and kills Genesis. OR DOES HE? (Probably? I don’t know.)

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 36: Cloud Uncover

Summary: Zack gets dragged by Tseng back into the story at Modeoheim. Their helicopter crashes, and Zack, Tseng, and a certain spiky-haired infantryman move towards a mako excavation site.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 35: To Catch a Spy

Summary: Zack wanders around Midgar trying, helping Shinra catch spies from Wutai’s newly-formed Crescent Unit.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 34: Quadriceps of Steel

Summary: Zack hangs around the Shinra Building. I get a squatting mini game that’s more intense and fun than it has any right to be, and talk to some of the denizens of Sector 8.

Coldrun Fitness - 7/15/15

Finished both my goals today.

Coldrun Fitness - Half Success (7/14/15)

Succeeded in my two goals today, though really didn't want to do the exercise goal.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 33: Zack Tyson’s Punch-Out!!

Summary: Some various missions, and thoughts on the game’s cool combat system.

Coldrun Fitness - Calorie Count (7/13/15)

Weighed in for the first time in a while, and I'm at 273.4 lbs.  Not as bad as I was expecting to be honest.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 32: Weapons Development

Summary: Zack staves off Genesis’s attack on Hojo, then helps Shinra with some weapons development missions.

Coldrun Fitness - The Next Eight Weeks (7/12/15)

Today was a good day.

I haven't thought about fitness in a while.  I tend to bounce between massive extremes.  Not doing anything one week, and planning out some long and unrealistic path from now until my ideal body state.

Here's what I'm trying now, both in fitness and in other parts of my life:

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 31: Pallin’ with Hojo

 Summary: Zack moves through the Shinra Building to guard Hojo. Revisits an old/future location from FFVII. Plays around the laboratory a bit, kills some loose test subjects, gets some treasure.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 30: Date Night

Summary: Zack and Aerith spend time together. They’re interrupted when Genesis attacks the Shinra Building. Zack meets up with Angeal and Sephiroth.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 29: At the Market

Summary: Zack and Aerith spend some time together in Sector 5, mostly at the market. Zack gets his pocket picked and conned repeatedly, before helping out the thief.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 28: Yuffie’s Anonymous

Summary: A series of totally-not-at-all-related-and-100%-anonymous agents (a.k.a. Yuffie) contact Zack to get him to dig up treasure on “their” behalf. Zack’s actually in on the game this time, and helps Yuffie out anyway. Oh, and Zack dances with a chocobo.

FFV Four Job Fiesta - The End?

Things were going pretty well for my natural run of Knight, Mystic Knight, Geomancer, and Dancer. A bit squishy, but the Dancer could rip off a series of Sword Dances for massive damage (25% chance though) and the Geomancer in the right location could dominate.

And yet here I am. Giving up. Stuck at World 2's Exdeath.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 27: Electromagnetic Hell

Summary: Zack works on two mission campaigns here. First, starts helping Shinra develop ESP, and second helps them fight through random electromagnetic fields around the world for some reason.

Fitness Stuff - July 3, 2015

Haven't walked in a while.  Went for a 15 minute walk tonight while finishing an audio chapter of "Worm."

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 26: Satanic Ostriches from Planet X

 Summary: Forgettable campaign story, just Zack killing monsters to get stuff for Shinra, but very challenging mechanics. Lots of dying to lots of things. I fail repeatedly to complete the last mission in the campaign due to ostrich monsters who keep one-shotting me and I give up. Grr.
 

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 25: Five Saints

Summary: I finish off the “End the War with Wutai > Behind the Scenes” campaign. The last missions are mechanically nasty, and I take down the leadership: the Five Saints of Wutai.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 24: The Treasure Princess of Wutai

Summary: YUFFIE YUFFIE YUFFIE. In this session, a young Yuffie manipulates the shit out of Zack to steal some “treasure” from Shinra and it’s wonderful.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 23: Fill ‘Er Up

Summary: More missions recovering stuff for Shinra, and some thoughts on the side missions overall.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 22: Death Machines

Summary: Not as exciting a session as the title indicates. Did some missions hunting down Genesis’s and Wutai’s forces, and got to see the limit breaks for Aerith and Cissnei.

FFV Four Job Fiesta! - Embrace the Random

Played some at lunch today, and gotta say... Geomancer and Dancer aren't the most reliable classes, but when they hit, they hit HARD.

 Just fought Gilgamesh on King Xezat's fleet east of Exdeath's island, and ripped him apart. Lenna the Mystic Knight was using Drain to have her attacks keep herself alive. Faris's Geomancer kept nailing these Tsunamis, Big Waves, and Waterfalls for massive damage. And Galuf, poor dancing Galuf, got off a few astoundingly powerful Sword Dances. Just obliterated Gilgamesh.

 For Faris especially, a lot depends on the zone. Her Gaia attacks in forests are pretty mediocre, but in caves she dominates with Cave In for thousands of damage. For grinding in swamp areas, she often one-shot kills many monsters with a quicksand type deal.

Even if they're not the most reliable bunch, it's fun as hell when it works. :)

FFV Four Job Fiesta! - Dancing into Galuf's World

Got the final earth crystal: Dancer.  Ugh.

I mean, it's not AWFUL, but my line-up is now Knight, Mystic Knight, Geomancer, and Dancer.  And given that it's a #natural run, there's no job mixing.  Faris is just a Geomancer, Galuf is just a Dancer, etc.  There's no healing, and two of the jobs (geo/dan) are heavily randomized.

Well.  It'll certainly be a unique play for me. :)

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 21: Flower Girl

Summary: Aerith and Cactuars and everything’s awesome.

FFV Four Job Fiesta! - Wind, Water, Fire

Got rolling on the fiesta.  I've made it up through Castle Karnak, and am only posting now because this was my first real challenge: the Living Flame boss of Karnak.  (I'm playing this on my iPhone, so no screenshots - unless y'all know of a way to take screenshots on an iPhone?)

GilgaBot gave me some strong jobs so far in my natural run, but a dearth of healing.

Wind (Bartz): Knight
Water (Lenna): Mystic Knight
Fire (Faris): Geomancer
Earth (Galuf): Not yet there.  He's still freelancing.

This is only my second playthrough of FFV, so I am far from knowing all the tricks and gimmicks to make this an easy run.  I've mostly stuck to getting to a new town, grinding up until I can buy all the magic and armor and weapons I need from the town, and then continuing through the story.

First part of the game has been smooth sailing (no pun intended, Faris) so far.  The Siren was a bit tricky, but not TOO bad.  The forests around Karnak with packs of wolves were nice for gil grinding.  Potion healing is... not great, and the controls on iPhone are not great either, but passable.

Living Flame nearly killed me because I wasn't keeping everyone topped up with potions, but eventually ran her out of mana and won in a battle of attrition.  Escaped the castle, tweeted at Gilgabot, and got my next job.

@Coldrun_MN can now use the Fire Job 'Geomancer'. YES! NO MORE TILE DAMAGE!!!!

— FF5ForFutures (@FF5ForFutures) June 26, 2015

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 20: On the Head of a Pin

Summary: A long session, but felt awkward to cut it. Zack and Cissnei team up. Then Zack and Sephiroth team up at Mako Reactor 5 to pursue Angeal and Genesis. Some backstory throughout about Project Genesis. All parties, and the scientist Hollander meet. Many wings fly free.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 19: Mech Mutiny

Summary: Genesis’s forces assault the Shinra Building, turning the mechs guarding the place against Shinra somehow. Zack encounters the Turks we know, plus a new one (hard as it is to believe, the first female character in Crisis Core): Cissnei.

FFV Four Job Fiesta! - Introduction

The Final Fantasy V Four Job Fiesta is underway!  I'll be trying my hand at a natural run.  More on what the hell I'm talking about inside. :)

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 18: The Student Becomes the Master

Summary: One of the best mission campaigns I’ve encountered. Challenging, funny, and strangely inspirational and touching. Zack mentors a new SOLDIER Third Class having a hard time adjusting.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 17: Get Back, Hojo

Summary: The war in Wutai has ended. Zack gets promoted to SOLDIER First Class, but seems grumpier than usual. He goes through some tests with the horrifying Hojo. I dip my toe into the mechanic of Materia Fusion.

Fitness Stuff - 6/18/15

Ate dinner in today.  It was a microwaved meal with some cheez-its, but a step up from the mindlessness beforehand.

Went for a walk, about 1.70 miles in 35:50.

More tomorrow.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 16: Flare-Up

Summary: Months later, the war with Wutai is over. No sign of Angeal or Genesis. Zack does some missions, clearing out Genesis’s troops and tracking down the Bahamut and Odin materia.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 15: Monsters

Summary: SO MUCH SHIT WENT DOWN. Genesis appears as a poetry-citing powerhouse, Angeal seems to have switched sides, Shinra bombs Banora to dust, and all this is confusing as hell because we’re on Team Evil so our bad guys are really the good guys unless they aren’t.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 14: Save a Genesis

Summary: Zack and Tseng head to Banora to find out what’s up with Genesis. It’s his and Angeal’s hometown, and has been overtaken by Genesis’ clones. Zack’s true identity as a bouncy puppy is known by all and it’s wonderful.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 13: In Da Club

Summary: Zack follows-up on some missions and joins some SOLDIER-related fan clubs.

Hiatus

On vacation visiting family this week.  Back next Monday with more "Crisis Core" - see you then! :)

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 12: Stoned

[Quick note: I'll be on vacation from Wednesday through Sunday, so probably just a couple of posts this week today and Tuesday.]

Summary: Zack heads back to explore the Shinra building briefly, and completes a series of missions for Mako stat boost stones.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 11: Tonberry Fields Forever

Summary: I complete the Tonberry Quests. Have to fight through SO MANY TONBERRIES. The story itself is a let-down, and the Tonberries become more standard tough monsters than the brutally punishing pain-machines from earlier in the series, but the mechanics are active and engaging. The Master Tonberry goes down and joins my DMW.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 10: Tonberry Crossing

Summary: Some more general monster and item hunting, but Zack kills a wandering Tonberry and unlocks an awesome-sounding quest line.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 9: Zack, Getter of Stuff

Summary: Not the most thrilling session. Only a quick stop in Hojo’s Laboratory before hunting down some materia and items on Shinra’s behalf for... reasons? I guess killing monsters and getting loot is part of the corporate agenda.

Fitness Stuff - June 3, 2015

Morning weight: 271.2

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 8: Office Rivalry

Summary: Nothing doing at the Sector 1 Station, so onto the next mission series. SOLDIER undergoes a series of escalating challenges from Shinra’s security forces.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 7: Out on the Town

Summary: Completed the challenging “Pursue the Remnants” sub-campaign. Then Zack heads out to explore Midgar’s Sector 8.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 6: Remnants of Wutai

Summary: Sephiroth saves Zack, and Angeal disappears. A month later, Tseng shows up to join Zack on a mission to Genesis (the missing First’s) hometown, but I get sidetracked by a barrage of new missions first to clean up the remaining Tamblin forces.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 5: Attack on Tamblin

Summary: Zack attacks Wutai’s Fort Tamblin, meeting kid!Yuffie along the way. The action, combat, and mission system blows me away. This is so much fun.

Fitness Stuff - May 30, 2015

Morning weight: 268.8 lbs

Status: complete.

Not a good day.  Not a terrible day, just... not great.

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 4: On the Tamblin Trail

Summary: A training mission, and then road trip! Zack, Angeal, and Lazard head to Wutai.

Blizzard - WoW Garrison Pet Dailies

This is a little bit of a weird side thing for this site, but I dabble in WoW!  (Azab, human mage on Aerie Peak.)  Also Hearthstone, and even a bit of Diablo 3.  From time to time on this site I'll write a bit about what's going on there.

One of the things I especially enjoy in WoW is pet battles.  This post'll cover how I take down some of the garrison daily pet battle challenges.  I'll continually update this as a personal reference when I discover a new daily challenge, team, or tactic.

Fitness Stuff - May 29, 2015

Morning weight: 269.4 lbs

Day status: complete

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 3: Shinra Academy, Pt. 2

Summary: The rest of the tutorial. The materia system, more about the OMW - ahem, DMW – system, leveling, shopping, missions.

Fitness Stuff - May 28, 2015

Morning weight: 269.4 lbs

Day status: complete

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 2: Shinra Academy, Pt. 1

Summary: Not a terribly exciting session to read about, but a fun one to play and an important one. I try processing some of the onslaught of tutorials the game provides. (I probably get some of this wrong, but that's okay. Muddling through this stuff is half the fun of a new game!

Fitness Stuff - May 27, 2015

Day's Status: Complete

I've run into a problem recently of writing my food and exercise as I go during the day, binging in the evening, and out of shame deleting the post altogether.

This only reinforces the unhealthy ties between food and shame, food and self-worth.  I want to avoid this, so I'm going to publish this post early for the next few days and just update it as the day goes on.  By the end of the day it should be complete, and once I've posted it I'm less likely to delete it than just updating a private draft.

Fitness Stuff - May 25, 2015

Morning weight: 269.4 lbs

FFVII Crisis Core – Part 1: Systems Online

Summary: It begins! An electric and energetic introduction to Zack, SOLDIER Second Class. My most basic expectations get subverted as I see Crisis Core’s action stylings, and my brain gets toyed with by a virtual reality training session.

NOTE: I feel and express large amounts of confusion about the mechanics here, but am NOT yet asking for spoilers/tips on how they work. I may come up with more specific and non-rhetorical questions as I learn more (and I’ll usually say when they’re non-rhetorical), but part of the fun of a new game is grappling with the mechanics myself. I also imagine I’ll get to a tutorial soon enough. Thank you. :)

FFVII – Novellas, Part II (Addendum)

One I missed!

FFVII – Novellas, Part II

Summary: The remaining three FFVII novellas, “On the Way to a Smile.” Barret, Yuffie, Denzel, Shinra.

Fitness Stuff - May 24, 2015

Morning weight: didn't check.

This last week and a half really I'd been binging.  Let's try something else today.  I cleaned some dishes and have some groceries.

FFVII – Novellas, Part I

Summary: Some of y’all (I think it was CJWriterGal first, but apologies if my memory’s off!) directed me towards seven FFVII novellas/short stories out there. So I read them, and here are some brief reactions to the first four: Aerith, Tifa, Nanaki, and Barret.

FFVII Advent Children - Liveblog this Sunday! (11:00am Central)

Liveblog for the complete version of the "Advent Children" movie this Sunday, May 24th, at 11:00am Central time.  The thread for the liveblog is currently set-up on Mark Spoils.

All are welcome to join in, watch, and post.  I know pretty much nothing about the movie aside from that it's generally about the FFVII plot and universe somehow, and Cloud and Sephiroth are in it, so NO SPOILERS is still in effect.  My posts for FFVII: Crisis Core begin next week.

Hope to see you Sunday!

Fitness Stuff - May 20, 2015

Morning weight: 266.8 lbs

FFVII – Part 74: Gettin’ Offa This Train

Summary: Some brief parting thoughts on Final Fantasy VII.

(Also, poll on "Advent Children" liveblog time this weekend!! http://strawpoll.me/4405269

Fitness Stuff - May 19, 2015

Morning weight: 266.8 lbs

Fitness Stuff - May 18, 2015

Morning weight: 267.6 lbs

FFVII – Part 73: Surge of the Lifestream

Summary: Cloud faces off against Sephiroth one last time. One word: “Omnislash.” The Meteor plows into Midgar. Holy does its best to hold off the Meteor to a destructive stalemate before the Lifestream finishes the job. Aeris. OH YEAH, NANAKI PUPPIES!

FFVII - Brief post and poll on what comes next

I'll post my final game segment tonight, and then some final thoughts on the game Tuesday or Wednesday.

Here's a poll on what I should do next: http://strawpoll.me/4390467

I'll check results through Tuesday evening.

If the "Advent Children" movie wins, I'll post a follow-up poll for when I should do the liveblog on markspoils.com.  Feel free to jump in!! The more the merrier. :D  (It'll probably be this Saturday or Sunday, midday U.S. time.)

If Dirge of Cerberus or Crisis Core wins, I'll start it next week.

Fitness Stuff - May 16, 2015

Morning weight: 266.8 lbs

FFVII – Part 72: Nothing is Safe

Summary: We push back through the North Cave, back past Jenova. Both form of Sephiroth go down this time. GOT HIM! …or did we?

Fitness Stuff - May 15, 2015

Morning weight: 267.4 lbs

FFVII – Part 71: Heartless Angel

Summary: First crack at Sephiroth. It… doesn’t go well. I’m slow on the uptake and confused about the mechanics, and then his second form, the angelic octopus, kills me.

Fitness Stuff - May 14, 2015

Morning weight: 266.6 lbs

FFVII – Part 70: Jenova

Summary: We fight through a merciless gauntlet of Iron Men, defeat Jenova, and reach Sephiroth.

Fitness Stuff - May 13, 2015

Morning weight: 265.8 lbs

FFVII – Part 69: Spelunking

Summary: The party leaves the Highwind for the North Cave. The path to Sephiroth and Jenova, who we STILL KNOW JACK ABOUT WHO ARE YOU JENOVA. The terrifying Tonberry. The party splits.

Fitness Stuff - May 12, 2015

Morning weight: 267.2 lbs

FFVII – Part 68: Why We Fight

Summary: Up the Mako Cannon, and the ultimate death of the horrifying Hojo. The party enjoys a final night before the plunge, reminding themselves why they’re really fighting Sephiroth. My Tifa/Cloud ship is cruising.

Fitness Stuff - May 11, 2015

Morning weight: 266.4 lbs

FFVII – Part 67: Gods and Clods

Summary: We face the daunting Ultimate Weapon a few times, but lose track of her. The party then returns to Midgar. First through the sewers, then emerging to take down Gya-ha-ha and Kya-ha-ha… ahem, Heidegger and Scarlet – in the bizarrely named Proud Clod.

Fitness Stuff - May 10, 2015

Morning weight: 267.4 lbs

Fitness Stuff - May 9, 2015

Morning weight: 268.6 lbs

Fitness Stuff - May 8, 2015

Morning weight: 269.4 lbs

FFVII – Part 66: Diamonds and Rust

Summary: Diamond Weapon attacks. We stall it, and Shinra delivers a killing blow to both the Weapon and Sephiroth’s bubble. Cait Sith is revealed. Hojo works to destroy Sephiroth at the cost of Midgar, and at the behest of a party suspected but unknown. We’re off to save the city.

Fitness Stuff - May 7, 2015

Morning weight: 268.8 lbs

FFVII – Part 65: Pieces of You

Summary: The key unlocks a mechanism that reveals Aeris’s purpose in the Forgotten City. We leave for Midgar, but then a new Weapon emerges and marches towards the city.

Fitness Stuff - May 6, 2015

Morning weight: 269.6 lbs

FFVII – Part 64: Lost at Sea

Summary: A heaping helping of frustration as I search for the key. Many dead ends, but the search ultimately bears fruit.

Fitness Stuff - May 5, 2015

Morning weight: 269.0 lbs

FFVII – Part 63: Where the Sun Don’t Shine

Summary: A bit of world exploration to start, then a visit with Bugenhagen to the Forgotten Capital. Our next mission is to find White Materia. I need to find a key somewhere underground, where the sun doesn’t shine. The search doesn’t start well.

Fitness Stuff - May 4, 2015

Morning weight: 267.8 lbs

FFVII – Part 62: End Still Nigh

Summary: The rocket’s mission to destroy the meteor fails. The party escapes safely, thanks to Shera. We land safely back on the Planet and consult with Bugenhagen in Cosmo on our next steps.

FFVII – Part 61: Blast Off!

Summary: Finishing Wutai. Then the party arrives at Rocket Town, fights their way past Rude through the active rocket, and gets caught up in the launch. Cid's still (mostly) a dick.

Fitness Stuff - May 3, 2015

Morning weight: 268.8 lbs

Fitness Stuff - May 2, 2015

Morning weight: 268.8 lbs

FFVII – Part 60: And I Am a Materia Girl

Summary: Yuffie goes through a series of tests in the Pagoda, ultimately having to fight her father. Then everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.

Fitness Stuff - May 1, 2015

Morning weight: 269.6 lbs

Fitness Stuff - April 30, 2015

Morning weight: 271.4 lbs

FFVII – Part 59: Reno 911

Summary: The felt the need to bring back Don Corneo for reasons passing understanding. He temporarily kidnaps both Elena and Yuffie. Our party helps them out, but it’s Reno and Rude who ultimately save the day. Not my favorite section, mostly because I don't like seeing Elena or Yuffie in this role.

TW: Rape, sexual assault.

Fitness Stuff - April 29, 2015

Morning weight: 272.2 lbs

Fitness Stuff - April 28, 2015

Morning weight: 271.8 lbs

FFVII – Part 58: Avalanche Runs Through the City

Summary: The party travels to Wutai. Yuffie, to what probably shouldn’t have been my surprise, steals all our material. Barret, Nanaki, and Cloud pursue her through Wutai. They are… unsuccessful.

Fitness Stuff - April 27, 2015

Morning weight: 271.0 lbs

FFVII – Part 57: The Huffy Yuffie

Summary: We get one Huge Materia, lost another, and win our very own submarine. We get obliterated by Emerald Weapon. And the best of all things, we get Yuffie.

Fitness Stuff - April 26, 2015

Morning weight: 272.4 lbs

FFVII – Part 56: Under the Sea

Summary: Back to the real world. The party heads to Junon, makes our way to the underwater reactor, and chases the Huge Materia onto a departing submarine.

Fitness Stuff - April 25, 2015

Morning weight: 272.4

Fitness Stuff - April 24, 2015

Morning weight: 275.8

I'll post my weight most mornings.  Simultaneously, I'll mentally discount it as much as possible.  Day to day it'll fluctuate a lot, and only if I see little change after a week or so will I start to pay it more mind.

Fitness Stuff - April 23, 2015

Morning weight: 274.4 lbs

FFVII – Part 55: Both Sides Now

Summary: We learn the truth of who Cloud is, and what really happened five years ago in Nibelheim. This is so cool.

Fitness Stuff - April 22, 2015

Morning weight: 275.4 lbs

Throwing in the towel regarding "Nerd Fitness Academy."  Long post today, including today's food and exercise notes and my plan going forward.

FFVII – Part 54: Kids

Summary: Our trip through Cloud’s memories continues to time he spent with Tifa as a kid. This is great.

FFVII – Part 53: A Cloud Divided

Summary: Yo dog, I heard you like Clouds. So I put some Clouds in your Cloud so you can question the foundations of all that you think you know while you question the foundations of all that you think you know.

FFVII – Part 52: RTS in my RPG

Summary: We backtrack to Fort Condor, where we fight off Shinra’s attacking forces in an RTS-style mini-game. Huge Materia acquired. One to go.

FFVII – Part 51: Hop a Train

Summary: Cait Sith tells of Shinra’s plan to destroy the meteor. We’re apparently against it because we value Shinra’s downfall more than the survival of the planet, so move to stop them from taking Huge Materia from the Corel Reactor. SEPHIROTH, MY LIFE FOR YOU! (Though more likely, we just don’t trust Shinra.)

FFVII – Part 50: Stuck in the Mideel with You

Summary: Our search for Cloud takes us around the world. We find him in the southern village of Mideel, suffering from Mako-sickness and memory loss from his trip through the lifestream.

Fitness - Week 1, Day 4

Better day, with less eating off plan.  I also experimented

FFVII – Part 49: Weapon, Horror of the Deep!

Summary: Our party survives from Shinra’s clutches in Junon through a daring air escape. Blah blah blah. Whatever. What’s more important is that the series continues to fulfill my need to see giant monsters. Especially giant sea monsters. WEAPON ATTACKS!

Fitness - Week 1, Day 3

Morning weight: 272.6 lbs
Total change: -2.0 lbs

FFVII – Part 48: Fire in the Sky

Summary: We see hints at Tifa’s perspective on meeting Cloud. This is a bit after the whole Godzilla (“Weapon”) awakening. Barret and Tifa are in the Shinra Building, marching to execution. Because Shinra.

Fitness - Week 1, Day 2

Some small successes and experiments in cooking coupled with going mindlessly off-plan.

FFVII – Part 47: Total Recall

Summary: Cloud’s true identity emerges at last. He gets Sephiroth – erm, the real Sephiroth – the Black Materia. Mecha-Godzilla appears.

Fitness - Week 1, Day 1: Routine Restart

Last post was getting a bit long, so posting my food and exercise today here. 

Fitness - Week 1, Day 1: Back on the Horse

Week 1 Starting Weight: 274.6 lbs



I've just paid pretty much zero attention to fitness recently.  Tons of binging, and I'm nearly 275 pounds.

My long-term path and first week's meal plan inside.

FFVII – Part 46: Shattered Memories

Summary: Sephiroth. He takes us down on a trip down memory lane, but with key players altered. Tifa may know more than she’s saying.

FFVII – Part 45: Reunion-Bound

Summary: The party explores atop Gaea’s Cliff. We’re on the way to Sephiroth, but Team Shinra is near. When we fine Sephiroth, he morphs into Jenova-DEATH for reasons I still don’t get. Something about Jenova’s cells.

FFVII – Part 44: Touching the Void

Summary: Our party treks through the snowy north, across the Great Glacier and up Gaea’s Cliffs.

FFVII – Part 43: Pizza, French Fry

Summary: A quieter session than last time. We pursue Sephiroth to a quiet mountain town. Elena catches up with us. We snowboard down the mountain, and pizza when we should have French fried. Over and over and over.

FFVII – Part 42: Dead Flowers

Summary: fuck everything

FFVII – Part 41: The Empty City

Summary: The party finds its way through the Sleeping Forest and to the hauntingly beautiful Forgotten Capital. Its watery theme and emptiness makes me fear we stumbled into R’lyeh and that Sephiroth really wants to raise Cthulhu.

FFVII – Part 40: The Manchurian Candidate

Summary: Cait Sith sacrifices either a stuffed toy or an innocent cat (still not sure which) to get us the Black Materia. Which we lose like two seconds later as Sephiroth draws on some connection with Cloud to force him to give it up. Aeris goes to confront him, and the rest of the party follows.

FFVII – Part 39: Temple with a Clock in its Walls

Summary: We work our way around the clock face. Good loot and cool monsters all around. Then the mural room, where we meet Sephiroth and learn more about his plan to ascend to power. Ominously enough, no Jenova sightings.

FFVII – Part 38: Ascending and Descending

TW: centipedes

Summary: The beginning of the Temple of the Ancients. We meet a dying Tseng, navigate some Escher-esque settings, and get hints at Sephiroth’s goals.

Nerd Fitness Academy - Hard Reset

Terrible recent weeks.  Full update tomorrow, but wanted to post this now as a personal reminder and encouragement to take action tomorrow.  Multiple updates through the day likely.

Rift Week #1: Let's Roll

Where I use random.org to roll my new Rift character.

FFVII – Part 37: Cat’s Paw

Summary The S.S. Tifa/Cloud gains speed and power. I freak out to learn that I misjudged a party member about as badly as its possible to misjudge a party member, and we lose the keystone.

New MMO Project - Rift

The FF playthrough is going well, and I love this series.  But at my heart, I'm an MMO player.  I have been since picking up EverQuest when it released.  Swapped from there to World of Warcraft, and dabbled in different MMOs since then.  This genre strikes a chord with me; it excites me in a way that other genres don't.

So!  The FF playthrough will continue at its current pace, but I'm adding a new weekly post/project to this site.

FFVII – Part 36: Keystone State of Mind

Summary: We travel the world in search of the keystone to access the Temple of the Ancients. Success – we get it from Dio at the Golden Saucer.

FFVII – Part 35: The Mountains Win Again

Summary: We wander through the beautiful and frustrating surroundings of Wutai, making little to no progress.

FFVII – Part 34: Rocket Man

 Summary: Rocket Town, where dwell the noble Shera and fucking Cid. We learn about Shinra’s old space program. Rufus comes to town for Cid’s plan to follow Sephiroth across the ocean. We get to it first.

FFVII – Part 33: Coming ‘Round the Mountain

Summary: Bit of an anti-climactic session here. We explore Mt. Nibel, getting some experience and materia. We stop by the Nibel Reactor, but nobody’s home.

FFVII – Part 32: Keep it Secret, Keep it Safe

Summary: The Mansion of Nibelheim, revisited. We solve the clues Sephiroth left us and crack a safe that might have been better left uncracked. The party finally catches up with Sephiroth, though he flies away to prepare for the mysterious Reunion.

Fitness - Day 37: The Lost Woods, First Afternoon

Morning weight: 270.2 lbs
Total change: -1.2 lbs

Next stop through these woods: lunch.

Fitness - Day 36: The Lost Woods, First Evening

 Breakfast and dinner today at home.

Fitness - Day 35: The Lost Woods, First Morning

I'm not a Zelda fanatic, but I enjoyed the original Legend of Zelda on NES and Ocarina of Time on N64.  Each of those had a "Lost Woods" zone.  If you walked randomly, you'd return to the same screen over and over.  There was a particular pattern to get out.  North, west, south, west, and you got through.

My pre-Nerd Fitness Academy attempts to get healthy felt like this.  Kept wandering, trying out new things, and ending up in the same place.  NFA has given me hope that there's a way out.  And even though I took a wrong turn, I feel like I have a pattern to find my way back.

Screen by screen.  Start with the morning.

FFVII – Part 31: History Rewritten

Summary: Our party retraces the steps of Nanaki’s courageous father through Cave of the Gi. Nanaki stays with us. We leave Cosmo Canyon and arrive at the town of Nibelheim, overrun by actors and clones. The search for Sephiroth may be nearing its end.