Very moderate goals this week. Tracking my food and thinking about why I'm doing this.
tw: fatphobia, weight
Been thinking recently: why am I doing this? Unfortunately, the answer is shame. I'm always ashamed to be in public. I hate my physical presence. I know this is the easy way out - the harder way out is likely to confront both society's and my own personal fatphobia - but this is the route I'm taking for now.
I want to feel proud as a physical body. Unashamed to connect with family, friends, colleagues, and potential partners. Even at my age, in my late 30s.
My goal for this week: track what I eat, whether healthy or unhealthy, moderate or bingy, and try to walk a little each day.
Tuesday
- Food Log
- Leftover vermicelli salad w/pork.
- More peanuts than I should have eaten. About 400 calories worth maybe?
- Grilled cheese with bacon and some chips.
- Half bottled frappuccino.
- Chicken tenders with honey mustard. Mashed potatoes with gravy. Mixed fruit.
- Walk: 20 minutes, finished chapter 2 of "Rosemary & Rue."
- Food Log
- English muffin with half butter, half cream cheese. Small glass of fruit juice.
- Chipotle steak bowl with white rice, guacamole, cheese, salsa.
- Steak hoagie with pepper, onion.
- Two egg cheese omelet, buttered English muffin, chocolate milk.
- Brief walk, just 10 minutes before realizing I was super underdressed.
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Thursday
I overate today, but my goal this week is to at least track even my worst days. This is my first step in 2021. Track what I'm doing honestly. Try to detach shame from it. I won't be able to progress otherwise.
- Food Log
- Buttered English muffin with fruit juice.
- Five chicken tenders, two biscuits, mashed potatoes with gravy.
- Steak and rice bowl with cheese and guacamole.
- Chicken sandwich with fries, a shake.
- Walk: 20 minutes, chapter 3 of "Rosemary & Rue."
