Buckle in. Long post today.
All this time, deceiving myself. The deceit was the comforting illusion that everything was fine, that I just had a couple of off-days. It's time to admit that's not true. The momentum built last year is gone.
Good. Well... not good that it's gone. Good that I'm admitting it now. I've been here before, and had the choice to keep trying to keep to an old calorie count or adapt. The former way has me treading water, and hiding in fear and shame when I fail to meet my goal. [See: not posting logs this month when I went over my cap.]
Calorie counting still worked for me, but I've been failing to meet 2,300 that it's not worthwhile to keep that as a goal at the moment. I'm also not going to worry about specific weight for now. My new goal to get back on track towards 190 lbs is to regain momentum.
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How?
My surest trigger for binge-eating is an all-or-nothing mentality. My new strategy to get on track is to counter this with achievable and progressing goals, based on where I AM, not on where I WISH I WERE.
Recently, I've binged without tracking. First step is to fight that.
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Stage #0: Eat without any calorie limit and without tracking.
Stage #1: Track what I eat, regardless of calories for one day.
Stage #2: Eat 2,600 calories per day max for two days in a row.
Stage #3: Eat 2,500 calories per day max for four days in a row.
Stage #4: Eat 2,400 calories per day max for five days out of a seven day period, not exceeding 2,900 calories on the other two days.
Stage #5: Eat 2,300 calories per day max for five days out of a seven day period, not exceeding 2,800 calories on the other two days.
Stage #6 [ongoing]: Eat 2,300 calories per day, including a caloric credit/debt system to allow flexibility.
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When I complete a stage, I celebrate (WOOHOO!) and move to the next one. When I fail a stage, I'll try not to be hard on myself, move to the prior stage, and set an easier goal. One more thing: I won't weigh-in for a while. Not until I complete the first cycle of stage #6. It'll be my reward.
Today, I ate without a calorie limit, but kept track. It's a start, I guess.
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I lied just then. It's not just a start. I feel settled in a way I haven't in weeks. I see an honest way forward.
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Diet
- Two Eggo waffles with light maple syrup. (300 cal)
- Chipotle burrito bowl with white rice, half chicken/half steak, vegetables, tomato, cheese, guacamole, some corn. (1,050 cal)
- 12 oz. skim hot chocolate with whipped cream. (270 cal)
- Large Hershey's cookies n cream bar. (370 cal)
- Mini chicken corn dogs. (400 cal)
- Bottled mocha frappuccino. (180 cal)
- Cheese popcorn. (850 cal)
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Exercise
Walked 2.5 miles in 50 minutes.
