The Road to Aht Urhgan
-In my last session, I picked up all the items I need for the Aht Urhgan boarding pass. Time to turn them in.
-I head back to the Tenshodo guy, Faursel. He accepts the items, but… what kind of shenaniganry is this? Says I should come back tomorrow to pick up the boarding pass. Ok.
-I came back at the end of this session and he gave me the boarding permit. Dunno what the point of the delay was.
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Mission: Welcome! To My Decrepit Domicile (A Moogle Kupo d’Etat)
-So I have to get mining for the first time. I head back to Bastok, pick up some pickaxes, and head to the Zeruhn Mines.
-A while later, I have the “sturdy metal strip.” I return it to the handymoogle in Jeuno.
“Now all it’ll take is a tippity-tap here, a nudgety-nudge there, and…”
-That helps, but now I need to get a “piece of rugged tree bark” from logging to fix the roof.
-I head to the tree-laden Ghelsba Outpost, and a bit later get the item. Back to Jeuno.
-The handymoogle is just as delighted to see me as before. SHE’S SO CUTE.
-She fixes it, and it sounds like that’s it. She’s really upset that the mog house is in such disrepair. She’ll talk to “Dom Kupeliaure” about getting this place renovated.
-OMG THERE’S A MOOGLE KING KUPOFRIED IN FFXI I NEED TO MEET HIM ASAP
[Later edit: I’ll bet this is where the “kupo d’etat” comes in – probably some larger plot going on here to dethrone King Kupofried.]
-Oops, nm. There’s one more thing I need a “savory lamb roast.” Uh. Why do I need a lamb roast to help repair the roof?
HANDYMOOGLE: “Why, of course it’s required for the repairs! Whatever are you insinuating, kupo!?” You totally just want some dinner.
“I wouldn’t dream of roasting it medium-rare, glazed with a delectable dragonfruit-and-rolanberry sauce, and serving it on a romantic candlelit dinner date with my darling Kupiruru! That’s the farthest thing from my innocent moogle mind!
“Please, Master! You’re the only one who can save my romantic prospects – I mean, this dilaptidated dwelling, kupo!”
I GOT YOU HANDYMOOGLE. Don’t even worry about it. I’ll be your ultimate wingman.
-I have no earthly idea what to do. My initial idea is to kill a sheep and cook it somehow, but I doubt that’s it.
-Looked it up. Apparently, there’s a gathering tradeskill called “harvesting.” I head to Giddeus, and eventually find a grassy node where after many attempts I harvest a savory lamb roast.
Sure. Just took my sickle, cut the grass, and eventually harvested a lamb roast. Ok then.
(This falls into the category of “things I would have never in a million years managed to solve on my own.”)
-Back to the dilapidated moogle house in Jeuno.
-The handymoogle finishes up her repairs, and… a letter appears! It must be a reply from that call she put out to her boss, Dom Kupeliaure.
-THE BOSS IS AN ASSHOLE!! He tells my handymoogle that she’s being too greedy and demanding, asking her to pack her bags and leave.
“Down’t lett tha squeeky dore hit yoo in yore behynd on tha way owt.
-Kupeliaure
p.s. to that bungleing moogle attendunt – YOR FYRED.”
-What’s weird apparently is that the boss isn’t usually like this. He’s usually a friendly and nice fellow. My handymoogle thinks something is wrong. Also the boss usually has better grammar and spelling.
Oh shit there’s a note at the bottom of the letter:
“Be warned, ye laggard loafers most perverse…
This envelope has been ensorcelled with a fearsome curse!
Breaking the seal will release malicious spirits into the air,
So do be wary, and handle with care!
O-hohohoho!”
-HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS MOOGLE HOUSE HAS TURNED INTO A NIGHTMARE
-AND THE HANDYMOOGLE IS TRAPPED IN HERE
JESUS
-She notices a hidden message on the letter. An advertisement for Professor Shantotto’s one-stop curse removal shop.
-Fucking Shantotto. Yes, she’s super huggable, but this is totally her doing, right? Causing a problem and then advertising herself as the solution. Not to mention that the rhyming in the letter is totally her style.
The handymoogle thinks along similar lines, but doesn’t see any choice beyond heading to Windurst to Doctor Shantotto.
HANDYMOOGLE: “You wouldn’t consign your bestest bat-winged buddy to such a forlorn fate, would you? …Would you, Master!?”
Not in a million years, buddy. I got you.
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Mission: Curses! A Horrifically Harrowing Hex (A Moogle Kupo d’Etat)
-I head to Windurst to see Doctor Shantotto.
-She says she can help fix this. I just need one particular reagent: a ripe starfruit.
“Yes, a ripe starfruit will be needed, methinks,
In order to root out this baleful jinx.”
-Yet, again, I have literally no clue where to find a ripe starfruit and no hint given in game… oh, never mind! I talk to her again, and she tells me.
“In Outer Horutoto, my ripe starfruit lies.
Concealed in a very special Cardian – so keep peeled your eyes!”
I know where Outer Horutoto is. I’m off there.
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Mission: An Errand! The Professor’s Price (A Moogle Kupo d’Etat)
-I head over to the Horutoto Ruins. It’s a fairly small dungeon, filled with Cardians.
-Now, before I got here, I assumed a “Cardian” was a special type of box. Not so. A Cardian is the kind of Tarutaru-made automaton that is named based on card. “Two of Swords,” “Eight of Cups,” etc.
-I don’t know what to do. The wiki tells me this is again a situation I wouldn’t have solved on my own in a million years. I assumed I’d have to just kill Cardians until one dropped a ripe starfruit.
It turns out that instead, I have to kill tons of these Cardians until I get an Orb of Swords, Orb of Batons, Orb of Cards, Orb of Coins (very rare drops from their respective Cardian types). Then I have to bring those Orbs to a totally different part of Horutoto Ruins that I enter somewhere else, and do a thing tbd.
*a significant amount of time later*
FINALLY!! I must’ve cleared out all the Cardians in this place 6-7 times, but I finally got the four Orbs.
-I leave this version of Horutoto Ruins and head to a different version (one of the five different and unconnected parts of the Ruins scattered throughout East and West Sarutabaruta).
-As soon as I enter it, a stone called “???” is clickable. It’s a battlefield to enter, an instance.
OH CRAP “CUSTOM CARDIANS? SWARM ME – I hightail it out. I didn’t have any trust alter egos summoned since I assumed the battlefield would be somewhere else.
-I resummons the orbs, and… WAIT WHAT THE FUCK
GOD DAMMIT
When I started the battlefield, it used up my Orb of Swords, of Cups, of Batons, of Coins. I have to go back and refarm them.
My heart is full of rage right now. I don’t remember the last time I was this angry at a video game.
-Back at the Cardian farming section. Let’s go.
*35 minutes later*
-So I got the Orb of Swords, Cups, and Coins back, but not the Orb of Batons yet. But I don’t think I need it. I just checked what those items do, and each makes the Custom Cardians that spawn vulnerable to certain types of damage. Swords, Cups, and Coins make the Cardians vulnerable to slashing, piercing, and magic damage. The Orb of Batons make them vulnerable to blunt damage. I don’t have any blunt damage on my team, so I’m ready to go back.
- I don’t know how hard these custom cardians will be. If they’re TOO hard, I’ll come back in like 10 levels or so and try again.
-After a long run to the right part of Horutoto Ruins, I’m back. Taking my time. Summoning my trust alter-egos, buffing them all with Shell and Protect.
-Got my ass whooped. Hard.
All my alter-egos got unsummoned immediately upon the battle starting, and that was it for me. I’ll try again in another 10-20 levels.
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Next time: Trying Ophiotaurus again for Rhapsodies of Vana’diel, and then starting my limit break quests to get past level 50.
