FFX-2 – Part 19: Bodyguard Bodied

Summary: Garik goes down. Saving tourists in the Cavern of Stolen Fayth. Yojimbo.

FFX-2 – Part 18: A Thorough Dressing Down

Summary: The first cactuar gatekeeper. Death on Gagazet that causes me to go back to the drawing board around garment grid and dressphere pros/cons/choices.

FFX-2 – Part 17: Desert Diplomacy

Summary: Apologetic Cid. Macalania Woods and Berserker!Paine. Envoys to the Cactuar Nation.

FFX-2 – Part 16: Rise of the Machines

Summary: Putting down rampaging machina on the Mi’ihen Highroad. Closed doors at the Djose Temple. Tobli’s lackluster show. Sad Leblanc.

FFX-2 – Part 15: Lady Luck

Summary: The heartbreak of fighting Bahamut. Gullwings turn mercenary. Sphere Break tournament in Luca.

FFX-2 – Part 14: Depths of New Yevon

Summary: Bevelle. Revisiting my grids and dresspheres. Labyrinth and gaol beneath the city. Baralai.

FFX-2 – Part 13: Magic Fingers

Summary: Digging in Bikanel. Infiltrating Chateau Leblanc. A… um… “massage.” New spheres, and new passengers aboard the Celsius.

FFX-2 – Part 12: Spirennial Fair

Summary: Mini games in the Calm Lands. Climbing Gagazet for the first Leblanc Syndicate uniform. Guadoless Guadosalam.

FFX-2 – Part 11: Machines Ex Machina

Summary: Clasko and Lucil on the Mushroom Rock Road. Bevelle. Gippal in Djose Temple. Introspective Cid on the Thunder Plains.

FFX-2 – Part 10: Sphere Broken

Summary: Luca. Shelinda. Sphere Break.

FFX-2 – Part 9: Bitter Farewell

Summary: A session in two halves. First: happy animal musicians on the Moonflow and Macalania Woods. Gun Mage. Second: magic fading, Guado in repentant exile. Tromell. Full Throttle.

FFX-2 – Part 8: Kwesting Adventurers

Summary: The Aurochs’ new coach is the worst. Calli and chocobo chasing on the Mi’ihen Highroad.

FFX-2 – Part 7: Monkey Love

Summary: Aiding the Youth League. The demonic machina gets named: Vengnagun. Theft of the Celsius. Monkey matchmaking in Zanarkand.

Coldrun Fitness - Indefinite Hiatus

Quick update: I've shifted fitness stuff off-site.  This format wasn't helping me and after a couple of years, I'm calling it quits.

Still trying to improve my life in a holistic way.  Eating better, exercising, better home care and hygiene, better financial management - across-the-board changes.

If you're interested, you can follow these attempts on my new Twitter account, @ColdrunForward.  This site will remain active as I continue my unspoiled playthrough of the Final Fantasy series.

Thank you for following, and have a wonderful winter :)

FFX-2 – Part 6: Not-So-Awesome

Summary: Kilika rebuilt. Barthello and Dona. Youth League vs. New Yevon. Maybe!Tidus trying to save Lenne with the help of Satan McMachina. Party aboard the Celsius. Yuna's nightmare.

FFX-2 – Part 5: Tourist Trapped

Summary: Exploring Gagazet fruitlessly for the Besaid key-holder. Post-Sin Zanarkand. Yuna and Rikku try to cope with seeing the pilgrimage road in such a different light. Kinderguardians.

FFX-2 – Part 4: Beneath Besaid

Summary: The cave on Besaid. Part of it, anyway. Flame Dragon. Looking deeper.

FFX-2 – Part 3: Battlin’ Boris

Summary: Trying out Creature Capture. The adventures of Boris. Returning to Besaid. Lulu, Wakka.

FFX-2 – Part 2: Race to the Top

Summary: Shinra tutorials. Ruins floating above Gagazet. Losing a race to the Leblanc Syndicate. Festivalist for the rest of us.

FFX-2 – Part 1: YRP

Summary: Singing, dancing, gunslinging Yuna. Rikku and Paine. Leblanc. Magical girl transformations. Gullwings aboard the Celsius. High quantities of pure joy.

FFX: Eternal Calm

Summary: Two years later, Yuna and Rikku prepare for a new adventure.

FFX – Part 65: Final Buzzer

Summary: Final thoughts on Final Fantasy X.

FFX – Part 64: Dream’s End

Summary: Sin’s Core. Jecht, Braska’s Final Aeon. Yu Yevon. The end of Final Fantasy X.

FFX – Part 63: El Ganador

Summary: Into Sin. Sea of Sorrow. Cactuar Village solved. Garden of Pain – Seymour’s pain. Yuna sends him.

FFX – Part 62: El Perdedor

Summary: Revisiting the Ixion and Shiva fayths. Trying to solve the mystery of the Sanubia Desert, trying to access a cactuar village and ultimately failing.

FFX – Part 61: Fayth in Dark Places

Summary: Finishing off the secrets in the Besaid and Kilika temples. Saying hello to some old fayths. Anima. Magus Sisters. Farewell to Belgemine.

FFX – Part 60: Close Encounters

Summary: Final attempts at Dark Yojimbo. Playing with weapon/armor customization. Sin goes down. (For now.)

FFX – Part 59: Eternal Summoner

Summary: Dark Valefor. Dark Ixion. Highbridge meetings with Shelinda, Mika, and the Bevelle Fayth. Planning for Yu Yevon.

FFX – Part 58: Omega Ruins Coldrun

Summary: Dark Bahamut. The brutal ordeal of the Omega Ruins. Ultima Weapon goes down. Omega Weapon does not.

FFX – Part 57: Big Game Hunter

Summary: Masamune. Dark Ifrit. Yevon/Sin history. Dark Anima. My first arena victory.

FFX – Part 56: Treasure Hunt

Summary: More of me getting obliterated in the Calm Lands Arena with one near-victory. Nirvana. Following ancient Al Bhed messages through Calm Lands. Godhand.

Coldrun Fitness - Chipping Away

Summary: 2,530 calories.  Short Pokewalk.  A good day.

Coldrun Fitness - Morning After

Summary: Playing with a new FF playthrough-style format. 2,400 calories. Cooked dinner, yay!

FFX – Part 55: Mirror Pilgrimage

Summary: Continuing to backtrack. Djose Road, Moonflow, Guadosalam, Thunder Plains, Macalania. Dark Ixion. Dark Shiva. Some Jecht’s spheres. Cloudy Mirror gets an upgrade.

FFX – Part 54: Victorious

Summary: Getting my ass handed to me in the Calm Lands Arena. Mushroom Rock Road. Young!Auron and Young!Kinoc. The first Al Bhed password.

FFX – Part 53: Delta Attack

Summary: Kilika, Luca, Mi’ihen Highroad, and Mushroom Rock Road revisited. The Magus Sisters return.

FFX – Part 52: A Sort of Homecoming

Summary: Return to Besaid. Dark Valefor. Besaid Falls. Blocked in Baaj Temple.

Coldrun Fitness - One Step Back

FFX – Part 51: Head Meets Wall

Summary: Revisiting the Calm Lands Arena. Earth Eater. A huge fucking waste of time spent on Dark Yojimbo. I am so in the weeds with Dark Yojimbo.

Fair warning – this is probably the most negative I’ve felt coming out of an FF session since I bashed my head against Ultimecia in FFVIII on the first night of attempts.

Coldrun Fitness - These Boots Aren't Made for Walking

Coldrun Fitness - Presence

I want this process to be joyful.  Energetic.  I hate hiding inside myself and being ashamed of my body.  I want to become a physical being.  Someone fully there.  Not hiding.

11/2/16 weight: 271.6 lbs

FFX – Part 50: Auroch Dynasty

Summary: The Besaid Aurochs win the second league season and the second tournament. I discover a host of new places to explore via the airship interface.

FFX – Part 49: New Directions

Summary: An unusually civil encounter with Sin. Regrouping aboard Cid’s airship. League blitzball.

FFX – Part 48: Ghosts of Zanarkand

Summary: The empty statue of Lord Zaon. The conclusion of Lord Braska’s pilgrimage. Lady Yunalesca goes down as Yuna risks it all for a chance to break the cycle. Auron’s past meets the present.

Coldrun Fitness: Week Ahead

FFX – Part 47: Trial by Tetris

Summary: The memory-haunted ruins of Zanarkand. Trials in the Dome. Approaching the Final Aeon. Maybe.

FFX – Part 46: Full Circle

Summary: Trials of Gagazet. Sanctuary Keeper. Yuna’s sphere. Arrival at Zanarkand.

FFX – Part 45: Dreamweaver

Summary: Seymour Flux. The Fayth Cluster. Mindfuckery dialed up to 11 in dream!Zanarkand. I have many, many questions.

Coldrun Fitness - 10/25/16 [complete]

FFX – Part 44: The Mountain Accepts the Strong

Summary: From the Calm Lands to Mount Gagazet. A mixed Ronso welcome. Kimahri’s rematch with Biran (and Yenke). Taking stock of my equipment and key items. Wantz. Climbing the mountain.

Coldrun Fitness - 10/23/16 [complete]

Good start to the week.

FFX – Part 43: The Hunt for Dark Yojimbo

Summary: Back to the Cavern of Stolen Fayth, where I try, try, and try again to take down Dark Yojimbo. Progress without ultimate success.

FFX – Part 42: Bargaining for Backup

Summary: Cavern of the Stolen Fayth. Lulu puts to rest her former summoner. Haggling with Yojimbo. Many, many deaths at the hands of a mystery aeon.

Coldrun Fitness - 10/20/16 [complete]

I really didn't think I'd make the calorie goal today. But when I got home, I was just conked out.  Tired as hell.  Fell asleep for a few hours and had a small dinner when I woke up instead of the bigger dinner I planned.

Good.  Note to self: when circumstances allow, sleep helps.

FFX – Part 41: Belgemine’s Gym

Summary: Remiem Temple. Chocobo racing (mercifully without projectiles flying at me this time). Fighting a series of aeon duels with Belgemine.

Quick Final Fantasy Update!

Not too much news - just been a bit delayed and shorter on time than usual for FF this week.

I expect to have 3-4 posts this week still, with the next tonight.

-Coldrun

Coldrun Fitness - 10/19/16 [complete]

Ate more than my 2,500, but I'm kind of okay with that.  I ate less than usual yesterday, felt hungrier than usual today, and didn't fight that.  Didn't binge either.

Strangely proud.

Coldrun Fitness - 10/18/16 [complete]

Food Log

• Two slices of pizza. (700 cal)
• Mixed Halloween candy. (120 cal)
• Bottled mocha frappuccino. (180 cal)
• Steak/hummus bowl. (630 cal)
• Ice cream bar. (360 cal)

Total calories: 1,990

---

Exercise

• About 30 minute Pokewalk.

Coldrun Fitness - 10/17/16 [complete]

My food goal this week: stop at 2,500 calories each day, as many days as I can.  If I don't stop, mark where I should've/would've stopped.  Track honestly.

Exercise goals this week: a couple of bodyweight workouts and go for a few long Pokewalks.

FFX – Part 40: Gotta Catch ‘Em All!

Summary: Stocking up the Crusaders’ training arena in the Calm Lands. The Scar. Chimerageist.

Coldrun Fitness - 10/13/16

8:30am - Today's goal is to stay in the 2,400-2,600 cal range, and stay there as calmly as possible.  If I start feeling like I'm struggling hard with it, loosen up.  Track it in this post no matter what.

11:00pm - Didn't exactly meet my 2,600 cal goal, but I tracked it honestly and just barely missed it.  Pretty happy.

FFX – Part 39: Dodgeball

Summary: The Calm Lands. Chocobo training with the FFX version of Patches O’Houlihan. Aeon duel with Belgemine. Father Zuke.

FFX – Part 38: The Road Not Taken

Summary: Seymour Natus. Yuna considers her next steps with Tidus. Dreaming of what could be. The pilgrimage continues.

FFX – Part 37: Via Purifico

Summary: The split party in Bevelle’s Via Purifico. Summoner duel between Yuna and Issaaru. A nasty underwater dragon. Seymour’s next form.

Road to 267 - 10/8/16

Weighed in this morning at 267.6 lbs.  Not like walking/biking/eating from yesterday magically dropped me three pounds, but weight is weird.  Not going to worry about it too much.

Road to 269 - 10/7/16

I noticed one potential danger to the "day-by-day" approach I wrote about yesterday: if I'm not careful, it can turn into the kind of high pressure long-term plan I want to avoid. ("Take it day-by-day, NO MATTER WHAT.  OH GOD I DIDN'T TAKE IT DAY-BY-DAY TODAY. ALL IS LOST!")

Going to try staying flexible, staying calm.  If I feel like taking on a small project, or small goal, that's okay too.  This is just what I'm doing for now.

Road to 269 - 10/6/16

I checked my weight this morning.  270.2 lbs.

To be honest, I'm scared. I hate how I feel, how I look, how easily I get winded.  Tried for so long to make adjustments only to give up so soon after.

There's no plan that can help me.  There's no long term strategy I can count on.  I have zero confidence that if I want to do something over the course of a week, I'll be able to follow-through.  None.

I'm currently around 270 pounds.  Let's see if I can get to 269 somehow.  Make a couple of better food choices today.  Go for a little bit of exercise.

I can do that much.  I think I can.

FFX – Part 36: Culture of Death

Summary: The Bevelle Trials. Bahamut. Yuna on Trial. Prison.

FFX – Part 35: Wedding Crashers

Summary: Flying in Cid’s airship. Guado attack. Evrae. Bevelle. Forced wedding between Yuna and Seymour the Corpse Groom. Seymour and the Guado punch their ticket straight to hell.

TW: sexual assault

FFX – Part 34: Lost and Found

Summary: Sanubia Desert. Home under siege. The kidnapped summoners.

FFX – Part 33: Scatter

Summary: Flight from the Guado. Knocked about by a Wendigo. Tossed across the seas by Sin. In Al Bhed territory.

FFX – Part 32: Guado Affairs

Summary: Macalania Hall and Trials. Shiva. The death of Seymour (not that I think it’ll stick). My worst hunches about Tromell confirmed.

FFX – Part 31: You Can’t Go Home Again

Summary: A glimpse of Jecht’s journey. Another Al Bhed attack on Yuna. The snowy path to Macalania Temple.

FFX – Part 30: Butterfly Hunt

Summary: Releasing qactuars. Thunder Plains to the Macalania Woods. Catching butterflies.

FFX – Part 29: Thunderstruck

Summary: Brief return to the Farplane, then crossing the Thunder Plains. Poor Rikku.

FFX – Part 28: Films About Ghosts

Summary: The party travels to the Farplane, reflecting on the deceased. One particular spirit is not so quiet. Yuna’s choice.

Coldrun Fitness - 9/23/16

FFX – Part 27: Suddenly Seymour

Summary: The beginning of blitzball’s second league season. The tale of Lady Yunalesca. Seymour’s proposal.

FFX – Part 26: Ride Ze Shoopuf

Summary: Down the river. Another Al Bhed kidnapping attempt on Yuna. Rikku reappears. Guadosalam.

FFX – Part 25: Take Me to the River

Summary: The ethereal beauty of the Moonflow. Shoopuf! Farming gil for a bunch of new items. Ochufest 2016.

FFX – Part 24: Yevon Cup

Summary: The Aurochs play in a tense tournament that comes down to overtime in the finals. Beginning the path to the Moonflow. So many Ochus.

Coldrun Fitness - 9/13/16

FFX – Part 23: Electric Boogaloo

Summary: The Temple of Yevon-Djose. Success in the Cloister of Trials. Fanboy Barthello. Ixion.

Coldrun Fitness - 9/12/16

FFX – Part 22: The Last Crusade

Summary: The aftermath of Sin’s destruction. The Crusaders slouch away, and – what a coincidence! – Yevon gains some more followers. The Yevon-Djose Temple. Isaaru.

Coldrun Fitness - 9/11/16

FFX – Part 21: Operation Mi’ihen

Summary: Chappu’s choices. The joint Crusader-Al Bhed operation to take down Sin. It doesn’t go well.

Coldrun Fitness - 9/10/16

Been watching Stranger Things recently, and so I'm on an Eggo kick. :)

FFX – Part 20: Road to Perdition

Summary: Finished the first league season. Walked the Highroad and Mushroom Rock towards the command center, marching to the conflict with Sin. Prelude to Operation Mi’ihen.

FFX – Part 19: Jump Around

Summary: Chocobo Eater. Treasure hunting through bouncing around on chocobos. Seymour grants the party access to Operation Mi’ihen.

Coldrun Fitness - 9/9/16

One of the lessons I keep having to learn through this process is to not just try wiping the slate clean.
Lower pressure on me tends to get better results.  Just do what I can each day, make some progress.

Eat a bit less, 2,300-2,600 calories.  Exercise through Pokemon Go walks and biking.  Maybe fencing, if I find the courage.

Head down.  Stay calm.  Low pressure.  Set a low bar, and surprise myself sometimes.

FFX – Part 18: Crossing Aeons

Summary: Belgamine. Strife between Yevonites and Crusaders. Mr. Rin’s Agency. The purpose of the summoners.

FFX – Part 17: Unstoppable

Summary: I embrace the power of the Jecht Shot for a few games then get moseying down the Highroad. Maechen. Djose Chocobo Knights.

Coldrun Go! - Day 22: Exodus

This song's been in my head of late.  It helped power me through some late night essay writing sessions in grad school.

FFX – Part 16: Season Opener

Summary: Practicing the fundamentals of blitzball. Two exhibition games and six league games.

FFX – Part 15: Sins of the Father

Summary: Auron’s revelation to Tidus. Auron joins the party as Yuna’s guardian. I begin reviewing the rules of blitzball.

FFX – Part 14: Clear Eyes, Full Hearts

Summary: Besaid Aurochs vs. Luca Goers. A bittersweet ending to Wakka’s blitzball career. Auron returns. Monster attack saved by Seymour. (Of whom I’m still suspicious as hell.)

Coldrun Go! - Day 17

Just a half hour walk at lunch today for Pokemon.  About 55k/75k experience into level 21.

Overate yesterday.  Ate less today.

FFX – Part 13: Psyche Out

Summary: Exploring Luca. Maester Mika. Sphere Theater. Yuna’s abduction. Besaid Aurochs vs. Al Bhed Psyches, on multiple fronts.

FFX – Part 12: Pregame

Summary: Entering Luca and meeting the teams. Blitzball tutorial.

FFX – Part 11: Bend it Like Jecht’s Son

Summary: Travel from the temple back to the village. Boarded the S.S. Winno towards Luca. Jecht’s Shot.

Coldrun Go! - Day 15: Aerodactyl

Morning: So on Friday I stopped at 2,500 calories, then didn't track on Saturday.  Let's see if I can stay within... hm, 2,600 calories for today and tomorrow.  Planning to head downtown for a Poke-walk in a new area.

---

Evening: Today was AWESOME!  I went into downtown St. Paul for my Poke-walk, and it was FRIGGING PACKED with Pokemon players.  Lures everywhere, Pokemon everywhere.  Lots of the usual Pokemon I get, but also way more Nidorans than usual.

The best part of the afternoon was when I saw a huge crowd jogging in one direction.  I joined the rushing group, running a bit myself.  We wound up in a parking lot where an Aerodactyl was spawning.  Got her!!  So much fun.

Food was touch and go for a while since I ate most of my food early in the day, but had a great afternoon Poke-walk and prepared soup and salad for dinner.  Now I just gotta get through the next 3-4 hours before I go to sleep. (It's currently 7:00pm.)

FFX – Part 10: Trial by Fire

Summary: Sinspawn Geneaux. Dona and Barthello. Tidus goes through the Cloister of Trials. I get disproportionately frustrated.

Coldrun Go! - Day 13: 2500

Morning: Today, I will stop eating once I hit 2,500 calories.

Don't worry about when I eat, or what I eat, or anything like that.  Feel hungry, feel full, feel frustrated, feel all the things.  Just stop at 2,500.  It'll be okay.

---

Evening: Victory!  (Probably.  It's 8:30pm, but I'm in the clear.)

It was touch and go at the end.  There was a bag of chips opened when I got home that I was sorely tempted to dive into.  Sat with that feeling, put the bag of chips away, and decided not to eat them.

---

On a happier note, I hit level 21 in Pokemon Go!  Went on a Lucky Egg binge of evolutions, and even managed to defeat my first gym for Team Mystic.  WOOHOO MYSTICCCC <3  I have a Tauros and Electabuzz that are my all-stars right now in the 1100-1300 range.

FFX – Part 9: Lord Ochu’s Domain

Summary: Yuna’s Sending ritual, one of the most beautiful things in all of FF. Through the Kilika Woods, towards the temple. Lord Ochu.

TW: brief mention of 9/11.

FFX – Part 8: Oceanic Abomination

Summary: Aeon mechanics and party combat mechanics. Kimahri. Sailing to Kilika. FFX continues to bash my giant sea monster fears as Sin attacks on Kilika.

Coldrun Go - Day 10: Friends with Discomfort

Not much Pokemon today.  Only a little bit, but good progress into level 19.  I expect to hit 20 tomorrow.  And Thursday, I joined a Meetup for Pokemon Go!  I'm nervous because of how generally awkward I am socially, but we'll see how it goes.

---


Something pretty simple occurred to me tonight.  So, I want to lose a lot of weight.  Not saying being whatever weight you want, but for many reasons I'm not happy at the weight I am.

Right? Right.

So I have to change how I eat.  Eat less; probably eat better, but definitely eat less.

Yes.  Makes sense.

The last step in this little train of thought: this will be uncomfortable.  It will not be pleasant.  I can do things to deal with the discomfort and allay it and relieve it, but it will be there. It's not poisonous.  It won't kill me.  But I'm so averse to it right now, and that has to change.

I need to get used to discomfort.  Learn to sit with it, relax with it, welcome it.  Befriend it.

FFX – Part 7: Safe Departure

Summary: Yuna. Dream Jecht. Lulu. Preparations to leave Besaid Island.

FFX – Part 6: Summoner’s Trials

Summary: Besaid’s temple. Cloister of Trials. As yet unnamed summoner and her two as yet unnamed guardians. Valefor.

Coldrun Go! - Day 9: Hey 19

Morning: Lots of walking on my weekend trip.  Hit level 18 and 40km, which is great!  My eating has been pretty mindless, so I have Pokemon Go to thank for holding steady in terms of weight.  I will continue to level up, pushing for 20, and then I'll start powering up a team of Pokemon and explore the gym/combat side of this game!

Next goal for weight is to hit 265.  I think I can do it this week, if I just make a bit of an adjustment to my eating.  Even just staying in the 2,700-2,750 range my do it.

---

Evening: Ate a bit more than I planned, but tracked and did not binge.

Lots of poke-walking today.  Reached 45.6km, so another 5km.


Day 0: 267.8 lbs
Day 9: 267.2 lbs

Coldrun Go! - Day 7: Villanelle

I've been walking a lot still, playing Pokemon Go.  Magmar is probably my new favorite pokemon.  I don't have the candy to power her up, but she looks like a badass fiery dragon.  Currently level 14.

Eating has been a real problem of late.  As always.  I'm going to be traveling for the next day or so and will be away, but just wanted to post one of my favorite poems from a long time ago that's been rattling around in my brain the last few days:

"Villanelle If You Want To Be A Bad-Ass," by Jennifer Michael Hecht.  [tw: ableist word choice]

FFX – Part 5: Beach Boys

Summary: Wakka and the Aurochs. The path to Besaid Village.

FFX – Part 4: Al Bhed

Summary: Sphere grid. Al Bhed language and people. Underwater mission for the Al Bhed salvagers. Rikku. Return of Sin.

Coldrun Go! - Day 3

8:45am: Been having trouble getting my eating under control.  Doing this day-by-day.

Two eating goals today:

1) Track everything I eat.
2) Stay under 2,600 calories.

Hoping I have time and energy for a good Pokewalk tonight!

---

10:40pm: I didn't stay under 2,600 calories.  Stopped at 2,730, which I'm pretty happy with!  Tomorrow, I'll try for 2,650 cal.

Reached 17.1km across a few walks today.  Caught a few new ones, including Poliwhirl, Seel, Abra, and Diglett.  Seel is ridiculously adorable.

Coldrun Go! - Day 2

Hit level 9, and walked another 4km or so today.  The next achievement I'm working on there is "Jogger: walk 100 km."  Currently at 12.71/100.  Explored a new area in Minneapolis today. The Pokestops are so great for that - a great way to learn about the history and landmarks of the area.

I see Pokemon gyms around, but all of them seem to hold really powerful Pokemon that would obliterate me. Maybe later.

FFX – Part 3: Submerged

Summary: The Submerged Ruins. Al Bhed. I discuss my fear of sea monsters and am immediately punished with a horrifying sea monster. A party of maybe!thieves.

Coldrun Go! - Day 1

Today was pretty great!  Hit level 7, walking 8-9 km (over 5 miles) collecting stuff.  Lots of Ratatas, Pidgeys, and Weedles.  My favorite is Drowzee... except I wasn't expecting the nightmare fuel from its Pokedex description:

"If your nose becomes itchy while you are sleeping, it's a sure sign that one of these Pokémon is standing above your pillow and trying to eat you dream through your nostrils."



 
LIKE HOLY SHIT??!?!!!?  THAT'S TERRIFYING

My eating was kind of out of control, so I'll  try to at least track it today.

FFX – Part 2: Sphere

Summary: Sinspawn. Into Sin’s sphere. Exploring the new mechanics of FFX.

FFX – Part 1: Opening Blitz

Summary: The beginning of FFX. Tidus, Auron, Blitzball

Coldrun Go! - Day 0

So it's been a while.  I had gone into one of those frustrating "give up" cycles.  Exercising seemed like a chore.  I couldn't do it.  The same thing with eating under any kind of control.  Binged often.

This morning, with some encouragement from the folks on Mark Spoils, I tried out Pokemon Go.  Never played Pokemon before, so it was new to me. (Though I did collect battle pets in World of Warcraft.)  Downloaded and went.

Two hours later that morning, I noticed the ridiculous quantity of walking I had done without it feeling at all like a chore.  Repeated it in the afternoon for more collection for another hour.  Learned all about my neighborhood too!

---

All this is to say that I was on the verge of giving up, and will give it one more try.  Why not.  Once more into the breach.  Nothing elaborate - just play Pokemon Go a bunch as my exercise bedrock to get out of the apartment, and try to do better with eating.  Started a new account.

Let's see if I can finally lose weight in any lasting way.

Starting weight (8/13/16): 267.8 lbs

FFIX – Part 71: Not Alone

Summary: Some final thoughts on Final Fantasy IX. [Note: some of the images were really difficult to source through Google image search, so if something was messed up or you see something that should be attributed to someone else, please let me know!]

FFIX – Part 70: Happily Ever After

Summary: The end of FFIX. I hope you’ll forgive me for an unusually long, unusually screenshot-heavy post, and for me not foreseeing what should have been obvious. I really thought they were going for bittersweet/tragic; the hard turn into overwhelming joy shook me, and I couldn’t be happier.

FFIX – Part 69: In a Trance

Summary: Deathguise. Kuja. Necron.

FFIX – Part 68: Firin’ Mah Lazer

Summary: Continuing through Memoria. Hades, Kraken, Lich. Ark. Space and the Crystal World. What a beautifully surreal dungeon.

Coldrun Fitness - August 4, 2016

Habit #1: dental care.  Figured I'd start small.  I'm terrible at this basic thing, so have been practicing it this week.  Morning: brush for 2 minutes, mouthwash rinse for 30 seconds.  Evening: same thing, but also with flossing.

In the evening especially, doing this helps lock the day down.  Reduces temptation to eat more.

Coldrun Fitness - August 3, 2016

Today felt pretty great!  I decided to go for a walk/run.  Walked, and when the music I was listening to made me feel like it or when I felt ready, I ran for a bit.  Light running.  Favorite music for this was the Ultimecia fight medley from FFVIII.

I don't usually run, but something about running feels like a normal human thing. Comforts me to know I can do that sometimes.

FFIX – Part 67: Memory Palace

Summary: Dogfight between the combined Gaian air forces and some dragons allows the Invincible to break into the magic bubble above the Iifa Tree. Nova Dragon. The surreal Memoria, with special guest stars from FFI. Voice of Garland.

FFIX – Part 66: Eidolon Origins

Summary: Dragon-slaying successfully. Attempting to Yan-slay and failing miserably. Lani. Cracking the code of the Eidolon Wall in Madain Sari and attempting to process/interpret what I learn.

FFIX – Part 65: Mognet Tech Support

Summary: Working to get Mognet up and running. Positive developments in the Black Mage Village.

FFIX – Part 64: Return to Gaia

Summary: Flight from Kuja and Terra to a Mist-covered Gaia. The Invincible. Genomes in the Black Mage Village. Mitoko. Wrap-up in Treno.

FFIX – Part 63: World on Fire

Summary: Pandemonium. The end of Garland. OR IS IT? (Probably.) Kuja comes to Terra.

Habits

Stepping back briefly. 

I've been thinking a lot about why I have trouble losing weight in any meaningful way.  I believe it's because I suck at adulting.  There's no one way to be a functioning adult of course, but as I examine my life, I see that I'm missing so many of the fundamental building blocks that compose the kind of life I envision.

Theory: if I build these blocks effectively, it will help me lose weight in the short-term and set things up for a healthier life going forward.

That's my new challenge for myself.

Some of these habits I want to build are more personal than I'm comfortable sharing.  Others I'll write about here.  Not all habits are directly fitness-related, but most will have at least tangential benefits.  Limiting myself to starting one habit per day.

More details on what this habit-building process will look like tomorrow.  

FFIX – Part 62: The Last Temptation of Zidane

Summary: Garland lays out his plans for Terra and Gaia. Strikes out against Zidane, who hits a sort of rock bottom. A little help from his friends.

FFIX – Part 61: The Terran Genome Project

Summary: Zidane dives into his unsettling heritage, his friends on his heels.

FFIX – Part 60: Walking the Spirit Road

Summary: Shimmering Island. Terra. The Invincible. Bran Bal and its strangely empty citizens.

Coldrun Fitness - July 29, 2016 [in progress]

Two days left this week.  One aiming for ~3,100 cal, the other for less than or equal to 2,600 cal.

FFIX – Part 59: Guard Break

Summary: The party splits and busts into the four elemental shrines, preparing the way to the Shimmering Island. Amarant continues hurtling down his character arc.

Coldrun Fitness - July 28, 2016 [complete]

Ended up with a heavy binge yesterday.  That's okay.  Today went better.

My goal for the next two days is to have one day at or below 2,600 cal, and the other day with a bit more flexibility without being as heavy a binge as yesterday. Maybe... in the 3,100 cal max range.

FFIX – Part 58: Upside Down

Summary: Into the disorientating Ipsen's Castle. Elemental seals. Amarant growth. Odin's sword.

FFIX – Part 57: Daguerreo Types

Summary: Finishing up before Ipsen’s Castle. Tetra Master. Choco. The watery library of Daguerreo. THE FOUR ARMED MAAAAAN

Coldrun Fitness - July 27, 2016 [complete]

Managed to stay below 2,600 cal yesterday to my surprise.  Just like yesterday, I'll have leeway today to go higher than that if I want.  My goal this week still is to have five days at or below 2,600 calories.  Three down.  Just have to do well in two of the next four days.

Coldrun Fitness - July 26, 2016 [complete]

The last two days, stayed at or below 2,600.  Woohoo!!  Today, I'll go a bit easier.  If I hit 2,600, awesome, but mainly my goal is just to not all-out binge.

FFIX – Part 56: Ozma the Great and Powerful

Summary: Tons of Choco stuff. Cleared the chocograph treasures (with one notably rage-inducing chest among them). Mognet Central. The beautiful Chocobo’s Air Garden. Oh, and got my ass handed to me by a swirling ball of colors and pain.

Coldrun Fitness - July 25, 2016 [complete]

Started out the week well yesterday.  Let's see if I can do a second day at 2,600.

FFIX – Part 55: Paradise Found

Summary: The hunt for Chocobo’s Paradise bears fruit.

Coldrun Fitness - July 24, 2016 [complete]

 Good.  This week finished well. 

The best weeks for me are not where I try for perfection, but rather where I try to do just a bit better than last week.  More relaxed, lower pressure, better success.

This coming week, my food goals are to have five days at or below 2,600 calories.  The other two days, just try not to go on full-out binges.  I think I can do that.

 ---

7/24/16 morning weight: 265.8 lbs - Dropped a couple this week which feels great. Only going to weigh-in on Sundays.  No point doing it sooner.  Just adds pressure.

FFIX – Part 54: Like a Duck to Water

Summary: General exploration. Dali. Quan’s Dwelling. Choco evolves. Return to Chocobo Forest and Chocobo Lagoon.

FFIX – Part 53: Auctioneer

Summary: Exploring the world in the Hilda Garde 3. Forgotten Continent. Mist Continent. Treno.

Coldrun Fitness - July 23, 2016 [complete]

Last day of the week. I'm okay with going over 2,600 calories today, but will not to do a full on binge. If I can stay below 3,000, that'd be awesome.

Coldrun Fitness - July 22, 2016 [complete]

FFIX – Part 52: Queen Garnet, Queen Dagger

Summary: The party settles on a next step. Dagger returns to Alexandria.

FFIX – Part 51: Mog Versus the Volcano

Summary: Return to Esto Gaza, and an unexpected return to a volcano. Eiko saved. A heartbreaking sacrifice. The end of “Zorn and Thorn.” Enter Hilda.

Coldrun Fitness - July 21, 2016 [complete]

Two days this week at or below 2,600 calories.  Going to try for one more in the next two days, either tomorrow or Saturday.  The other day I'm just going to try not going on a whole-hog binge.

Coldrun Fitness - July 20, 2016 [complete]

Trying again.  Calmly as I can.  Goal for the rest of this week: three days at or below 2,600 calories.

FFIX – Part 50: Angels and Demons

Summary: Exploring the Desert Palace of Kuja. One of the best settings in the entire FF series.

FFIX – Part 49: Digging Deeper

Summary: Team Zidane delves into the mysteries of Oeilvert. Team Dagger orchestrates a prison break.

FFIX – Part 48: Remembered

Summary: Kuja captures the party and forces four of them to go to the Forgotten Continent on an errand.

Coldrun Fitness - July 17, 2016 - Planning

Meal planning for tomorrow:

Breakfast: Bagel with light plain cream cheese. Chocolate milk. (630 cal)
Morning snack: Iced skim chai. (150 cal)
Lunch: Chipotle burrito bowl. (1,000 cal)
Afternoon snack: Bottled mocha frappuccino. (180 cal)
Dinner: Chicken sub. (490 cal)

Total: 2,450 cal

FFIX – Part 47: Worth

Summary: Return to the mostly empty Black Mage Village. Exploring the eastern half of the Outer Continent.

FFIX – Part 46: Red if by Land, Blue if by Sea

Summary: Lots of Choco stuff. Naval exploration. Chocobo Lagoon, Hot & Cold, and chorograph hunting.

FFIX – Part 45: Feeling Froggy

Summary: Zidane goes potion-hunting in Lindblum, attempting to reverse Cid’s curse. It doesn’t quite work as intended.

FFIX – Part 44: No Words

Summary: The party recovers in Lindblum, dealing with recent traumas best they can. A new mission: to cure Cid, get an airship, and move on Kuja. Too bad that Kuja has a mission as well.

Coldrun Fitness - July 11, 2016

Going to weigh in just whenever I feel like it.  Only will track when it goes down.  No pressure for the days it doesn't go down, since it's such a fluid thing.  Will just watch for longer-term trends.

Starting weight (7/10/16): 265.4 lbs
Morning weight (7/11/16): 264.6 lbs

FFIX – Part 43: Chaos Theory

Summary: Kuja attacks Alexandria. Bahamut. The city’s holy namesake comes to its defense. Invincible. A new character, and yet the oldest character, enters the field: Garland. What a monster of a session.

FFIX – Part 42: The Tetra Master

Summary: The auction house and Tetra Master tournament. Vivi returns home. Freya on Kuja’s trail.

Coldrun Fitness - July 10, 2016

Everything old is new again.  I'm back to my old high weight, and yet I'm weirdly okay with it.  Not sure why exactly.  Just feeling calmer.  I think that's a good thing.

Starting weight (7/10/16): 265.4 lbs

FFIX – Part 41: City People

Summary: The party returns to Dark City Treno. Special focus on Eiko and Amarant. Quina’s back! Catoblepas.

FFIX – Part 40: Love Letters

Summary: A session that reminds me in the best way possible of a wacky Shakespearean comedy, with all the silliness and heartbreak and joy that entails.

FFIX – Part 39: Dagger Ascendant

Summary: The aftermath of Kuja versus Brahne. Dagger prepares for her coronation. The party rests in Alexandria. More of Dagger's past revealed. I acquire a new ship.

FFIX – Part 38: Showtime

Summary: Back to the Iifa Tree. Leviathan, Bahamut. Kuja’s Mistborn versus Brahne’s military and eidolons.

FFIX – Part 37: Lost and Found

Summary: Lani temporarily kidnaps and steals from Eiko. Rescued with the help of a red-headed bandit. Peeling back mystery from Dagger’s past. A new party member!

FFIX – Part 36: Mist Tree Machine

Summary: Into the Iifa Tree. Peeling back layers of the mystery onion that is the whole Mist-Kuja connection.

FFIX – Part 35: Lost Summoners

Summary: Madain Sari. Dinner. Wall of Eidolons. Self-doubt all around, and a little crush from the tiny summoner.

Coldrun Fitness - July 9, 2016

Been mentally checked out for a while.  Back.

Going to try planning out my food for tomorrow:

• Half Cajun breakfast. (800 cal)
• Bottled mocha frappuccino. (180 cal)
• Macaroni and cheese. (640 cal)
• Iced chai tea latte. (150 cal)
• Pasta with sauce. (550 cal)
• Frozen yogurt. (180 cal)

Total planned: 2,500

I also plan on walking for about an hour and a half.

FFIX – Part 34: Eiko Eiko

Summary: Mawwiage. Through the Condor Petie mountain pass. A new party member and her moogle.

FFIX – Part 33: A Place to Call Home

Summary: The village of the black mages. Longing for home. This section. THIS SECTION THOUGH.

FFIX – Part 32: Conde Petie

Summary: The party visits a town of dwarves. A lead on a black mage.

FFIX – Part 31: The Outer Continent

Summary: The party completes its trek through the Fossil Roo and explores the Outer Continent.

Coldrun Fitness - June 26, 2016

FFIX – Part 30: Follow Your Nose

Summary: The party departs for the excavation. Choco time. QUINA!! Fossil Roo. Lina.
TW: monster image that could be considered nightmare fuel.

Coldrun Fitness - June 24, 2016

General Update

I've been lax about updating this site.  Have not tracked food or exercised, put on weight, and I always feel ashamed when that happens.  Like I need to hide and stop engaging.

FF helps bring me back.  So enjoy this storm of FFIX posts!  God, this game is so great. :D

More fitness posts coming.  I don't know what I'm going to do.  But I don't want to give up.

FFIX – Part 29: Under Her Control

Summary: Alexandria takes Lindblum in dramatic fashion. Dagger, Vivi, and Zidane walk amidst the newly-occupied city and plot to move against Kuja.

FFIX – Part 28: To Thine Own Self

Summary: Two new players, bounty hunters, take on the mission of hunting down Dagger for Brahne. Dagger, Vivi, and Zidane crash outside of Lindblum. Ramuh. Remembering an old comrade – a VERY old comrade.

FFIX – Part 27: Allies

Summary: Rescuing Dagger from Alexandria with the help of allies old and new. Tantarian. Beatrix. Beatrix Beatrix Beatrix? Beatrix, Beatrix Beatrix: Beatrix.

 

FFIX – Part 26: The Sack of Cleyra

Summary: Brahne unleashes Odin on Cleyra. Beatrix begins to doubt. Steiner and Marcus break out.

FFIX – Part 25: The Defense of Cleyra

Summary: Eidolon extraction from Dagger. Beatrix’s forces assault Cleyra while the party does its best to stave off their attack.

FFIX – Part 24: Sandy Tree Friends

Summary: Cleyra. Sandy labyrinth in the tree and pastoral settlement at the top. Prince Puck and the Antlion. The sandstorm fades.
tw: large insect/spider looking thing.

FFIX – Part 23: Beneath the Ground

Summary: Kuja’s plans develop. The search for Supersoft. Doctor Tot. Dagger, Steiner, and Marcus move from Treno to Alexandria by unconventional means in Gargan Roo.
tw: giant bug

Coldrun Fitness - Day 5 (6/16/16)

FFIX – Part 22: Dark City

Summary: The party splits in Treno, city of thieves and nobles. Auction house, card stadium, and elsewhere.

FFIX – Part 21: Train to Treno

Summary: Dagger and Steiner pick up a roguish companion and make their way towards Treno.

The Coldrun 70 - Day 3 (6/14/16)

The Coldrun 70 - Day 2 (6/13/16)

FFIX – Part 20: Realm of Eternal Rain

 Summary: Burmecia under attack. Searching for the rat king. Freya backstory. Brahne and Beatrix. A new character: Kuja.

FFIX – Part 19: When You Dream

Summary: Steiner and Dagger make for Alexandria. Death in the Popos Heights. Exploration in the Daimes-Horse Basin outside Burmecia. Choco’s Dream World.

The Coldrun 70: Day 1 (6/12/16)

I said I wouldn't do the long-term project thing anymore.  The big countdown.

Fuck it.

I've felt untethered of late. Blown up. It's time to refocus.

Maybe this time will be different.  I'm on antidepressants for the first time, and that may help.  I hope to combine the best elements of my two years on this site:

• inflexible weekly calorie limit
• inflexible weekly exercise goals (on the lower side)
• flexibility and experimentation in all other elements.  Types of food, supporting habits, etc.

---

My goal weight is 190.0 lbs.  I'm starting out at 260 lbs (260.6, but close enough).  I'm exhausted of feeling this way, and stagnant. I don't want my life to stay in this rut.  I don't want to drag myself down anymore.  It's exhausting, and I'm tired, and I'm done.

One year.  365 days.  5.5-6 lbs per month.  For the first week, 2,600 calories per day and three workouts (walk, bike, or basketball).

Let's try again.

---

Starting weight: 260.6 lbs

FFIX – Part 18: Hot and Cold

Summary: Exploring the chocobo stuff in this game that is way more fun than it has any right to be. Gizamaluke’s Grotto.

FFIX – Part 17: Culinary Arts

Summary: Departure from Lindblum. Quina! Qu's Marsh. Blue magic.

FFIX – Part 16: On the Hunt

Summary: The Festival. Trouble in Burmecia. A sleepy feast. Fighting around the city.
TW: non-consensual drugging.

FFIX – Part 15: Hunters’ Eve

Summary: Zidane and Dagger atop the castle. Lindblum prepares for the festival. Zidane, Vivi, and Freya enter the festival.

Coldrun Fitness - June 7, 2016 [in progress]

That was disheartening.  Expected, and disheartening.  Weighed in, and it's basically my starting weight from a while ago.

I knew it.  I feel fat, I have trouble fitting into clothes, trouble breathing, trouble moving.

Let's change that.  Calmly and deliberately.

I've pared back my massive checklist of tasks to six that I feel optimistic about being able to take care of on a good day.

---

June 7, 2016 weight: 260.6 lbs

FFIX – Part 14: Tales of Lindblum (part 2)

Summary: Continuing to explore Lindblum.

FFIX – Part 13: Tales of Lindblum (part 1)

Summary: Synthesis. The party explores Lindblum. A huge city and huge session, so I’ve split it up.

Coldrun Fitness - June 6, 2016

Monday in progress.  I've gained weight of late, but I think I'm in a good space to start going the other way.  There are a lot of actions tracked here that can help.

I'll think of it a bit like weight-lifting.  Do what I'm comfortable with - plus a little bit that is past my standard.  Build up a tolerance.  Then increase a bit more.

I've done what I'm comfortable with the last week or so.  About 2-3 points total.  Let's try pushing to the 5-6 point range per day.

Coldrun Fitness - June 5, 2016

Happy Sunday, y'all!

Food at/from home
[x] - breakfast
[  ] - lunch
[  ] - dinner
[  ] - snacks

Mindful eating
[  ] - breakfast
[  ] - lunch
[  ] - dinner

Tracking
[  ] - tracked food
[  ] - tracked calories under 3,000 (not mindless binge)
[  ] - tracked calories under 2,600


Exercise
[x] - cardio - Walked about 2.5 miles.
[  ] - strength/bodyweight

Supporting habits
[x] - brush teeth after last time eating
[x] - clean dishes
[  ] - wake up 45 minutes before work
[x] - plan next day's food

• Two scrambled eggs and an English muffin with cream cheese. (400 cal)
• Chipotle burrito bowl. (1,000 cal)
• Bottled vanilla frappuccino. (200 cal)
• Crackers. (300 cal)
• Pasta with tomato sauce and frozen yogurt. (600 cal)
• Total planned: 2,500 cal

 ---

TOTAL: 5

FFIX – Part 12: Regent Oglop

Summary: Lindblum Grand Castle. Regent Cid. Freya! The kidnapping explained.

FFIX – Part 11: Just Dolls

Summary: The cargo ship. Vivi, Black Waltz #3, and a horrifying mage doll massacre. Chase to Lindblum.
tw: sexual harassment

Coldrun Fitness - June 3, 2016

9:00am: Going to fight hard to stay below 2,600 calories today.

6:15pm: Yay!  Made it to 2,600 calories and feeling done.  Now to resist eating more and maybe knock out some supporting goals.  

Coldrun Fitness - June 2, 2016

Good walk this evening.

FFIX – Part 10: Mass Made Mist Mages

Summary: Zidane and Dagger save Vivi. A strange group of Mist-machines mass-producing artificial black mages. Steiner develops his own plans to return the princess to Alexandria.

FFIX – Part 9: Cat’s Eye View

Summary: Nolrich Heights, South Gate, Observatory Mountain. The strange and secretive town of Dali. Everyone’s weird about Vivi and the townspeople snatch him. Garnet learns to be Dagger.

TW: spider and bug images, one each.

Coldrun Fitness - June 1, 2016

Tracking again as I go today.

Coldrun Fitness - May 31, 2016

Over this past week, I've gotten started on various fitness activities.  Just a taste of each of them.  Preparing food at home.  Eating mindfully. Exercising. Tracking.  Usually just one or two of these at a time.

My goal: start fencing again in July.  Use this next month, June 2016, to build better habits.  And yet, here's the key for me: build better habits without allowing myself to dwell on or be wracked by the feelings of anxiety, shame, failure, and self-hatred that come with excessively high expectations.

So here's the plan: I've put together a checklist of good habits that I want to build.  This will be my new log.  I'll work on what I can, and try to gradually increase the number of things I succeed in each day.

But this is a long list.  I won't check everything off.  Hell, there will be days where I check almost nothing off.  THAT'S OK.  Contrary to what my brain wants to tell me, it doesn't make me a terrible failure of a human being.  Low stress, low anxiety, celebrate when I do a lot of these things, and don't worry about when I don't.

---

Posting this early today and checking stuff off as I go.  Dunno if I'll do that on future days or just post at the end of the day going forward.

FFIX – Part 8: Ice Waltz

Summary: Stopped at Melda Arch, then traversed the Ice Cavern. Another tutorial. Or should I say – “Moogorial?” (No. No, I shouldn’t.) Black Waltz #1.

FFIX – Part 7: Teach Me, Mogster!

Summary: Small, self-contained session where moogles tutor me on the basics of FFIX game mechanics.

Coldrun Fitness - May 29, 2016

Walked today!  About 30 minutes.  Felt great.

Coldrun Fitness - May 28, 2016

Success!  My goal today was to eat all three of my meals mindfully, doing nothing but eating.  Not reading or listening to podcasts or watching TV.  It was a bit tough because I'm so used to doing other stuff while eating, but it really does make it easier to stop when I'm no longer hungry.  There's less incentive to just keep eating for the sake of inertia.

FFIX – Part 6: Sudden Arboreal Stop

Summary: Saving Garnet from the Evil Forest. Plant Brain. Blank’s sacrifice.

TW: spiders. Sort of.

Coldrun Fitness - May 27, 2016

Today's goal: log and keep to 2,600 calories..

FFIX – Part 5: Salvage Operation

Summary: The Tantalus, Vivi, and Steiner pick themselves up after the crash of the Prima Vista. Garnet is taken by a grat. The team regroups, and Zidane, Steiner, and Vivi prepare to get her back after some push-back from Baku. Learning about abilities and Active Time Events.

FFIX – Part 4: A Voluntary Kidnapping

Summary: The play comes to a fiery conclusion. Escape from Alexandria. GAAAARNET

Coldrun Fitness - May 25, 2016

Succeeded in my goal today! 

I often snack out.  Coffee shops, vending machines, etc.  Today, my goal was to just eat snacks I prepared at home.  Not even talking about cucumber and lettuce or anything, just crackers that I package at home.  Harder to binge when it's just what I prep/bag in advance.

Had some cheese crackers and a bottle frappuccino I had bought in a pack at the grocery store.  Again, not super healthy or anything, but far fewer calories than I'd normally eat when eating out.

Tomorrow, I think I'll try going for a walk.

FFIX – Part 3: Plutonic Disorder

Summary: The play begins. Steiner and the ridiculous Knights of Pluto. The decidedly un-ridiculous Beatrix and her queen’s guard. Exploring the Castle of Alexandria.

Coldrun Fitness - May 24, 2016

One of my major hangups that's led me to eat out often is that I don't know how to cook.  So my goal today to progress in Coldrun Fitness was to cook dinner and write down the ingredients I used and how I cooked in a composition book I'm using as a new cookbook.

Success!

Nothing major.  Really small I suppose, but it worked.  I made a baked potato.  (Sort of lol.)

Took a potato, washed it, coated it in olive oil, poked it with a fork, and popped it in the microwave on a plate.  700 watt microwave.  5 minutes, turn, 5 more minutes.

Cut it open, added butter, salt, pepper, and canned peas.  Mashed it all up and ate it.

It was awesome.  Next time I may try getting some shredded cheddar or peppers or who knows what.  This is a good template.

FFIX – Part 2: Animal Kingdom

Summary: CUTE OVERLOAD. Vivi, a little mage boy overwhelmed by the big city, meets animal people and moogles in his quest to see a play.

Coldrun Fitness - May 23, 2016

I've been feeling both more and less hopeful of late about fitness.

Less hopeful because I've given up on any sense of being "saved" by some hard process to follow, where if I do x, y, and z, I'll lose weight in the long-term.  I just frankly don't believe it anymore.  I don't buy it.  Not sure whether that means I don't believe in the plans or trust myself to follow the plans - probably somewhere in the joining.  I don't believe that I'm a good fit for hard-and-fast plans.

And yet I'm more hopeful than I've been in a long time.  My shifting focus away from finding a path to follow has reduced my stress significantly.  Less focus on extraneous stuff.  I'm searching for what works for me.

This may all be bullshit.  Very likely is.  I'm just so tired of latching onto nine step plans or "do this one thing this week and next week move onto the next stage" and and and... it all just feels artificial.

What isn't?  I don't know.  Going to try feeling my way very slowly.

This is not what giving up looks like.

FFIX – Part 1: I’m on a Boat

Summary: Various introductions. Princess Garnet in Alexandria. Zidane and the Tantalus. A kidnapping plot. Unnamed black mage.

Coldrun Fitness - May 22, 2016

Morning: Trying to eat meals at home today.  Posting as I go.

Evening: Fairly successful day in my opinion!  Felt happy to just get used to eating some meals at home, even if I went out for dinner.  This is a key foundation to build.  If I can start getting used to preparing food at home and eating at home, I'll be in better shape.

Coldrun Fitness - May 19, 2016

I've eaten out a TON recently.  Cooking and keeping clean dishes will be useful in becoming healthier.

Got groceries today.  Some foods I'll try to cook in coming days:

-roast chicken breast
-eggs
-sandwich (not "cooking," but preparing food at home still a step forward)

Chrono Trigger – Part 37: End of an Epoch

Summary: Some of my final thoughts on Chrono Trigger.

Chrono Trigger – Part 36: Dancing in the Moonlight

Summary: A beautiful moonlight parade. The party members return to their proper times. Goodbyes that may not be as permanent as they first seemed. Time traveling cat adventures.

Chrono Trigger – Part 35: Out of His Shell

Summary: The Black Omen, 12,000 BC. Mutants, the Queen of Zeal, and Lavos.

 

Coldrun Fitness - May 16, 2016 [in progress]

Dissatisfaction drives change.  If I'm happy with how things are going, then no change is necessary.  Seems pretty simple and standard, but as I use Nerd Fitness Academy as a guide post, I want to ensure that I don't go farther than I need.

The first big change from what I had been doing immediately prior was tracking my food, even without adjusting what I ate.  Definite progress.  Less likely to binge.

Was it enough?  Do I stop there?  No.  I don't.  I binged less, but I also ate more than I needed to lose weight and didn't really exercise.

---

Next up: count calories.  There's an honest chance I may find satisfaction here and not need to move on for a while.  No need to make that decision yet.  I'll give this "level 2" a good chance, try to become someone who adheres to a calorie limit once again, and see if I feel satisfied with progress after a while or if I need to adjust other habits.

First calorie limit: 2,700/day max.  It's about 400-500 calories lower than what I was eating in stage 1.  Will try that for a couple of weeks, and if it feels too high at that point, I'll reduce it.

Morning weight: 254.0 lbs

Chrono Trigger – Part 34: I, Robo

Summary: Puzzle of the Sun Orb. Geno Dome. Robo makes his stand.

Chrono Trigger – Part 33: Y for Vendetta

Summary: Some armor from Ioka. Unmasked the “Chancellor” in 1,000 AD and repaired Marle’s relationship with her father. MARLE

Chrono Trigger – Part 32: Chrono Trigger

Summary: Giant’s Claw and the Rainbow Shell. Redemption on Death Peak as the team uses the Chrono Trigger saves Crono. The final road to Lavos begins.

Chrono Trigger – Part 31: Conversations with Dead People

Summary: Difficult times for Marle at Castle Guardia. Goodbye to Toma. Repairing the Northern Ruins, and Frog helps the ghost of Cyrus find peace. Perhaps even a bit of peace for himself.

Coldrun Fitness - May 11, 2016

Completed "Solidify Myself in Nerd Fitness Level 1."  The next step after this is to try for level 2.  Level 1 was about pure tracking, and level 2 is about starting to reduce calories by about 500 calories without worrying too much about the composition of those calories.

Coldrun Fitness - May 10, 2016

An unusual day.  The places I ate, I didn't really know the calories, so just wrote the food itself.  One more day to solidify myself into Nerd Fitness Level 1 with tracking..

Chrono Trigger – Part 30: A Private Little Hell

Summary: Reunion with Robo. Lucca and Robo. Lucca and Lara. Love and guilt and growth and anger and hope and pain and friendship. Chrono Trigger.

”What we need to be able to get you to do is to remember the shooting without reliving it. And you have been reliving it.” -Dr. Keyworth, “Noel” (The West Wing)

Chrono Trigger – Part 29: Ozzfest

Summary: The perfect cure for my frustration in the Black Omen. Fiona’s Villa and Ozzie’s Fortress.

Coldrun Fitness - May 9, 2016

Two more days of pure tracking left to lock in Nerd Fitness level one. 

Coldrun Fitness - May 8, 2016

Chrono Trigger – Part 28: Close Enough

Summary: Raw frustration and rage as I attempt to fight through the Black Omen and fail miserably. Obtaining hope for Crono from Gaspar. Happy Mother’s Day, Crono’s mom. ---

Coldrun Fitness - May 7, 2016

Another pretty good day.  Not sure if it's related to anti-depressant, but not going to worry about that angle of it too much.  Have just not felt the need to last couple of days.  Even yesterday was more going through the motions with overeating, if that makes sense.

Chrono Trigger – Part 27: Black Omen

Summary: Janus and Magus. The Black Omen rises. The most difficult boss I’ve encountered thus far.

Coldrun Fitness - May 6, 2016

Coldrun Fitness - May 5, 2016

Better.

Chrono Trigger – Part 26: Hijack

Summary: Post-Lavos Dark Ages. The insufferable Dalton kidnaps the party and retrofits the Epoch. The party busts out, commandeers the Epoch in one of the most badass action sequences in the game thus far.

Chrono Trigger – Part 25: Rising Tides, Crashing Skies

Summary: The Ocean Palace. Lavos rises. Zeal falls. Crono fades. Schala. :(

Coldrun Fitness - May 4, 2016

8:05am: Today, I'm shooting for 2,650 cal max.  Updating post as the day goes on.
10:50pm: Didn't stick to it.  Didn't care.  Hard to care sometimes.  Often.

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I've written a bit about mental health issues here in the past, and will update because I suppose it might end up being relevant.  Got prescribed an anti-depressant.  Starting it tomorrow.

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This is Nerd Fitness Academy level one.  Watch myself.  See myself.  This is me.  A weeklong snapshot of Point A.  "Before."

Completed the "Start Your Food Log" quest.
Created a new quest, to track awareness of food for a week and eat "mindfully" once per day.  Eat one meal per day when not doing anything else.  Not listening to podcasts, not reading, not watching YouTube vids or LPs.

Coldrun Fitness - May 3, 2016

Chrono Trigger – Part 24: Zealots

Summary: Leaving Algetty. Exploring the kingdom of Zeal, getting a sense of its people. Encounter with Dalton.

Coldrun Fitness - May 2, 2016

Chrono Trigger – Part 23: Woeful Tidings

Summary: Climbing the Mountain of Woe. Freeing Melchior. The Ocean Palace up and running. Abduction of Schala.

Coldrun Fitness - May 1, 2016

Happy May!

Chrono Trigger – Part 22: Epoch Journey

Summary: Met what’s left of Balthasar, taking his “Wings of Time.” Dark Ages. Earthbound.

Coldrun Fitness - April 30, 2016

Painful day, but progress.  Why?  This was an honest day.  If I were to give up, stop caring about my weight in any way, shape, or form, and just go with my "gut," the next year would be a series of days like today.  By the end, I'd probably weight around 290 lbs. 

This is me today. 

Shame hasn't helped me recently.  Self-hatred hasn't helped me.  So I'm posting this log and trying to disassociate myself from those feelings. 

This is me today.  I'd like to change.  This doesn't feel good.  Physically, it doesn't feel good.

Shame and self-hate aside.

Chrono Trigger – Part 21: Unsealed

Summary:Traveling across time unlocking sealed chests and seeing some of the consequences of my actions.

Chrono Trigger – Part 20: The Magic Kingdom

Summary: Jumped forward to 12,000 BC. Ice Age and the Kingdom of Zeal. A paradise powered by Satan the Hedgehog. Magus and the “Prophet” sowing discord. Schala and Janus.

Coldrun Fitness - April 29, 2016

Didn't track yesterday.  Updating my food log as I go through the day to hold myself accountable. Will add to it later in the day.

Going to try to not go over 2600 calories today.

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Food Log

• Hershey nuggets. (250 cal)
• Iced skim chai. (210 cal)
• 4oz. cheeseburger with mayo, sweet potato fries with ketchup. (1,150 cal)

Total calories:

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Lost track.  Didn't complete the day. Binged.

Coldrun Fitness - April 27, 2016

Summary: Just continued ongoing quests today.  Tomorrow, will review the workout initiation stuff for Nerd Fitness Academy.

Chrono Trigger – Part 19: Deep Impact

Summary: Ayla mounts a daring rescue into the heart of Reptite territory, flying to Tyrano Lair. Rescues her people. Fights through, defeats Queen Azala and her lieutenants. Victory over Azala’s reptites is more bittersweet than expected. Lavos arrives.

Coldrun Fitness - April 26, 2016: Nutrition

Summary: Thinking through my approach to the Nerd Fitness Academy leveling system.  Active quest log.  Binge day, but an honest one.  Optimistic about tomorrow.

Chrono Trigger – Part 18: Summoning Circle

Summary: Took on Magus, but didn’t stop whatever ritual he was working on (most likely summoning Lavos). Brief stop in some weird time where Marle and Crono are together, then back to 65,000,000 BC.

Coldrun Fitness - April 25, 2016: Mindset

Going through Nerd Fitness Academy's initial mindset elements.  Starting measurements.  Investigating my reasons.  Initial goal setting.  Environmental change.

Chrono Trigger – Part 17: You Know They Got a Hell of a Band

Summary: Fighting through the Magic Cave and Magus’s Lair. Taking down Magus’s lieutenants. Slash. Ozzie. <3 <3 <3 FLEA FLEA FLEA FLEA FLEA FLEA FLEA <3 <3 <3

Coldrun Fitness - April 24, 2016

Home from spending the holiday with my family.  Feeling calmer and better going forward after a really brutal, self-hating, self-destructive period.

I've decided to go a bit retro.  Rejoining Nerd Fitness Academy ("NFA"). 

Hiatus - Fitness/FF Update

On vacation, and away from my computer from today (Thursday morning) until Sunday night. Loving Chrono Trigger deeply so far, and will return to it when I get home.  Final Fantasy IX afterwards.

I wrote before about a cycle I go through, one that has led to me not losing weight in any long term way for years:

1) Frustration and anxiety and anger about my body.
2) Plan out habit changes to lose weight.
3) Enact habit changes.
4) Stress and anxiety and restlessness builds as I adapt badly to the change in habits.
5) Begin gradually to fall back into old habits.
6) Quit.
7) Frustration and anxiety and anger about my body.

Today through Sunday, my main fitness goal is going to be twofold:

1) Track what I eat and when I eat it.
2) Try to not hate myself.  Try to watch when I feel guilty, when I feel angry and anxious and ashamed of myself, and just let it go.  Don't fight it, but be aware of it when it happens.  Aware that it's not helpful. Try to slip away from it.


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See you in a few days.

CR

Chrono Trigger – Part 16: A Frog’s Tale

Summary: HAHAHAHA FUCKING YESSSSS BEST PART OF THE GAME SO FAR OR BEST PART OF THE GAME SO FAR????

Chrono Trigger – Part 15: Lizard and Ape

Summary: Into the lair of the Reptites. Goodbye (for now – please, just for now!) to Ayla. Reforging Masamune.

Coldrun Fitness - April 19, 2016 [complete]

TW: discussion of mental health

I've been thinking a lot about the past two years of late, and body and weight.  About the rut I've been stuck in over the long haul.

Tried seeing a counselor very recently, and yesterday had two diagnoses confirmed.  Major depression and ADHD.

Chrono Trigger – Part 14: Got Me on My Knees, Ayla

Summary: Brief visit with Frog. Traveled back to pre-history. Met the mighty, confident, radiant Chief Ayla. Party, theft, barter.

Chrono Trigger – Part 13: Masa, Mune

Summary: Visit to Chez Frog. Ascended the Denadoro Mountains and recovered the broken Masamune.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 7 [in progress]

Binged yesterday.

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I want to talk about body acceptance.  I don't understand it.

I hear that you're supposed to accept your body and be happy with it.  I'm fine feeling this way about other people, staying away from overt fatphobia.  This is America in 2016, and it'd be raw hubris to say I'm immune from making unconscious judgments of others.  I'd love for that to be the case, but I exist within a fatphobic culture.  Denying its influence on me is dishonest and unhelpful.

Still, it's easy to fight judgments of other bodies compared to judgments of my own.  I hate my body.  I hate what it's become, what it feels like, what it looks like.  It brings me shame and embarrassment.  I'm visiting family later this week, and thought of having to... I dunno, "present myself" and try subtly sucking in my gut even though it won't matter or make me look any thinner makes me sweat.

I'm ashamed of having GAINED weight after losing a lot since the last time I saw them, and having to prepare my weight-gain elevator speech if it comes up. "Yeah, went off track a little bit, but doing a bit better now!"  And I know they love me and don't really care about my weight, and I hate that it matters so much to me anyway.

---

Which brings me back to acceptance.  There are two competing ideas in my mind that I don't know how to bring into harmony with each other:

1) I should accept my body.

2) I want to lose weight and become fitter.

How the hell am I supposed to accept myself if I want to change myself?  How does this work?

Note: this is not a rhetorical question.  I don't intend to say, "therefore weight loss is a pointless goal" or "therefore body acceptance is a pointless goal."  I believe there's a way to square the two.  I just don't know how.

---

I've observed a cycle over the last two years of Coldrun Fitness.  (Two years over the course of which I've lost a net total close to zero pounds.)

1) Frustration and anxiety and anger about my body.
2) Plan out habit changes to lose weight.
3) Enact habit changes.
4) Stress and anxiety and restlessness builds as I adapt badly to the change in habits.
5) Begin gradually to fall back into old habits.
6) Quit.
7) Frustration and anxiety and anger about my body.

It's a vicious cycle.  It feels tied to body acceptance and shame.

I don't know how to make it stop.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 5 [complete]

Strong day. Great morning walk to/from diner.

Chrono Trigger – Part 12: Medieval Times

Summary: Brief stop in 1,000 AD before exploring the western continent of 600 AD. Fighting the forces of Magus. Rumor of the brat/hero, Tata.


1,000 AD – Medina Village and Surrounding Areas

-Came back here to explore a bit before heading back to 600.

-The town square that used to just have a save point now has eerie chanting.

-There’s a statue of “Sir Magus” in the middle.

The monsters marching around the statue and chanting mention the coming doom of Lavos. I’m guessing we’ve found our Big Bad for the game in Sir Magus.

-Strangely enough, Sir Magus looks to be human.

-No change in Melchior’s dialogue or most of the town’s.

-The Forest Ruins is a small area.

One treasure chest that gave me a Mid Ether, and a huge glowing blue pyramid that protects a platform.

---

600 AD – Kingdom of Guardia

-The “Chosen One” has appeared wearing a Hero’s Medal. I’m guessing that’s Sir Cyrus having returned.

-A battle is being fought on the bridge to the south with Magus.

-The king was wounded in battle. I could either head to the bridge for the battle (perhaps it’s even a big bridge?), but would rather see the king first and the hero at the castle.

-Feels nice to visit the castle again and be warmly welcomed, not chased away.

-Castle is bustling, trying to nurse the king back to health and simultaneously get food to the front lines.

-Huh. I was wrong. The hero is a boy, not Cyrus. That boy (hell, for all I know maybe it’s a version of Crono from elsewhere in the timestream) is currently searching the southern continent for a sword to defeat Magus. Sounds like we have a new destination.

-Went to the Zenaan Bridge. There’s clearly a fight happening there, but I can’t get past to join. The Knight Captain mentions needing food again, so I head back to the castle to talk to the chef again.

-Success. The Chef gives me some food – Jerky, lol – to take to the Knight Captain, his brother.

---

Zenaan Bridge

-This is a small thing, but I love it. It’s a feuding but warm relationship that the game is developing between two (apparently at the moment) minor characters, the Knight Captain and the Chef.

It’s not front-and-center, it’s not about saving the world, just two side characters. Adds such flavor and depth.

-Magus’s forces break through and the Knight Captain gives a pretty badass speech. He’s awesome.

-Hey, it’s General Ozzie, the ancestor of Elder Ozzie in 1,000 AD.

-Continuing to push her and her undead army across the bridge…

-At the end, she has a bunch of her skeletons Voltron together into Zombor. Boss time!

-Zombor has two parts – legs and head. Took out the legs first, then the floating skeleton torso. Not too bad, and the magic we have access to really messes him up. Robo Tackle obliterates him too. Love that tech!

---

Sandorino Village

-There’s a town here. I was expecting it to be a monster town, but I shouldn’t be surprised that it’s a human town. Magus must be housed on the central continent and have invaded from there.

-A “Headman” wants someone named Toma to find a mythical Rainbow Shell. He sounds pretty confident and walks off. The Rainbow Shell can be used to construct reflective anti-magic armor.

-The sword that the hero is looking for is Masamune.

-hahahaha - Magus’s generals are Ozzie, Slash, and Flea. Team Magus knows how to rock.

-His lair is in an inaccessibly high place to the east.

-Toma is drinking in the bar. Hee! He tells us that “creepy, dangerous frogs” have taken over the woods to the south.

-EnergyWhirls dissipate with Slash. Guessing that’s an enemy coming up.

-The Hero is from Porre.

-The Masamune was made hundreds of years ago. I wonder if we’ll have to go back to 0 AD to find it.

-Masamune lies in Denadoro Mountains. Someone tells me to burn the weapons of the goblins in those mountains, so that must be a way of saying they’re weak to fire.

---

Fiona’s Villa

-Small house between Sandorino and Porre. One woman inside. I’ll take a stab in the dark and say she’s Fiona.

-Her husband, Marco, is at war. It’s their job to guard the nearby woods. What are they guarding? Why are they guarding it? How? Why them? We’ll probably find out later.

-Went east afterwards to a small mountain, “Magic Cave.”

It’s too magic for me as it just looks like a cliff-face at the moment. Can’t find the entrance.

---

Porre

-Bought some Gold Suits and Berets for upgrades.

-A woman at the Elder’s House in town wants to buy my Jerky for 10,000g. I have the option to sell it to her or give it away. I’ll choose to give it away. Better chance for something awesome to happen.

-Nothing immediate happens, but she says she’ll teach her kids the value of sharing. Perhaps they’ll get like a billion gold and share it with me later, or Excalibur or something. (That might even lure Gilgamesh into Chrono Trigger, which’d be awesome.)

-The kid with the Hero’s Medal is named Tata. People here think he’s searching for the legendary sword up north. There’s not too much north of here – perhaps in the Magic Cave.

-The magic cave is east of Denadoro.

-Frog came by recently! Yay! Mumbling about Masamune and Queen Leene.

-Tata has a reputation as a brat.

-Toma again! He tracked down the Rainbow Shell. It’s on a small island, he’s just not sure which one.

-The magic cave has a secret lever that opens the cliff wall.

---

Next time: into the Cursed Woods. I feel some regrets in hindsight about the Jerky. Like, she mentioned that she’d use it to cook, so maybe I should’ve waited around for her to finish the meal.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 4 [complete]

Day started in the danger zone, finished solidly.  Basketball!

Chrono Trigger – Part 11: Descendants of Magus

Summary: Back to 1,000 AD to Medina Village and the central continent. Slayed Heckran, got the next clue as to the origins of Lavos.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 3 [complete]

Solid day!  Rode my bike for the first time since the fall.  Felt great.

Chrono Trigger – Part 10: To Extremes

Summary: Exploring the end of time, with brief stops in pre-history and the Day of Lavos.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 2 [complete]

A change I've been trying out: eating without doing anything else.  Just eating.  Not reading while eating, not watching LPs on YouTube, not gaming.  So far I notice that it slows me down considerably.  We'll see how it goes.

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Fitness Log

• Breakfast: Two Eggo waffles with light maple syrup.  Banana.  Orange juice. (500 cal)
• Lunch: Chipotle burrito bowl with brown rice, half steak/half shredded beef, vegetables, salsa, cheese, guacamole. (880 cal)
• 12:45pm: Anxious, restless.
• Snack: Chocolate chip cookie. (300 cal)
• Walked about 30 minutes.  
• Snack: Peanut butter and jelly sandwich. (380 cal)
• Dinner: Two boiled hot dogs, mashed potatoes, and small vanilla frozen yogurt. (580 cal)

Total calories: 2,640

Chrono Trigger – Part 9: That Old Gang of Mine

Summary: Fighting through the factory to open the Gate to the past. Robo sees some old friends and learns about his former role. More pain and feels than I would've expected regarding Robo.

Chrono Trigger – Part 8: My Robot Friend

Summary: Hey there, have you heard about my robot friend? They’re metal and small and don’t judge me at all. They’re a cyber-wire bundle of joy.

Chrono Trigger – Part 7: End in Fire

Summary: Exploring the Arris Dome. Witnessing the Day of Lavos.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 1 [complete]

I woke up this morning so angry with myself.  Frustrated with myself.  But that's not a helpful feeling.  I mean, it is helpful, but only in a short-term way.  It's not sustainable.  So let me try not being angry or frustrated at myself for past failures around my weight and body and fitness.

I forgive myself.  I am what I am. That's okay.

But the anger is still there.  Maybe that's okay too.  Just won't direct it at myself.

Just so bored of being this same general weight, this 240-260 range (currently 254.4 as of this morning).  So fuck that.

I'm dropping to 190.  Soon.

It'll be satisfying, frustrating, enraging, joyful, all these things.  They're all okay.  I'll deal with them.

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Fitness Log

• Walked 3.91 miles in 1:35:51 this morning.
• Breakfast: Sesame bagel with light plain cream cheese.  Skim chocolate milk. (640 cal)
• Lunch: Chipotle burrito bowl with white rice, steak, vegetables, salsa, cheese, guacamole. (830 cal)
• Snack: Iced skim chai tea latte. (150 cal)
• 3:50pm: Feeling hungry, anxious. 
• Walked 3.81 miles in 1:20:17.  Tired and hungry.
• Snack: Frosted Flakes with skim milk.  Some Triscuits. (250 cal) 
• Two sets of push-ups (10, 8) and planking (25 seconds each).
• Macaroni and cheese.  Vanilla frozen yogurt with blueberries. (780 cal)

Total calories: 2,650

Coldrun Fitness - April 11, 2016

I've been really struggling of late.  Depressed, ashamed, self-hating.  Things were going well up until Easter, I hit a bump, and have been sliding since.  Lost all progress of late.  Back up to the low 250s.

Missing something.

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Diet

• Two Eggo waffles with light maple syrup, orange juice, banana. (510 cal)
• Triscuits. (160 cal)
• Chipotle burrito bowl with white rice, half steak/half shredded beef, vegetables, salsa, cheese, guacamole. (930 cal)
• Skim hot chocolate. (210 cal) [1,810 so far]

Total calories: [IN PROGRESS]

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Exercise

[IN PROGRESS]

Chrono Trigger – Part 6: Apocalypse Later

Summary: Crono breaks out of jail, rescued by Lucca and Marle. They escape into a post-apocalyptic wasteland in the future.

Chrono Trigger – Part 5: People v. Crono

Summary: Crono, Marle, and Lucca return to 1,000 AD. A less-than-warm welcome at Guardia Castle. Crono on trial.

Coldrun Fitness - Preparation for April 7, 2016

Planning tomorrow's fitness:

Diet

• 3/4 cup of Cocoa Krispies with 3/4 cup of skim milk. (300 cal)
• Apple. (100 cal)
• Peanut butter and jelly on wheat bread, bottled mocha frappuccino, and pretzels. (660 cal)
• 16 oz. iced skim chai tea latte. (200 cal)
• Macaroni and cheese.  3/4 cup of rocky road. (900 cal)

Total calories: 2,160

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Exercise

Walk 30+ minutes.
Two sets of push-ups and planking.

Chrono Trigger – Part 4: Attack of the Nuns!

Summary: Invaded Yakra’s cathedral. Freed Queen Leene from the clutches of the evil yak monster and his army of snake nuns. I feel blessed to write that sentence.

Chrono Trigger – Part 3: The Line of Leene

Summary: Back in the Middle Ages. A queen who isn’t what she seems, a cathedral that isn’t what it seems. “Marle” and Lucca.

Chrono Trigger – Part 2: Fair Day

Summary: A day at the fair like any other. Playing games, betting on races, drinking soda, making friends (hi, Marle!), mystic portal to parts unknown.

Chrono Trigger – Part 1: Start the Clock

A new game. And not a Final Fantasy game wtffff!!?!?!?! Final Fantasy IX is next on my list. It’s coming out on Steam “early 2016.” Rather than refreshing the Steam game page every two minutes or emulating it or playing it on mobile, I decided to do an unspoiled non-FF game in the interim. 





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Summary: Learning the basics of the game and the world as Crono in the kingdom of Guardia.
 

FFVIII – Part 84: Boko's World

Summary: Tried out the FFVIII Chocobo World minigame. Cool and fun premise, mind-crushingly boring gameplay.

FFVIII – Part 83: Draw to a Close

Summary: Final thoughts on Final Fantasy VIII.

FFVIII – Part 82: I Will Follow You into the Dark

Summary: The end. Adrenaline, terror, joy, tragedy, friendship, beauty, love, wonder. Connection. The circle closes. I’m a mess.

FFVIII – Part 81: Ultimate Victory

Summary: YESSSSSS! Unlocked my limit breaks, adjusted my party. A nail-biting victory over Ultimecia. I’m barely coherent, though I provide some after-the-fact translation for the panicked keyboard smashes.

FFVIII – Part 80: Ultimate Failure

Summary: I fight Ultimecia. A lot. It doesn’t go well. Progress coupled with the abyss of frustration and defeat.

FFVIII – Part 79: Unsealing Power

Summary: Continuing my exploration of Ultimecia Castle. Clearing out many of the bosses to unlock my sealed power, with one mini-boss I haven’t found left. Oh, and one terrifying chapel-dweller.

FFVIII – Part 78: Gallery Hours

Summary: The first session exploring Ultimecia Castle. Special focus on the art gallery puzzle.

Coldrun Fitness - Project Redux: Day 12/33

Project Redux is my attempt to get back on track by copying my eating and exercise from five successful weeks in late 2015.

Today, copying Day 119.  Tomorrow will be Day 120.

FFVIII – Part 77: World on Lockdown

Summary: Short session where I set foot into Ultimecia Castle, savor the music, and then unsuccessfully try exploring this new time-compressed world.

FFVIII – Part 76: Succession of Witches

Summary: Killed Adel (after a few tries) and then experienced the surreal trip that is time compression. Fought of sorceresses from across time. Arrived at a floating Castlevania.

Coldrun Fitness - Project Redux: Day 11/33

Project Redux is my attempt to get back on track by copying my eating and exercise from five successful weeks in late 2015.

Today, copying Day 118.  Tomorrow will be Day 119.

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Weight: 244.4 (-7.6 lbs from start of project)

Coldrun Fitness - Project Redux: Day 10/33

Project Redux is my attempt to get back on track by copying my eating and exercise from five successful weeks in late 2015.

Today, copying Day 117.  Tomorrow will be Day 118.

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Weight: 245.6 (-6.4 lbs from start of project)

FFVIII – Part 75: Greatest Interdimensional Hero

Summary: Exploration of Tears’ Point, then the L. Pandora. Rescued Ellone from Seifer with the help of some old friends in Fujin and Raijin, and ultimately an even older friend. Polka dot pants and all.

Wildstar - Level 17: Alpha Sanctum

Summary: Trying out a slightly new leveling strategy.  Alpha Sanctum expedition.  Galeras leveling.

Coldrun Fitness - Project Redux: Day 9/33

Project Redux is my attempt to get back on track by copying my eating and exercise from five successful weeks in late 2015.

Today, copying Day 116.  Tomorrow will be Day 117.

FFVIII – Part 74: President Loire

Summary: Met with the delightful government of Esthar. Backstory on the Laguna trio and Ellone. Odine briefs us on next steps.

Coldrun Fitness - Project Redux: Day 8/33

Project Redux is my attempt to get back on track by copying my eating and exercise from five successful weeks in late 2015.

Today, copying/adapting Day 115.  Tomorrow will be Day 116.

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I really disliked having to adapt my eating today.  Made things much harder and amplified the temptation to binge.  Proud that I decided not to binge.  The toughest part was the trip home from work.  Strong temptation to get chicken nuggets or some kind of fast food and just say "screw it."  Resisted it, got home, had some crackers, and was back on track.

Looking forward to pure copying tomorrow.

FFVIII – Part 73: Though It Bring Tragedy

Summary: Broke Rinoa out of confinement. Regrouped at Edea’s. Squall and Rinoa relationship development. (Some) Edea backstory. A session both joyful and forboding.

Wildstar - Level 16: Needlefern Grove

Summary: The Outpost M-13 expedition.  Finished up in Celestion.  Saw the Exile capital, Thayd.  Housing!

Coldrun Fitness - Project Redux: Day 7/33

Project Redux is my attempt to get back on track by copying my eating and exercise from five successful weeks in late 2015.

Today, copying Day 114.  Tomorrow will be Day 115.  I'll have to adapt to two cases:

1) Going out to lunch with someone at a place to be determined (not Chipotle), so will try to order something that feels around 890 cal.

2) The vegetables, hummus, and Dumdum I ate on Day 115 were lying around my workplace at the time, leftover from some event.  Instead, I'll bring in some pretzels to snack on in the afternoon.

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Weight: 246.6 (-5.4 lbs from start of project)

FFVIII – Part 72: Whistleblower

Summary: Some chocobo forest progress. Met a shadowy figure in the water and travelled to Dollet.

Coldrun Fitness - Project Redux: Day 6/33

Project Redux is my attempt to get back on track by copying my eating and exercise from five successful weeks in late 2015.

Today, copying Day 113.  Tomorrow will be Day 114.

Coldrun Fitness - Project Redux: Day 5/33

Project Redux is my attempt to get back on track by copying my eating and exercise from five successful weeks in late 2015.

Today, copying Day 77.  End of the first Redux week.  I plateaued in the weeks that followed Day 77, so starting tomorrow, we skip ahead!  To Day 113.

Weight: 247.0 (-5.0 lbs from start of project)

FFVIII – Part 71: Open Hand

Summary: Some world wandering leads us to the Shumi Village.

Coldrun Fitness - Project Redux: Day 4/33

Project Redux is my attempt to get back on track by copying my eating and exercise from five successful weeks in late 2015.

Today, copying Day 76.  Tomorrow will be Day 77.

Weight: 247.8 (-4.2 lbs from start of project)

Coldrun Fitness - Project Redux: Day 3/33

Project Redux is my attempt to get back on track by copying my eating and exercise from five successful weeks in late 2015.

Today, copying Day 75.  Tomorrow will be Day 76.

Weight: 247.8 (-4.2 lbs from start of project)

Coldrun Fitness - Project Redux: Day 2/33

Project Redux is my attempt to get back on track by copying my eating and exercise from five successful weeks in late 2015.

Today, copying Day 74.  Tomorrow will be Day 75.

Weight: 250.8 (-1.2 lbs from start of project)

FFVIII – Part 70: Mustache of Glory

Summary: Reunion on the Ragnarok. Met an old friend in the Esthar desert.

FFVIII – Part 69: Love in the Time of Shoggoths

Summary: Cleared monsters off the Ragnarok. Significant relationship development between Squall and Rinoa, with some back-and-forth thoughts on how one-sided it may or may not be. And by “Rinoa” I mean “Sorceress Rinoa” WTFFFFFFF

Coldrun Fitness - Project Redux: Day 1/33

Project Redux is my attempt to get back on track by copying my eating and exercise from five successful weeks in late 2015.

Today, copying Day 73.  Tomorrow will be Day 74. 

Weight: 252.0 lbs

FFVIII – Part 68: Out of Gas

Summary: The early terror of the Lunar Cry and our first look at Ultimecia gives way to a quiet beauty. Rinoa saved. Had a kind of poetry to it, sir.

Coldrun Fitness - Project Redux

I've been struggling.  More than that - in a kind of free-fall.  Keep trying out new things, giving up, trying out other new things, giving up.  Haven't weighed in of late due to overwhelming feelings of shame and helplessness.  Best guess: 251-252 lbs.

Going to try something old.

I've succeeded before.  There were five weeks in late 2015, between October through early December, where I successfully navigated from the low 250s to the high 230s.  They weren't consecutive weeks, but among those few months there were five notably successful weeks.

I'm going to copy those five weeks starting tomorrow.  I'll eat exactly what I ate on those days/weeks.  Use my best self as the role model.

This will be a unique attempt in Coldrun Gaming history in that it's limited.  Tomorrow won't be day 1/infinity; it will be day 1/33.

First up for tomorrow: day 72.

FFVIII – Part 67: Cry Havoc

Summary: A light-hearted and fun romp through space. Then not. The Lunar Cry begins.
TW: minor nightmare fuel/body horror

FFVIII – Part 66: The Pandora Opens

Summary: Squall, Rinoa, and Quistis launch off into space. A huge monolith that the Galbadians dug up flies over Esthar. Zell, Irvine, and Edea try to board and stop it. They are successful in the former task, unsuccessful in the latter.

FFVIII – Part 65: Tomorrowland

Summary: Laguna, Kiros, and Ward rescue Ellone. I spend way too long gawking at the innovative beauty of Esthar.

FFVIII – Part 64: Salt Lake City

Summary: Breakthrough! The team sets out on a journey together, crossing a dried up salt lake and arriving in Esthar.

Coldrun Fitness - March 6, 2016

FFVIII – Part 63: Ghosts of Winhill

Summary: A trip to the White Ship, and then to the more and less legitimately haunted pastoral paradise of Winhill.

FFVIII – Part 62: No Country for Any Men

Summary: Wandering the barren landscape of Esthar. Some chocobo forest puzzles break up the relentless monotony.

FFVIII – Part 61: Forest of Rage

Summary: Attempting to play the chocobo forest mini game puts me in a bad mood this session. May have found the Cactuar. The White Ship.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 10

Solid week last week.  Not having a computer at home really threw my life off and I didn't adapt well.  Lost my routine, ended up binging the last few days, but I'm back.

All I can do now is try to eat about 2,500 calories today, tomorrow, and Saturday, and see where weight is on Sunday.  Probably nowhere good. But that's okay too.

Decided to try putting a bit of a timer on things: wherever I'm at by July 1st with weight, I want to start fencing again then.

[posting this at the start of the day to help keep myself accountable, to avoid a scenario where the day goes well and a last minute binge throws it all away.]

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12:15pm:  Back from lunch.  1,630 calories down, full with a good lunch.  870 calories to go.

Current plan is to work until around 3:30pm then go to a nearby coffee store to get a skim chai tea latte, 150 calories.  I'll then have a bowl of soup I made at home for dinner with Fritos, and that'll be that.

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4:35pm:  Had a small hot chocolate (270 calories) around 3:45pm.  Looking forward to dinner tonight, and then keeping my mind off eating until bed.

FFVIII – Part 60: Centra Exploration

Summary: Brief foray to the past as the Galbadian Trio take on some Ruby Dragons. Direction from Edea. Odin. ZANTETSUKEN!

FFVIII – Part 59: The Once and Future Sorceress

Summary: I get angry at Triple Triad. Chocobo hunting. Matron Edea at the orphanage. A new name enters the fray: Ultimecia.

Technical Difficulties

My home computer broke down.  A tech is coming out this week.  If this is an easy fix, then should be back up and running soon.  If it's a more serious problem, then... well, we'll see.

My Coldrun Fitness posts will simply be delayed until I get computer access, so probably will go up a day or two after I've completed that day of eating and exercise.

The Final Fantasy playthrough will depend.  My working plan depends on the scenarios I face:

1) If the computer is back up quickly, I'll be back to it!

2) If the computer is back up quickly but I have to replace a hard drive, I'll take a break from posting as I replay FF8 to get back to where I left off.  (Though it's Steam, so maybe it saves my progress to the cloud.  Dunno.)

3) If the computer is down for the long haul (~1.5-2 months?) and I need a new one, I may do a
replay of one of my prior FF games on mobile, writing up some of the differences I see, thoughts on replay, etc.

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Anyway, thanks for your patience and your readership.  Hopefully I'll get this cleared up soon.

FFVIII – Part 58: Knightfall

Summary: Quistis, Squall, and Rinoa infiltrate the Galbadia Garden. They confront Edea and Seifer. They defeat them. Then things happen.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 3

Around 8:30pm, felt very hungry.  Compromised with myself.  Didn't binge.  Had a small cup of Special K, adding on about 100 cal.

Wildstar - Level 15: Mining the Godwood

Summary: The competing tactics of the Mordesh and Aurin.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 2

Down to 2,500 today.  Happy about it. 

I ate a Snickers mid-morning because I was hungry.  For tomorrow, I'll try spacing things out a bit better and not eating between breakfast and lunch.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 1: Back to Basics

I've continually spiraled down.  My solutions have become more and more restrictive and convoluted, solutions which I've ignored and put off.  It's a nasty cycle and I want it to stop.

Last week, I created an elaborate new plan to "fix" different parts of my life.  I wrote about 20-25 pages of plans and goals and tracking and milestones and tasks.  I felt excited!  I had a clear and elaborate plan to execute.  The next day, my task list had 16 items.  I did 8 of them by mid-afternoon and just felt drained.  Exhausted. "I have to do another day of this?  Week?  Year?"  I responded by binging again that evening.

That was the last straw.  More after the jump.

FFVIII – Part 57: Clash of the Gardens

Summary: Open war between the Balamb and Galbadia Gardens.

Wildstar - Level 14: A Mind Divided

Summary: Met the Caretaker - both aspects - and took out some Dominion intelligence.

[Pace note: levels are taking longer as more stuff unlocks, so I'll be releasing these on a Tuesday/Thursday (and occasionally Saturday) schedule instead of Monday/Wednesday/Friday.]

FFVIII – Part 56: Orphans

Summary: Where I find myself unable to remotely begin to even. The backstory short-circuited me.

FFVIII – Part 55: RAGE

Summary: Squall, Zell, and Rinoa dock in Galbadian-occupied Balamb. Drive out some familiar faces in the Galbadian captain and commander.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 21

Yesterday morning started off well, then binged.  Found myself with lots of time on my hands (on vacation this week) and didn't refill my to-do list.  Got restless, antsy, overate.

Made it three days without a binge.  Let's see I can hit four.

FFVIII – Part 54: Musical Interlude

Summary: Fun musical interlude. Wonderfully awkward/honest conversation between Rinoa and Squall.

Wildstar - Level 13: Trade Kills

Summary: A new matria is crowned in Sylvan Glade.  Robot taxi drivers.  OVERWHELMED BY TRADESKILLS.