Coldrun Fitness - Day 157

Coldrun Fitness - Day 156

Another good day.  Building some momentum.

I'm super worried about momentum this week.  I don't want to slip more.  Spent the last day trying to think of ways not just to eat better, but to deal with some stressors that could cause me to regress.  One of those stressors is the belief that I have to eat unusually little, which just puts my focus on eating and what I don't have and makes me binge.

So for this week, I won't use the caloric debt system.  I'll probably come back to that eventually, but if I eat too much one day, I'll just bring my focus back to eating in balance rather than trying to "make up" for the bad day.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 155

End of week #22 weight: 242.8 lbs
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End of week #21 weight: 236.8 lbs
End of week #20 weight: 239.8 lbs
End of week #19 weight: 239.6 lbs
End of week #18 weight: 242.0 lbs
End of week #17 weight: 243.8 lbs 
End of week #16 weight: 247.8 lbs
End of week #15 weight: 246.6 lbs
End of week #14 weight: 248.2 lbs
End of week #13 weight: 248.2 lbs
End of week #12 weight: 250.8 lbs
End of week #11 weight: 249.4 lbs
End of week #10 weight: 251.8 lbs
End of week #9 weight: 255.2 lbs
End of week #8 weight: 257.8 lbs
End of week #7 weight: 258.6 lbs
End of week #6 weight: 256.4 lbs
End of week #5 weight: 260.0 lbs
End of week #4 weight: 262.0 lbs
End of week #3 weight: 262.4 lbs
End of week #2 weight: 265.0 lbs
End of week #1 weight: 268.2 lbs
Start of week #1 weight: 275.2 lbs

FFVIII – Part 25: When We Were Young

Summary: Finished my tour of Timber, visiting various families, train stations, the hotel, and magazine offices. Saw near unanimous sympathy for the Forest Owls among the townspeople. More of Squall’s defining character traits: jerkhood and boredom.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 154 (Notes on this week's absence)

This was a strange week.

I fell back into my old eating habits of pure binging, always eating out and getting junk food from the local gas station, and never feeling remotely hungry.  At first, I made excuses like, "I can fast one day and make up for it," or "It's just a brief thing," but it became a pattern.

Odd, how easy it was to slip back into that.  Never been good at coping with stress, and this was my primary method.  Felt lonely and frustrated and ashamed and restless.

The week is thankfully over.  Probably gained 4-5 pounds.  (Yes, it was that bad.)  But my progress over the past 154 days wasn't lost just with one bad week.  A setback, and one that'll take a couple of weeks to recover from.

When I weigh in tomorrow, I'll try to not freak out, even though it'll probably be closer to 141 lbs.  Chill, move on.

I'm not a piece of shit.  I'm not.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 151

9:00am: Not feeling it the last couple of days.  Ignoring personal responsibilities, to-do lists that have served me well, and just...  It's hard to say.  Feeling like I don't care.

It'll pass I hope.

Gave up on tracking food yesterday and binged.  About 3,300 cal.  I doubt I'll "pay off" my caloric debt this week, but I'm less worried about that now.  Going to try getting things under control, to put myself into a position where I can steal some success.

Posting this early and tracking as I go today.  That usually encourages me to track accurately when this feeling hits.  It encourages me to care.

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12:30pm: Calling it a day.  Ate a big lunch, and I think I'll try to leave it at that.  Water and soda the rest of today.

Haven't given up hope on still losing weight this week, and actually feeling okay at the moment.  If I can push through today, I'll be able to make up a lot of lost ground the next few days by staying at the manageable 1,900-2,000 cal range.


Caloric debt (start of day): 2,200 
Caloric debt (end of day): 1,280

Coldrun Fitness - Day 149

A binge day.  No way to state it other than that.  It happens.  I can do better.

Feeling unfocused.  Will work tomorrow to refocus.

Caloric debt: 1,090

Coldrun Fitness - Day 148

End of week #21 weight: 236.8 lbs
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End of week #20 weight: 239.8 lbs
End of week #19 weight: 239.6 lbs
End of week #18 weight: 242.0 lbs
End of week #17 weight: 243.8 lbs 
End of week #16 weight: 247.8 lbs
End of week #15 weight: 246.6 lbs
End of week #14 weight: 248.2 lbs
End of week #13 weight: 248.2 lbs
End of week #12 weight: 250.8 lbs
End of week #11 weight: 249.4 lbs
End of week #10 weight: 251.8 lbs
End of week #9 weight: 255.2 lbs
End of week #8 weight: 257.8 lbs
End of week #7 weight: 258.6 lbs
End of week #6 weight: 256.4 lbs
End of week #5 weight: 260.0 lbs
End of week #4 weight: 262.0 lbs
End of week #3 weight: 262.4 lbs
End of week #2 weight: 265.0 lbs
End of week #1 weight: 268.2 lbs
Start of week #1 weight: 275.2 lbs

Coldrun Fitness - Day 147

Solid finish to the week.  Feeling confident going into tomorrow's weigh-in.


Caloric debt remaining with the week finished: 30

Coldrun Fitness - Day 146

Ate pretty well today.  Cut into caloric debt.

Caloric debt: 310

Coldrun Fitness - Day 145

Someone gifted me a box of delicious holiday cookies.  150 cal each.  I go to them too easily, but haven't been splurging on them really.  Going to adjust by having two per day instead of 3-4.


Caloric debt: 480

Coldrun Fitness - Day 144

Ate more than usual, but didn't full-on binge.  Feeling okay.

Caloric debt: 410

Coldrun Fitness - Day 143

Coldrun Fitness - Day 142

Coldrun Fitness - Day 141

End of week #20 weight: 239.8 lbs
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End of week #19 weight: 239.6 lbs
End of week #18 weight: 242.0 lbs
End of week #17 weight: 243.8 lbs 
End of week #16 weight: 247.8 lbs
End of week #15 weight: 246.6 lbs
End of week #14 weight: 248.2 lbs
End of week #13 weight: 248.2 lbs
End of week #12 weight: 250.8 lbs
End of week #11 weight: 249.4 lbs
End of week #10 weight: 251.8 lbs
End of week #9 weight: 255.2 lbs
End of week #8 weight: 257.8 lbs
End of week #7 weight: 258.6 lbs
End of week #6 weight: 256.4 lbs
End of week #5 weight: 260.0 lbs
End of week #4 weight: 262.0 lbs
End of week #3 weight: 262.4 lbs
End of week #2 weight: 265.0 lbs
End of week #1 weight: 268.2 lbs
Start of week #1 weight: 275.2 lbs

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This was unexpected.  I thought I'd go up at least 1-2 pounds.

To borrow a phrase from Lafayette in Hamilton, I snatched a stalemate from the jaws of defeat.  I'll take it. (No, I didn't just survive the winter at Valley Forge, but I do enjoy the song!)

Coldrun Fitness - Day 140

Had a rough go of things earlier this week, but didn't give up and finished strong.  Some good days to couple with the bad this week.

Probably gained a couple of pounds this week, and I'm okay with that.  I didn't give up.  That's enough for now, say thankya.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 139

A better day.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 138

Overate, but didn't binge.  Made some good choices (like not getting fries with a burger or eating a bread when I didn't need it) and some bad choices (like eating a croissant in the morning, a cookie in the afternoon, or lots of pretzel nuggets in the evening).

I'm close.  If I had made a better choice one of those three times, I would've been fine.  Close.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 137

Yesterday was another binge day.  Didn't track, just ate and ate.

Been feeling awful about myself, and binge eating has historically been a way I dealt with it.  An old habit I tried on again the last couple of days.

But I've been here before on this journey from 275 lbs to 240 lbs.  It happens, and I know how to deal with it.  Two binge days means I won't lose weight this week, and probably will gain weight.  There's nothing to do about the past now.  It's the past.  My goal is to do as well as I can for the rest of the week.

Today, I'm publishing this Coldrun Fitness post early, and updating as I eat.  This should help allay the temptation to ignore tracking, to further slide and lose momentum.

Coldrun Fitness - Day 134

End of week #19 weight: 239.6 lbs
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End of week #18 weight: 242.0 lbs
End of week #17 weight: 243.8 lbs 
End of week #16 weight: 247.8 lbs
End of week #15 weight: 246.6 lbs
End of week #14 weight: 248.2 lbs
End of week #13 weight: 248.2 lbs
End of week #12 weight: 250.8 lbs
End of week #11 weight: 249.4 lbs
End of week #10 weight: 251.8 lbs
End of week #9 weight: 255.2 lbs
End of week #8 weight: 257.8 lbs
End of week #7 weight: 258.6 lbs
End of week #6 weight: 256.4 lbs
End of week #5 weight: 260.0 lbs
End of week #4 weight: 262.0 lbs
End of week #3 weight: 262.4 lbs
End of week #2 weight: 265.0 lbs
End of week #1 weight: 268.2 lbs
Start of week #1 weight: 275.2 lbs

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WOOHOO!  Welcome to the 230s!  Celebrated today by getting a new pair of jeans, one size smaller than I've been wearing.  (40x32 down from 42x32.)

On we go.