Less hopeful because I've given up on any sense of being "saved" by some hard process to follow, where if I do x, y, and z, I'll lose weight in the long-term. I just frankly don't believe it anymore. I don't buy it. Not sure whether that means I don't believe in the plans or trust myself to follow the plans - probably somewhere in the joining. I don't believe that I'm a good fit for hard-and-fast plans.
And yet I'm more hopeful than I've been in a long time. My shifting focus away from finding a path to follow has reduced my stress significantly. Less focus on extraneous stuff. I'm searching for what works for me.
This may all be bullshit. Very likely is. I'm just so tired of latching onto nine step plans or "do this one thing this week and next week move onto the next stage" and and and... it all just feels artificial.
What isn't? I don't know. Going to try feeling my way very slowly.
This is not what giving up looks like.
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Food Log
- 16 oz. iced skim decaf mocha. (200 cal)
- 9:30am: Starting to feel hungry, but I think it's okay to hold off eating until lunch. My lunch hour is pretty early, like 11am. Yeah, I'll hold off.
- Chipotle burrito bowl with white rice, little bit of black beans, vegetables, steak, mild salsa, cheese, guacamole. (900 cal)
- Bottled mocha frappuccino. (180 cal)
Had the frap right after Chipotle. Something sweet. 1,280 cal so far, which is okay.
I'd really like to make dinner at home tonight. Like... a baked potato with butter and a bowl of tomato bisque? Yeah. That sounds pretty good. Haven't baked a potato in a while so there's a chance it turns out horribly, but should be fairly straight forward.
- Binged in the evening. Pizza and candy.
