Summary: Pushing on in the Depths, we meet two new bosses and one old. A Ghost Train (a literal train that chases us from behind and throws its parts at us; oh, and it knows holy magic). Orthros, something that acts like the product of Gilgamesh mating with an octopus. And Ultima Weapon, from FFII: RoS. I have no idea how much farther these Depths go, or if it’s possible for things to get stranger.
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Depths – B15
-This seems more indoors, and less walking atop a starry nothingness, on this floor.
-Rest. It’s… wow, big group. It’s Edward, Edge, Rosa, and Cecil. Edward brings out his spy flowers. He hears something…
-WHAT
-He hears his people back in Damcyan. How is that possible?
-Things seem pretty apocalyptic on earth. Monster attacks, darkness, etc.
-Oh man. Why did the Whisperweed work again? Because the moon is just that close to crashing into the earth now. Yikes.
-Treasure chest with a “Monster-in-a-Box”: Malboro Menace. Surprisingly weak.
-Another dark crystal.
-…
Yeah.
-It’s a Ghost Train. Like, a choo-choo that died? I guess? A Ghost Train.
-Ok, like 30 parts ago I made a bad joke about how the ghosts of Tellah and Anna shipping Edward and Harley was a “ghost ship.” This is the game wreaking horrific vengeance on me for a terrible pun. I SAID I WAS SORRY, GAME!
-The Ghost Train is chasing me from behind. It throws wheels at me.
-This is just so bizarre.
-The train casts “Holy.” It hurts like hell, and so do the wheels it throws.
-Wait. So this is a Holy Ghost train? (I’m totally going to pun hell.)
-Victory!
-Afterwards, Rydia said she could hear the voices of the dead. CREEPY.
-Reward: Mutsunokami. A nice change from Excalipoor, because this turns Edge into a beast. Great katana.
-Another crystal! I’m not even going to guess what monster is going to pop out, but I’m going to predict it’s something I haven’t seen. Not Chaos or Dark Cloud or the Emperor from FFII or anything.
-I was right. Small comfort.
Final Fantasy really walks a fine line between terrifying and hilarious.
-It’s Orthros. The GOOFIEST looking octopus I have ever seen in my life. And I’ve seen Octomammoth.
-The music doesn’t help make him less goofy. It’s the Calcabrina music.
-Cecil attacks. Orthros: “Ugh! I hate muscle men!”
-I’m reasonably sure all these unknown bosses are from future Final Fantasy games. Maybe Orthros is like the steed/mount of Gilgamesh? Or maybe they’re good buddies who hang out, play Settlers of Catan together, meet for drinks after work, stuff like that.
-Now Orthros is hitting on Rosa and Rydia. “All very cute girls. My favorite kind! Eee!” GROSS. Thanks for that brief and horrifying image of Orthros/Rosa OTP fanfic that must somewhere lurk in the outer depths of the internet.
-Retaliates with constrict. That sucks.
-“Orthros has suddenly changed!” No outward change in Orthros’ sprite, but the music suddenly became regular boss music, and he start kicking my ass. Bad Breath on my party members, he gets HEALED by my fire attacks that previously damaged him, and then he cast Deluge to wipe me out. Dead.
-Dead again. And again.
-Attempt #4: Seems to retaliate hard to magic, so going melee only. And… he’s dead! Yay!
-Seriously, wtf Orthros. You were one of the hardest fights down here and you give me three gil and one point of experience. And a kitchen knife. Not a magical kitchen knife, not a kitchen knife that had been wielded by some ancient soldier in the fight against evil. A regular old kitchen knife.
-I keep getting attacked by “Deathgaze” now. Boss music! He’s fast, hits hard, and… retreats? Hm.
-Blood red crystal, a first for that color. Ruh-roh, Raggy.
-Hey, it’s something old this time!
Ultima.
-“Ultimate Weapon,” from Final Fantasy II: Rebirth of Souls!
-It can one shot players with “Crush.”
-Leviathan doesn’t even help much here.
-Come on, Asura, heal us… Dammit. Not “Raise,” I said “Heal”!!!
-Please, Asura…. FINALLY YOU HEALED US, BLESS YOUR FICKLE HEART. Sylph is more reliable for a group heal, but much weaker.
-How much health does Ultima Weapon have? A metric ton it seems.
-Finally dead. Not too tough, but seriously beefy.
-Reward: Ultima Weapon! The monster in sword form I suppose, equippable by Cecil. It’s awesome. No kitchen knife or Excalipoor from you, you beautiful behemoth monster thingy!
-Deathgaze keeps attacking and retreating. When he doesn’t retreat, I have to retreat because he whomps me hard.
-Found another crystal on the floor, but it’s “unresponsive.” Hm.
-Moving on.
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Next time: Down down down…
