Furious. Just so fucking mad right now. Threw my keys, threw books, punched my bed a few times, slammed doors.
I did an evening weigh-in just out of curiosity and came in at 260.4 lbs. I shouldn't have even checked my weight, since I always weigh in on Sundays and in the morning, so it's not apples to apples. But still. I hadn't done that badly this week! I worked out and went for walks and mostly stayed in my calorie range.
I feel like I'm going backwards, like it's never going to get better in the long run and I'm always going to be this same fat and ugly fuck I am now.
I'm not looking for comments or reassurance or "Don't worry, you've been doing really well!" or anything like that. I'm sure that in the cool light of the morning I'll feel better, and know that if I stick to my plan then in 4-5 weeks I'll be in the low 250s or high 240s if I'm lucky which would be awesome.
Just needed to vent. The hopelessness I feel now is just as much a part of me and this process as any pride I felt in small successes. I don't want to ignore it.
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Diet
- 1.5 slices of cold pizza, finishing off my leftovers. (One of my slices fell on the floor halfway through eating it. No five second rule for pizza.) (510 cal)
- Crunch bar pieces. (500 cal)
- Bowl with basmati rice tomato, salsa, mushroom, tzatziki sauce, gyro meat. (550 cal)
- Bottled mocha frappuccino. (180 cal)
- Chips with salsa. (160 cal)
- Microwave chicken pesto meal. Chocolate frozen yogurt. (480 cal)
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Exercise
Did two sets of knee push-ups (15 and 25) and planking (30 seconds and 20 seconds).
