I'm never where I want to be.
And Liberty, she pirouette
When I think that I am free."
-"Solsbury Hill," Peter Gabriel
Quick note on the last few days and going forward.
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I have depression.
It was diagnosed a couple of years ago. I didn't want to believe it, but the person I spoke with didn't really suggest doubt. I really don't enjoy talking about it because a part of me still doesn't believe in it - a part of me tells myself that it's B.S., an excuse rather than something legitimate - but that's a dangerous and unhelpful road to go down. I haven't dealt with it well or actively, and just try to ride it out when these periods hit.
It's so frustrating when it happens, because I can't see any reason for it. I think things are going fine, and all of a sudden everything just kind of snowballs. Something small goes wrong, and hope for change, the will to take action, it just all dissipates. My energy level drops to zero, and pushing through regular days is a struggle.
I stopped caring about most things, including fitness, the last few days. One upside of this website is that it gives me a channel to write about this, and fight it. The momentum I've built over the past couple of months is significant, and I can use it to help push forward.
Logs again tomorrow.
